Post wedding blues??
I'm sad. I can't believe I've been married for over a month now. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I still don't have any real pictures from my wedding day and that probably makes the sadness worse.
I wish we were on our honeymoon again. I was so happy. I know we had a nice long vacation, but it was at the beggining of summer and over so quickly. Living in a beach town sucks. Everyone is out enjoying the sun, the water and the restaurants. Tourists are all over the place, enjoying their summer vacation. But we have to work!!! All my family and friends are going camping, going to dodger games, comic con, hawaii, miami beach, and Dan and I are stuck at home all summer. No breaks. I never even have two days off in a row!!!!
My job is becoming overwhelming. I'm a mobile dog groomer, working with a woman that has had her own sucessful business for 8 years. She's pregnant and I'm slowly taking over for a few months. We don't even know if I will have a job after she has the baby. I'm on my own a lot now. Being responsible for the truck & trailer, being on time to appointments, keeping track of important papers and money, being professional with the clients and handling the dogs and making them look good. AHHH!!! I can't hold up a 145 pound dog with one hand, shave it with the other hand, AND try to keep it from biting me. I'm not even that good at haircuts. It's also not easy when the dog is moving all over the place. Ilana trusts me waaay too much. If she only knew the real me. She is so happy with me, She's getting nervous, hoping I don't decide it's too difficult because she's getting further along in her pregnancy and wont be able to find someone else. But I fear that I can't do it anymore, and I don't want to let her down. At least this job pays pretty well. But I don't like being the main provider, it's scary. I don't know if I want to be a groomer for the rest of my life. But I feel like I can't handle ANY job. I don't know what I can do to make money. I probably will have to find a new job by January anyway!
The only job I was ever truly happy with was acting. Even though I never got enough jobs, and got terrible pay, I loved being on the set and meeting new people. I loved doing a million takes of the same crap over and over. It was the only time I felt like I really belonged. I loved working with people who felt the same way I did, obsessed with movies and TV. I could talk for hours with complete strangers.
Daniel and I have a strong relationship though. He's going through some really tough family problems and that certainly doesn't make things easier. But I barely see him. Whenever one of us is at work, the other one is at home with Rosie. We rarely have a day off together. He starts school in a couple weeks and will be SUPER BUSY. I'll see him even less!! Here I am...another night alone. I have no friends, and no family nearby. I'm so bored. It's no wonder I'm so depressed. I just work work work, then sit around all day/night staring at the walls. I feel very alone :(
We're making just enough money to get by. I just wish Dan would stop getting parking tickets!!! He needs to learn how to park and drive in Long Beach. We can't afford to throw money away. I keep dreaming about having a house. I would do anything to have a house, or a dishwasher, or a washer/dryer in my home. Or even a tiny yard for my dog to run around in. Dan and I are dreamers. We've been buying lottery tickets a lot. I just realized that I buy one almost every day, and we NEVER win. I just feel like I deserve it. I guess we have a gambling problem that needs to be addressed.
Oh, did I mention that I'm terribly sick? I must have the flu or something. I'm SOOOO tired. I feel like throwing up all the time. I'm getting bad headaches. I'm also starving, yet the thought of food makes me sick. I've been eating so much crap, and even when I try to eat well, I still feel terrible. Every morning I awake feeling like I have a bad hangover, but I don't even drink. These symptoms happen to me a lot, usually when I'm overworked and I forget to take my vitamins. But I got a lot of rest, and starting taking tons of vitamins, and I STILL feel awful! :( I felt so sick this afternoon, I could barely take Rosie outside. UGH! I wish I had health insurance!
I need to go to sleep. Hopefully things will get better. Please pray for us.
I wish we were on our honeymoon again. I was so happy. I know we had a nice long vacation, but it was at the beggining of summer and over so quickly. Living in a beach town sucks. Everyone is out enjoying the sun, the water and the restaurants. Tourists are all over the place, enjoying their summer vacation. But we have to work!!! All my family and friends are going camping, going to dodger games, comic con, hawaii, miami beach, and Dan and I are stuck at home all summer. No breaks. I never even have two days off in a row!!!!
My job is becoming overwhelming. I'm a mobile dog groomer, working with a woman that has had her own sucessful business for 8 years. She's pregnant and I'm slowly taking over for a few months. We don't even know if I will have a job after she has the baby. I'm on my own a lot now. Being responsible for the truck & trailer, being on time to appointments, keeping track of important papers and money, being professional with the clients and handling the dogs and making them look good. AHHH!!! I can't hold up a 145 pound dog with one hand, shave it with the other hand, AND try to keep it from biting me. I'm not even that good at haircuts. It's also not easy when the dog is moving all over the place. Ilana trusts me waaay too much. If she only knew the real me. She is so happy with me, She's getting nervous, hoping I don't decide it's too difficult because she's getting further along in her pregnancy and wont be able to find someone else. But I fear that I can't do it anymore, and I don't want to let her down. At least this job pays pretty well. But I don't like being the main provider, it's scary. I don't know if I want to be a groomer for the rest of my life. But I feel like I can't handle ANY job. I don't know what I can do to make money. I probably will have to find a new job by January anyway!
The only job I was ever truly happy with was acting. Even though I never got enough jobs, and got terrible pay, I loved being on the set and meeting new people. I loved doing a million takes of the same crap over and over. It was the only time I felt like I really belonged. I loved working with people who felt the same way I did, obsessed with movies and TV. I could talk for hours with complete strangers.
Daniel and I have a strong relationship though. He's going through some really tough family problems and that certainly doesn't make things easier. But I barely see him. Whenever one of us is at work, the other one is at home with Rosie. We rarely have a day off together. He starts school in a couple weeks and will be SUPER BUSY. I'll see him even less!! Here I am...another night alone. I have no friends, and no family nearby. I'm so bored. It's no wonder I'm so depressed. I just work work work, then sit around all day/night staring at the walls. I feel very alone :(
We're making just enough money to get by. I just wish Dan would stop getting parking tickets!!! He needs to learn how to park and drive in Long Beach. We can't afford to throw money away. I keep dreaming about having a house. I would do anything to have a house, or a dishwasher, or a washer/dryer in my home. Or even a tiny yard for my dog to run around in. Dan and I are dreamers. We've been buying lottery tickets a lot. I just realized that I buy one almost every day, and we NEVER win. I just feel like I deserve it. I guess we have a gambling problem that needs to be addressed.
Oh, did I mention that I'm terribly sick? I must have the flu or something. I'm SOOOO tired. I feel like throwing up all the time. I'm getting bad headaches. I'm also starving, yet the thought of food makes me sick. I've been eating so much crap, and even when I try to eat well, I still feel terrible. Every morning I awake feeling like I have a bad hangover, but I don't even drink. These symptoms happen to me a lot, usually when I'm overworked and I forget to take my vitamins. But I got a lot of rest, and starting taking tons of vitamins, and I STILL feel awful! :( I felt so sick this afternoon, I could barely take Rosie outside. UGH! I wish I had health insurance!
I need to go to sleep. Hopefully things will get better. Please pray for us.