all the things he said
Savan left.
What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage?
Created you a monster; broken by the rule of love....
And fate has led you through it,
You do what you have to do.
And fate has led you through it,
You do what you had to do....
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go....
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul.
I'm ever swiftly moving; trying to escape this desire...
The yearning to be near you,
I do what I have to do...
The yearning to be near you...
I do what I have to do...
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go...
I don't know how to let you go...
Glowing ember, burning hot....burning slow.
And deep within, I'm shaken be the violence of existing for only you...
I know I can't be with you...
I do what I have to do...
I know I can't be with you...
I do what I have to do...
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go...
Don't know how to let you go...
"I Don't Know How to Let You Go"
Sarah McLachlan
In other news, the Enigma closed tonight, and it was almost a physical blow picking up all the dances, all the things that belonged to me, to take them away to use elsewhere. Towards the end of the evening it felt very much like that moment at the end of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, where all the ladies are leaving, and they're all making their goodbyes, while "Hard Candy Christmas" is playing in the background...
All the dancers were hugging each other as they left. Some kissed and just vanished from the stage. Others hugged everyone, said they loved the crowd, and ran off.
One hugged everyone within reach, and then walked out, head held high, saying she couldn't bear to look back.
I promised to stay until the end. We started a little early--around 6:30 pm PST--and everything wrapped up when it was just me and the current neko boy who's keeping me sane, at 12:38 am.
And then I flipped the OPEN sign on the door to CLOSED, took back my dances, and went home shuddering.
Overall? Though there were moments of glory, and much love seen, and much commiseration...it was not one of my best evenings ever.
And that's been my week. I've had enough. No more please.