Update on my dad
I really don't know what to say about my dad. Friends have been checking on me but I haven't had anything to really say. My dad has not woken up from the heart attack. We've been told they do not think he will wake up and if he did by some chance he would not be my dad because besides his heart being in such bad shape his brain is too. They basically gave his chances of a recovery being slim to none. The doctor today said only reason they can't say zero is because of those rare miracles. They don't know how bad off he would be but basically he was without oxygen for 25 minutes. So even though my dad is laying in a hospital bed he is gone. Many doctors talked to my mom and the rest of the family and everyone decided it was right to take him off the ventilator and let nature take it's course. They also shut off the defibrillator part of the pacemaker/defibrillator he has. I kept asking today if more tests would matter and if they really feel this way because I want to be sure. I also still have a small hope that there will be a different outcome but everyone is telling me its the right thing but I'm scared it might not be. What if he needed more time? But that is just me wanting things to not be the way they are. He hasn't shown any progress and actually has been showing less reaction each day.
So today they took him off the ventilator. I was the only one who stayed in the room. I held his hand and one of the nurses kept her arm around me while I cried. He has been mostly breathing on his own and watching him breath without the ventilator today fucking killed me. He was breathing so fast and he would cough and I wanted to help him but I can't do anything but cry and hold his hand because all I do is cry because I don't want to lose my daddy. A nurse told me I was brave for staying while they took the tube out but I don't feel brave. I feel like a mess. By the time we left the hospital he was breathing slower but still was sad to see. He will hopefully be more comfortable without the tube but also it scares me knowing it's out. So they are going to keep him comfortable and still feed him with a tube and stuff but if he stops breathing or his heart stops they aren't going to do anything. I wish my dad had left a note with his wishes or told us what he would have wanted instead he left a note for what to do about bills and money. I just wish my dad would wake up and talk to me.
So today they took him off the ventilator. I was the only one who stayed in the room. I held his hand and one of the nurses kept her arm around me while I cried. He has been mostly breathing on his own and watching him breath without the ventilator today fucking killed me. He was breathing so fast and he would cough and I wanted to help him but I can't do anything but cry and hold his hand because all I do is cry because I don't want to lose my daddy. A nurse told me I was brave for staying while they took the tube out but I don't feel brave. I feel like a mess. By the time we left the hospital he was breathing slower but still was sad to see. He will hopefully be more comfortable without the tube but also it scares me knowing it's out. So they are going to keep him comfortable and still feed him with a tube and stuff but if he stops breathing or his heart stops they aren't going to do anything. I wish my dad had left a note with his wishes or told us what he would have wanted instead he left a note for what to do about bills and money. I just wish my dad would wake up and talk to me.