cows
i've always loved this.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk
and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows
back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred
via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a
symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged
(but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You got
to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk
and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows
back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred
via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a
symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged
(but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You got
to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.