image decay
image decay
I can't do it, the pretty girl says on the tv
I can't sing in front of all those people
the man older and wiser sighs and says
just imagine them all in their underwear
eww, she says, horror
plain on her pretty face
even mrs. franklin?
at that the boy I watch during the day
turns towards me, laughing, and asks
why? is she fat?
fat, he asks
of me
he says this to me
all four hundred pounds of me, sure
I'm big enough to take it
I'm strong enough to survive chance comments
at this point
but it makes me sigh
another notch against external self-acceptance
in this household that's nothing new
the seven-year-old could make
calista flockhart look overweight
the four-year old frequently
clicks her tongue at me and says
I'm too fat to move
the mother of these three children
is an addict to image and appearance
already she's brainwashing her daughter
four years old and in mascara
pretty little princess in pink by default
so it's little wonder they all look at me
and say such things
(it doesn't lessen the hurt to hear them
it just hardens the heart against further intrusion
by those I would otherwise term friends
and usually consider family
it makes me sigh each time
accept a little each more the idea
that I will never be accepted as I am
that I will never be deemed worthy at my weight
that I am not in their league
(according to their standards of beauty)
second-rater amongst the beautiful people
a friendship by default
and that's a more damaging thought
than anything the children could think to say aloud
--1 january 2003
I can't do it, the pretty girl says on the tv
I can't sing in front of all those people
the man older and wiser sighs and says
just imagine them all in their underwear
eww, she says, horror
plain on her pretty face
even mrs. franklin?
at that the boy I watch during the day
turns towards me, laughing, and asks
why? is she fat?
fat, he asks
of me
he says this to me
all four hundred pounds of me, sure
I'm big enough to take it
I'm strong enough to survive chance comments
at this point
but it makes me sigh
another notch against external self-acceptance
in this household that's nothing new
the seven-year-old could make
calista flockhart look overweight
the four-year old frequently
clicks her tongue at me and says
I'm too fat to move
the mother of these three children
is an addict to image and appearance
already she's brainwashing her daughter
four years old and in mascara
pretty little princess in pink by default
so it's little wonder they all look at me
and say such things
(it doesn't lessen the hurt to hear them
it just hardens the heart against further intrusion
by those I would otherwise term friends
and usually consider family
it makes me sigh each time
accept a little each more the idea
that I will never be accepted as I am
that I will never be deemed worthy at my weight
that I am not in their league
(according to their standards of beauty)
second-rater amongst the beautiful people
a friendship by default
and that's a more damaging thought
than anything the children could think to say aloud
--1 january 2003