yes, I shall be sure to attend to my contract/inheritance/tax audit forthwith
Tales from the Spam Folder:
from Irene Nakande NoResponse@aol.com
sender-time Sent at 4:18 AM (GMT-10:00). Current time there: 7:42 PM. ✆
reply-to irenenakande@yahoo.cn
date Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 4:18 AM
subject Respond
Dear Sir/Madam,
Um. Yes? I'm sure one of those is accurate.
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your Contract/Inheritance file presently on our desk.We found out that you have not fulfilled the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.
As I'm under contract to no one at present, I'm slightly baffled, but do continue.
econdly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.
Gosh, I do so wish to receive my payment immediately from my contract (??), so which bank would it be that I need to stop contacting?
After the Board of director's meeting held in Abuja, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem. We have arranged your payment through our SWIFT PAYMENT CENTRE.
Wau. Does the building your SWIFT PAYMENT CENTRE is in also have all capitals across the top of the door? That would impress people, I suppose.
This is part of an instruction/mandate passed by the Senate
Whose Senate?
inrespect
"Inrespect"? I don't think that's a real word.
to overseas contract payment and debt re-scheduling. You will be provided with access to an online account in which your funds, Five million United States Dollars($5,000,000.00); will be deposited.
How do I know they're my funds?
As soon as you have been provided with the online account details, you can login to the banks website and then transfer your funds to your designated bank account. If you like to receive your fund this way,
Kindly reconfirm your
(1) Your Full Name:
Nope.
(2) Full residential address:
Bite me.
(3) Phone And Fax Number:
Don't have a fax.
(4) Age:
Die on fire.
(5) Occupation:
Artist and crafter! Wait, no, I have to be doing it for money to be a job, huh?
Okay, bum! No, wait, I have to be making something there too...Let me get back to you. I need to figure out what I do for a career.
We shall be expecting to receive your information as you have to stop any further communication with anybody or office aside ours. You can reach us via email on irenenakande@yahoo.cn
What, stop communicating with everybody? That's a lot of people! I can't stop communicating with everyone, I have friends!
Thank you for your co-operation.
No problem.
BEST REGARDS,
Mrs Irene Nakande
IRD
CC: SENATE PRESIDENT
CC: ALL FOREIGN PAYMENT OFFICES
CC: BOARD OF DIRECTORS [CBN]
CC: ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION
STOP SHOUTING.
Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.
I guess you're right...
If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.
...but you're wrong here. Doubling your failure rate only makes you a bigger failure. :p
from Irene Nakande NoResponse@aol.com
sender-time Sent at 4:18 AM (GMT-10:00). Current time there: 7:42 PM. ✆
reply-to irenenakande@yahoo.cn
date Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 4:18 AM
subject Respond
Dear Sir/Madam,
Um. Yes? I'm sure one of those is accurate.
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your Contract/Inheritance file presently on our desk.We found out that you have not fulfilled the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.
As I'm under contract to no one at present, I'm slightly baffled, but do continue.
econdly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.
Gosh, I do so wish to receive my payment immediately from my contract (??), so which bank would it be that I need to stop contacting?
After the Board of director's meeting held in Abuja, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem. We have arranged your payment through our SWIFT PAYMENT CENTRE.
Wau. Does the building your SWIFT PAYMENT CENTRE is in also have all capitals across the top of the door? That would impress people, I suppose.
This is part of an instruction/mandate passed by the Senate
Whose Senate?
inrespect
"Inrespect"? I don't think that's a real word.
to overseas contract payment and debt re-scheduling. You will be provided with access to an online account in which your funds, Five million United States Dollars($5,000,000.00); will be deposited.
How do I know they're my funds?
As soon as you have been provided with the online account details, you can login to the banks website and then transfer your funds to your designated bank account. If you like to receive your fund this way,
Kindly reconfirm your
(1) Your Full Name:
Nope.
(2) Full residential address:
Bite me.
(3) Phone And Fax Number:
Don't have a fax.
(4) Age:
Die on fire.
(5) Occupation:
Artist and crafter! Wait, no, I have to be doing it for money to be a job, huh?
Okay, bum! No, wait, I have to be making something there too...Let me get back to you. I need to figure out what I do for a career.
We shall be expecting to receive your information as you have to stop any further communication with anybody or office aside ours. You can reach us via email on irenenakande@yahoo.cn
What, stop communicating with everybody? That's a lot of people! I can't stop communicating with everyone, I have friends!
Thank you for your co-operation.
No problem.
BEST REGARDS,
Mrs Irene Nakande
IRD
CC: SENATE PRESIDENT
CC: ALL FOREIGN PAYMENT OFFICES
CC: BOARD OF DIRECTORS [CBN]
CC: ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION
STOP SHOUTING.
Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.
I guess you're right...
If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.
...but you're wrong here. Doubling your failure rate only makes you a bigger failure. :p