(no subject)
I'm not really sure what's going on with me. I went on vacation this past week. The commute was shitty (12 hours each way on several buses, my ass still hurts), but I had fun while I was there. I have never wanted to be home so badly after a vacation - but I think I can chalk that up to the aforementioned shitty commute.
Anyway, I was so happy to see Jeff again. He showed more enthusiasm than usual, surprisingly. But because I did not text him the minute I got to the bus station (which I was not aware I was supposed to do, I thought he'd be waiting), I got a talking-to for not letting him know and making it impossible for him to be all "romantic" and come carry my bags. I dunno who told him that was romantic, but whatever, I appreciate the thought all the same. But he had to tell me how I ruined it. As I seem to ruin everything these days.
I was already feeling a little fragile, I'd come close to a panic attack on one of the three buses I had to take on the way home. And I'm tired of being told how much of a failure I am. Today, I asked him to get me a drink, because he was in the kitchen. He told me that I'm a "big girl now" and can get my own drink. Which is just not something he's ever said before. I mean, if he didn't want to get it for me, I'm thinking a simple "I'm busy" would have been enough. But he had to make fun of me too?
Maybe this is little stuff, I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Of course, he thinks I'm overreacting no matter what, if I react in the least bit. And if I say nothing, I'm being cold/mean. And if I say anything negative towards him, I'm trying to hurt him. Oh, and obviously, he's not overreacting to anything, not at all. That's just impossible.
Maybe it's just PMS talking, and honestly I hope it is. I hate that it has such a severe effect on me. But this is all just getting to be too much. Work isn't helping - my supervisor quit and my boss (Jeff's mother) is the most childish person I've ever met. AND she has no idea what she's doing. Add to this the fact that living here has a way to make me poor, so I can't save up the money to move away.
And so ends another whiny journal entry. Wee!
Anyway, I was so happy to see Jeff again. He showed more enthusiasm than usual, surprisingly. But because I did not text him the minute I got to the bus station (which I was not aware I was supposed to do, I thought he'd be waiting), I got a talking-to for not letting him know and making it impossible for him to be all "romantic" and come carry my bags. I dunno who told him that was romantic, but whatever, I appreciate the thought all the same. But he had to tell me how I ruined it. As I seem to ruin everything these days.
I was already feeling a little fragile, I'd come close to a panic attack on one of the three buses I had to take on the way home. And I'm tired of being told how much of a failure I am. Today, I asked him to get me a drink, because he was in the kitchen. He told me that I'm a "big girl now" and can get my own drink. Which is just not something he's ever said before. I mean, if he didn't want to get it for me, I'm thinking a simple "I'm busy" would have been enough. But he had to make fun of me too?
Maybe this is little stuff, I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Of course, he thinks I'm overreacting no matter what, if I react in the least bit. And if I say nothing, I'm being cold/mean. And if I say anything negative towards him, I'm trying to hurt him. Oh, and obviously, he's not overreacting to anything, not at all. That's just impossible.
Maybe it's just PMS talking, and honestly I hope it is. I hate that it has such a severe effect on me. But this is all just getting to be too much. Work isn't helping - my supervisor quit and my boss (Jeff's mother) is the most childish person I've ever met. AND she has no idea what she's doing. Add to this the fact that living here has a way to make me poor, so I can't save up the money to move away.
And so ends another whiny journal entry. Wee!