Kidz Bop [Insert CD number here]
Even though nobody is going to read this, I'll feel better ranting about this.
I'll never understand why companies go ahead and do things like this, or the fact that the president or CEO or whoever the hell happens to be in charge actually let's them do these things. Why in the hell would someone think that people want to listen to a bunch of 8 year olds sing Britany Spears or Maroon 5? It's people that make these kinds of decisions that have ruined the world. These CDs are so damn awful that the only reason you'd want to buy it is to PUNISH your kids for misbehaving, or give it to someone you really hate, yes they are just that bad. That's what they should market these things as, torture devices, they could play this terrible music during S & M, or better yet, they could use it when interrogating suspects I suspect it would go something like this
Officer - Okay you dirtbag, spill it!
Dirtbag - You ain't got nothin' on me copper. I'll never talk.
Officer - Okay, have it your way. I didn't want to have to get rough with you, but it's like this. (Dangling remote control to CD player) See that CD Player over there? If I just push this little button, it's gonna play you a sequence from Kidz Bop
Dirtbag - I... I w-want to talk to my lawyer.
Officer - (Swirling his finger ever closer to the play button) What's that? I can't hear you? Last chance, punk.
Dirtbag - (Sweat raising on brow) You wouldn't. You... it's cruel and unusual... they'll have your badge!
Officer - Wrong answer. (Puts finger firmly on button.)
Dirtbag - NO NO! Wait! *sob* Wait, wait! I confess. I did it. I did all of it. Even the parts I didn't do, I confess to. Lock me up far far away, where Kidz Bop can't get to me...
now that would be a true form of torture. Forget having hot coals shoved up your ass, these CDs are much much worse. Why doesn't the company get the original artist to use their songs? Well that would cut into their other "non profiting" cd mix business. I'm sure you all remember the "Now that's what I call music! [Insert vol number here]" yes, this stuff is by the same exact fuckers. Just what I want, a CD mix made by some 40 year old assholes that still think that they're "hip" and "with it", why do these people even bother? They should just kill themselves now, and end me and other people the trouble of trying to find them and kill them. In case you're wondering just how bad these CDs are I took the liberty of gathering reviews from Amazon and well it seems that people agree with me on this. Did I mention that they actually expect people to pay $18 for this shit? 18 fucking dollars. That seems like extortion to me.
"If you value your LIFE (or at least your poor EARS) do not get this awful c.d. It is really the WORST thing I have heard in my entire existence. These kids couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if it jumped in the bucket for them. Plus, they don't even use the same words. Yep. THEY CHANGE THE WORDS. So, I'm just saying, if I had a chance to either listen to this c.d. or jump off a cliff, I think I would have to jump off the cliff. Thank You."
"I wonder if you play this backwards if there is some hidden message that makes kids become idiots.
This CD is horrible along with the 5 cd's prior to this one and they only get worse the more they make! They shouldn't have dropped bombs over baghdad, they should have dropped these CD's!"
"Normally I scoff at "Best of..." or "Greatest Hits" compilations because it is nigh impossible to fit all of a great band's best works into such a limited space. So how would you expect me to react to a "Worst of..." or "Mammoth Failures" compilation? Case in point: Now That's What I Call Music!
The songs on this CD are excessively boring and derivative (trust me, I've been force-fed most of this crud), but absolute nadir is "Toxic". Yes, Britney, that song sums you up in a nutshell: your skanky posturing is 'poisoning' the minds of countless pre-pubescent females."
Now boycott all this shitty music for the betterment of mankind.
Why am I so awesome?
I'll never understand why companies go ahead and do things like this, or the fact that the president or CEO or whoever the hell happens to be in charge actually let's them do these things. Why in the hell would someone think that people want to listen to a bunch of 8 year olds sing Britany Spears or Maroon 5? It's people that make these kinds of decisions that have ruined the world. These CDs are so damn awful that the only reason you'd want to buy it is to PUNISH your kids for misbehaving, or give it to someone you really hate, yes they are just that bad. That's what they should market these things as, torture devices, they could play this terrible music during S & M, or better yet, they could use it when interrogating suspects I suspect it would go something like this
Officer - Okay you dirtbag, spill it!
Dirtbag - You ain't got nothin' on me copper. I'll never talk.
Officer - Okay, have it your way. I didn't want to have to get rough with you, but it's like this. (Dangling remote control to CD player) See that CD Player over there? If I just push this little button, it's gonna play you a sequence from Kidz Bop
Dirtbag - I... I w-want to talk to my lawyer.
Officer - (Swirling his finger ever closer to the play button) What's that? I can't hear you? Last chance, punk.
Dirtbag - (Sweat raising on brow) You wouldn't. You... it's cruel and unusual... they'll have your badge!
Officer - Wrong answer. (Puts finger firmly on button.)
Dirtbag - NO NO! Wait! *sob* Wait, wait! I confess. I did it. I did all of it. Even the parts I didn't do, I confess to. Lock me up far far away, where Kidz Bop can't get to me...
now that would be a true form of torture. Forget having hot coals shoved up your ass, these CDs are much much worse. Why doesn't the company get the original artist to use their songs? Well that would cut into their other "non profiting" cd mix business. I'm sure you all remember the "Now that's what I call music! [Insert vol number here]" yes, this stuff is by the same exact fuckers. Just what I want, a CD mix made by some 40 year old assholes that still think that they're "hip" and "with it", why do these people even bother? They should just kill themselves now, and end me and other people the trouble of trying to find them and kill them. In case you're wondering just how bad these CDs are I took the liberty of gathering reviews from Amazon and well it seems that people agree with me on this. Did I mention that they actually expect people to pay $18 for this shit? 18 fucking dollars. That seems like extortion to me.
"If you value your LIFE (or at least your poor EARS) do not get this awful c.d. It is really the WORST thing I have heard in my entire existence. These kids couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if it jumped in the bucket for them. Plus, they don't even use the same words. Yep. THEY CHANGE THE WORDS. So, I'm just saying, if I had a chance to either listen to this c.d. or jump off a cliff, I think I would have to jump off the cliff. Thank You."
"I wonder if you play this backwards if there is some hidden message that makes kids become idiots.
This CD is horrible along with the 5 cd's prior to this one and they only get worse the more they make! They shouldn't have dropped bombs over baghdad, they should have dropped these CD's!"
"Normally I scoff at "Best of..." or "Greatest Hits" compilations because it is nigh impossible to fit all of a great band's best works into such a limited space. So how would you expect me to react to a "Worst of..." or "Mammoth Failures" compilation? Case in point: Now That's What I Call Music!
The songs on this CD are excessively boring and derivative (trust me, I've been force-fed most of this crud), but absolute nadir is "Toxic". Yes, Britney, that song sums you up in a nutshell: your skanky posturing is 'poisoning' the minds of countless pre-pubescent females."
Now boycott all this shitty music for the betterment of mankind.
Why am I so awesome?