(no subject)
i'm submitting for the phillips mill show. it's kind of a big deal, but i'm not worried. people have been loving my stuff lately. i got myself a suit and a tie. i got a hair cut. i actually look like a normal person. it's kind of weird, but i like it. people respect me now. i feel like i'm going to be a big deal at some point, even if it's not im my life time. i can't wait to go back to italy. my cousin's getting married there and eryn and i are going for a while before and after the wedding to check it out. i might be a little phyco. art is my life, and florence and venice are so beautiful. it's going to be amazing. my grandmother is exhibiting in california right now. we're going to have a show together soon, and she's seeting something up for me out there next year i hope. i told her to but she forgets things. i've realized lately that you can't count on anyone but yourself, so my hopes aren't too high. i'm starting to get arthritis so my guitar playing is going downhill, but who needs it anyway. all the friends i thought i had are too immature and only into fighting, rioting, and getting "krunked!" is that even a word? band members are so superficial. i paint and draw all day anyway. it's like a job; well, i guess it is. lol. both my vehicles tanked and i'm putting hundreds of dollars into them right now. bills keep coming in that i can't pay, but i keep praying, and i'm sure it'll be all right. at least i have someone who loves me sincerely by my side. i've never had that before. the rest of my friends are lolly gagging about their own lives and forgetting about me. i saw collin the other day. he seemed weirded out to see i had children. it's a shame i have nothing in common with anyone anymore. no one even wants to see me. it's sad sometimes, but i chose this. and i wouldn't have done it differently. i just learned that no one is real and they are all selfish. i'm not too concerned. my real friends will come around when they have time. i know some of you actually have lives and i'm happy for you. give me a call or something. i'm sitting here thinking about ideas for nothing and painting abstract images on blank canvas thinking no piece is good enough for this show, but i keep creating. someday something good will come out of my brushes, and i hope to God it's soon because the show is in march and i only have one piece i want to enter. it's going to be a hard competition because i'm probably going to be the only abstract artist applying to the show. i don't know if i will even get accepted, but it's worth a shot. wish me luck. and i will do the same for you, if anyone still reads this.