*sigh* warning I took ambien and anxiety shit.
I looked and realize this post is all over the place and I'm writing about feelings and stuff so since this is friends only please keep it that way. Thanks haha
So sick of death. We are losing too many special people. I never met Jamie Gillis but had the pleasure of emailing him for I'm not sure how many years now. I think like maybe 4? I dunno. But it was long enough to feel an attachment. His emails were funny. In the beginning they were filthy as hell and sounding like out of his porn. But he knew I dug that. I remember him lecturing me for smoking which I thought was odd. After that I made sure not to send him any pics of me with a smoke. I have been good and haven't been smoking in the last couple months
I remember the random emails with questions regarding my blogs on myspace so I would mess with him to test to see if he was looking at my myspace by writing odd vague blogs and wait for the email wanting to know what I was talking about haha. I told him to join myspace but he said no but I had a mysterious subscriber. I just thought he was funny like that.
I used to do a lot of status updates on myspace so when my cat died he wrote me such an odd email about if only he had been there to give him an enema maybe he could have saved him. At first I was like oh my god you dick and then explained he was trying to make smile. When my dad died he emailed. I would randomly message him about my dad and now I reallize some of our emails talking about death he probably knew he was going to and I wonder if some of the advice he gave was him also talking about himself.
Everyone knows I had the mega crush on the man and I would have jumped him if given the chance. People would tease me about that but whatever, sorry if I like older guys. heh
But because of his death I start thinking about things and people. Knowing it was cancer brings me back to when I went to the hospice to say goodbye to Don Edmonds and how upset I was seeing him like that. He was not awake. I dont know if he knew we were there but he just looked so bad. He looked like my dad looked when he passed. So of course my mind wanders and I wonder how did Jamie look? When it was finally time was it quick? I hope he went in peace.
When I told Fred last night he was shocked. I felt bad since I hadn't called him in awhile but randomly emailed and then call him with this shitty news. He saw Jamie when they did Fango in New York like a few months ago. I think during the summer? I'm not sure. Might have been a little earlier. But he did talk to Jamie about a girl he talks to who likes to send pictures and Jamie instantly knew it was me which I found funny. Yeah, I'm a weird girl and like to send pictures the pervs. haha He was very fond of Jamie. Even Ron Jeremy sent me a text saying he thought about me when he heard. Ron and I have the ongoing joke about how he's not Jamie because when I met Ron I went on about how hot Jamie is. haha So the first few times he would call he would say hey this is Ron, not Jamie.
Fred is not a young guy and I worry about him. I don't want him to be on that list of people we lose. He's got some problems so I was like you better be going to the doctor and taking care of yourself. He knows and he wants to be around for his daugther.I told him now that I'm not car less anymore that we'll hang out. I need to keep the people that matter to me close and Fred is one of those people. When I met him I was just a fucking fan but we clicked and instantly were emailing and talking late nights on the phone which pissed off my ex to no end. He thought it was sick that I'm friends with or attracted to the type of people that I am. Whatever now I'm free to have my friends. I remember he wanted to take me to a screening of that American Swing movie but I couldn't go because I would have faced the wrath of the ex. I should have just gone. Some people are creeped out a bit about my friendship with fred since we are also attracted to one another and there is a major fucking age difference. No, I haven't slept with him. Ok, that is enough for now. Words getting blurry
my favorite Jamie.........
So sick of death. We are losing too many special people. I never met Jamie Gillis but had the pleasure of emailing him for I'm not sure how many years now. I think like maybe 4? I dunno. But it was long enough to feel an attachment. His emails were funny. In the beginning they were filthy as hell and sounding like out of his porn. But he knew I dug that. I remember him lecturing me for smoking which I thought was odd. After that I made sure not to send him any pics of me with a smoke. I have been good and haven't been smoking in the last couple months
I remember the random emails with questions regarding my blogs on myspace so I would mess with him to test to see if he was looking at my myspace by writing odd vague blogs and wait for the email wanting to know what I was talking about haha. I told him to join myspace but he said no but I had a mysterious subscriber. I just thought he was funny like that.
I used to do a lot of status updates on myspace so when my cat died he wrote me such an odd email about if only he had been there to give him an enema maybe he could have saved him. At first I was like oh my god you dick and then explained he was trying to make smile. When my dad died he emailed. I would randomly message him about my dad and now I reallize some of our emails talking about death he probably knew he was going to and I wonder if some of the advice he gave was him also talking about himself.
Everyone knows I had the mega crush on the man and I would have jumped him if given the chance. People would tease me about that but whatever, sorry if I like older guys. heh
But because of his death I start thinking about things and people. Knowing it was cancer brings me back to when I went to the hospice to say goodbye to Don Edmonds and how upset I was seeing him like that. He was not awake. I dont know if he knew we were there but he just looked so bad. He looked like my dad looked when he passed. So of course my mind wanders and I wonder how did Jamie look? When it was finally time was it quick? I hope he went in peace.
When I told Fred last night he was shocked. I felt bad since I hadn't called him in awhile but randomly emailed and then call him with this shitty news. He saw Jamie when they did Fango in New York like a few months ago. I think during the summer? I'm not sure. Might have been a little earlier. But he did talk to Jamie about a girl he talks to who likes to send pictures and Jamie instantly knew it was me which I found funny. Yeah, I'm a weird girl and like to send pictures the pervs. haha He was very fond of Jamie. Even Ron Jeremy sent me a text saying he thought about me when he heard. Ron and I have the ongoing joke about how he's not Jamie because when I met Ron I went on about how hot Jamie is. haha So the first few times he would call he would say hey this is Ron, not Jamie.
Fred is not a young guy and I worry about him. I don't want him to be on that list of people we lose. He's got some problems so I was like you better be going to the doctor and taking care of yourself. He knows and he wants to be around for his daugther.I told him now that I'm not car less anymore that we'll hang out. I need to keep the people that matter to me close and Fred is one of those people. When I met him I was just a fucking fan but we clicked and instantly were emailing and talking late nights on the phone which pissed off my ex to no end. He thought it was sick that I'm friends with or attracted to the type of people that I am. Whatever now I'm free to have my friends. I remember he wanted to take me to a screening of that American Swing movie but I couldn't go because I would have faced the wrath of the ex. I should have just gone. Some people are creeped out a bit about my friendship with fred since we are also attracted to one another and there is a major fucking age difference. No, I haven't slept with him. Ok, that is enough for now. Words getting blurry
my favorite Jamie.........