WHAT THE HELL
This week has been just as horribly busy as I expected, with a broken toe (not mine) added in just for extra excitement. Read on in this issue of "Nellymom News":
Northeast experiences unbelievably warm temperatures on Halloween night Weather records indicate temps in the high 60's, but Nellymom felt her report was more accurate. "I wanted to take my coat off. Also, we went around the ENTIRE block at my parents' house, rather than just up the street. NICE."
Clumsy nurse breaks toe tripping over nothing (If my mother actually read that, she'd totally kill me. Heh.) Nellymom's mother, a long-time nurse with what seems to be a serious inner ear problem, tripped over a tile in the hallway at her clinic on Tuesday and thought she broke her big left toe. She went an had an x-ray to confirm it, then went out trick-or-treating with her grandchildren on said bad toe. The very next day, the toe turned several shades of black and blue, and would not stop bleeding. Thursday, she went back to work, found out that her toe was actually fractured in two places, and the doctor needed to remove the nail because it was NASTY. Ugh. But she got out of work early that day and it's all covered by workman's comp, so at least she has that going for her. Oh, and a lovely walking cast. Nellymom swears this is why she is so clumsy, because genetics tell.
Idiot mother locks self and daughter out of the house Wednesday morning, Nellymom was highly distracted by the fact that she needed to bring three gift bags to her daughter's school, plus their coats, her bag, and a partridge in a pear tree. As soon as she shut the door behind her, she realized she didn't have her keys and had a very small panic attack. However, she quickly regained her senses and called her realtor for the combination for the lock-box that was conveniently hanging on the door. The keys waited patiently until rescued from the kitchen table where they were shamefully abandoned. Nellymom and daughter made it to the playgroup with about one second to spare. The keys are reportedly thinking about suing for emotional distress.
Foul-mouthed woman taking the express train to hell Nellymom dropped the f-bomb while typing up the church bulletin Wednesday night. "I immediately covered my mouth, but it was too late. Hopefully, God is too busy to notice something like that. But I bet if I had said His name in vain, all bets would be off." Also, she swears her children were both in bed at the time, so please refrain from calling child protective services.
City police laugh at pathetic caller Nellymom and her husband watched a helicopter with a spotlight circle their house for almost an hour Thursday night. Worried that some crazed person with a hatchet was running through their neighborhood, Nellymom called the police and asked what was going on. The police officer who answered said, "They're looking for someone," to which Nellymom replied, "Should we lock our doors and hide?" To which the police officer replied, "They're looking for a young, teen-aged girl who's missing, ok?" Nellymom deeply regrets bothering the police, but hastens to point out that her tax dollars pay their salary, and she was worried about her kids, so they can fuck off.
Ooops. Sorry, God.
Northeast experiences unbelievably warm temperatures on Halloween night Weather records indicate temps in the high 60's, but Nellymom felt her report was more accurate. "I wanted to take my coat off. Also, we went around the ENTIRE block at my parents' house, rather than just up the street. NICE."
Clumsy nurse breaks toe tripping over nothing (If my mother actually read that, she'd totally kill me. Heh.) Nellymom's mother, a long-time nurse with what seems to be a serious inner ear problem, tripped over a tile in the hallway at her clinic on Tuesday and thought she broke her big left toe. She went an had an x-ray to confirm it, then went out trick-or-treating with her grandchildren on said bad toe. The very next day, the toe turned several shades of black and blue, and would not stop bleeding. Thursday, she went back to work, found out that her toe was actually fractured in two places, and the doctor needed to remove the nail because it was NASTY. Ugh. But she got out of work early that day and it's all covered by workman's comp, so at least she has that going for her. Oh, and a lovely walking cast. Nellymom swears this is why she is so clumsy, because genetics tell.
Idiot mother locks self and daughter out of the house Wednesday morning, Nellymom was highly distracted by the fact that she needed to bring three gift bags to her daughter's school, plus their coats, her bag, and a partridge in a pear tree. As soon as she shut the door behind her, she realized she didn't have her keys and had a very small panic attack. However, she quickly regained her senses and called her realtor for the combination for the lock-box that was conveniently hanging on the door. The keys waited patiently until rescued from the kitchen table where they were shamefully abandoned. Nellymom and daughter made it to the playgroup with about one second to spare. The keys are reportedly thinking about suing for emotional distress.
Foul-mouthed woman taking the express train to hell Nellymom dropped the f-bomb while typing up the church bulletin Wednesday night. "I immediately covered my mouth, but it was too late. Hopefully, God is too busy to notice something like that. But I bet if I had said His name in vain, all bets would be off." Also, she swears her children were both in bed at the time, so please refrain from calling child protective services.
City police laugh at pathetic caller Nellymom and her husband watched a helicopter with a spotlight circle their house for almost an hour Thursday night. Worried that some crazed person with a hatchet was running through their neighborhood, Nellymom called the police and asked what was going on. The police officer who answered said, "They're looking for someone," to which Nellymom replied, "Should we lock our doors and hide?" To which the police officer replied, "They're looking for a young, teen-aged girl who's missing, ok?" Nellymom deeply regrets bothering the police, but hastens to point out that her tax dollars pay their salary, and she was worried about her kids, so they can fuck off.
Ooops. Sorry, God.