Guard Banter

[nelc]

Snatches of overheard dialogue for the RPG.net thread, [101] Guard banter topics:

• "It's just 50, until pay-day."
  "What for?"
  "It's a sure thing, can't miss, I'll pay you back double when I win!"
  "Frank, you remember the last 'sure thing'?"


• "I've written her many times of course, but with so many troops on leave, it was hardly likely she'd remember me. But one always hopes you're the one she'll never forget."
  "Yeah. What was her name, anyway?"
  "Fred."
  "Fred? Oh, yeah, I remember Fred, yeah. She was a short little redhead."


• "Ferkooby persplatch. Derstun eska fibiry dusan."
  "Fibiry? Neskan deran nestroyby."
  "Ga fibiry! Eska! Detritan firbiry!"
  "E, stiribidan jotarny. Fibiry, huh."


• "I can't see a thing in this helmet!"


• "How's the boy?"
  "Eh, he had a bad night last night. Nightmare, couldn't get back to sleep. I was up until early, trying to comfort him, till his aunt came round. I'm knackered."
  "What was it?"
  "Said he dreamt I was gone. He's... been so insecure since his mum passed. He's worried sick about me, afraid I'm going to leave him alone in the world. Told him I wasn't going anywhere."
  "You could, you know, get another job. This isn't the safest job in the world."
  "Huh, we're just a garrison. Better here than out with the assault legions. Besides, soldiering's all I know how to do. Can you see me as a farmer? Don't know one end of an ox from another. He'll be fine. He'll grow out of it."


• "So he was, like, y'know?"
  "I know."
  "So I was like, y'know."
  "Uh-huh."
  "So he's all, like, yeah?"
  "Yeah."
  "So I'm, like, Yeah."
  "Huh. That'll teach him."
  "Yeah, right!"


• "If this star-metal's so great for swords, what I want to know is, why don't they make our armour out of it?"


• "What do you think, 4-to-1 on Fate's Wind?"
  "I hear Frank's hot for him, he's been scrounging cash all over. I'd say 5-to-1, maybe 6-to-1; Fate's Win has been off his game the last few races, I think he's on a losing streak."
  "Hmm, 5-to-1, then. Which puts Meredith's Hare as the favourite at 3-to-2."
  "Sounds good. Well, back to work. Did you check behind the tapestry, there?"
  "There's never anything behind the tapestry, except cobwebs and spiders."


• "Nah, there's no point. More than three and you just get in each other's way. One in front to keep his attention, and the other two go around him to outflank him both sides. He can't keep his eyes on everyone, I don't care how good he is, the second he concentrates on one, the other two move in to get him."
  "What if there's more than one of him? What if there's three, and you're the one being flanked?"
  "Then you run away and fetch the rest of us. Don't let them flank you, you're dead if you do."


• "No, see, you want form N127-B. Dash-A's for NCO's, dash-B's for ordinary guards like us. And officer's've got N125, but don't worry about that. So you fill out the dash-B, sum column 1, subtract column 2, not forgetting the tax, of course, cross reference that figure with your years of service (rounding down) in Table A2, and put the resulting figure in the box on page 2. Then you get our team leader to sign it, and hand it in at the desk. Easy."


• "But why?"
  "We're not talking about this now. Let's just get through this shift."
  "Why do you want us to split? What did I do? I can change it, whatever it is."
  "Don't you get it? It's not you, it's me."


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