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[nekowafer]

Jeff and I are taking a "break". I am so completely lost without him. I've apparently made a lot of mistakes that I didn't even see.. and I no longer get the chance to fix them. I don't even know what to do with myself, this will be the first day in over three years that I'm not allowed to speak to him. The worst part was waking up after a good

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[bearspirit]

It's ironic..because Pedro told me if I ever cheated, he could never forgive me or be with me, yet he did himself. I am in no way saying you cheated, but it hurts so much and it sucks when you forgive every little dumbass inconsiderate thing they do, and the little mistakes YOU make are made 'dramatic' and 'unforgiveable.' I read your thread and I know you guys are back together, just know I'm here if you need to talk about anything. Jeff and Pedro seem a lot alike so I can definitely relate :hugs tight;

[nekowafer]

Jeff has cheated.. pretty much I said he could do stuff with guys but I wanted to know about it, and he did it without telling me until months later. Twice. Then he flirted with girls and told them all sorts of things that guys with girlfriends shouldn't tell other girls. And then I get upset and I'm with a very nice, helpful, and sympathetic friend, and I feel like maybe doing something with him. I didn't do it, but I told Jeff about it and suddenly I'm this awful person.

The big deal this time was that I'm a needy person. I have been for a long time, and he's known this the whole time we've been together, and suddenly now he's decided it's an issue. But of course now he's in denial and pretends that there are no problems. He's 27, you'd think that at some point he'd get over some of these childish issues, but whatever.

[bearspirit]

:sigh

[nekowafer]

The only problem I have with him having sex with other people is that I'm worried he'd leave me for them. If I knew he could be completely honest with me and never leave me for them, we would have an open relationship. And, for awhile, I wasn't jealous at all.. I didn't worry about him cheating or lying, and I was working my way to trusting him enough to have an open relationship. And then he lied, and then I found out about it. Now I can barely trust him on the little things

[bearspirit]

Sorry this took a few days to get back to, it was pretty much hidden in my email >_<

I totally understand your worry and its pretty awsome that you are trusting to let him do it period. Im such an insecure person, that after being cheated on, I'm not sure if I could do it. Plus, I'm wicked jealous, I wont even lie. I can totally relate to the lying and the not being able to trust the little things. It hurts and it makes me feel like banging my head against the wall.

My dad was emotionally abusive for most of my life. He's addicted to percocet/morphine/etc. It sometimes got physical. My ex Matt, who will be in my latest livejournal entries was also pretty abusive. His loving nickname for me was loser and stuff. I never felt good enough for him.

A lot of my friends and boyfriends have been mean or abusive. I'm getting better at choosing. Pedro has never once been abusive in any way, neglectful though >_< I'm really starting to believe Pedro is not capable of changing and it really hurts. I'm at my wits end with him and I hate

[nekowafer]

I'm jealous too but I was excited by the fact that maybe I was getting over it.. apparently not. Oh well

[bearspirit]

Jealousy is a bitch to get over. I hate it since Pedro and Matt both are attractive, I see girls AND guys checking them out. It always made me feel shitty and proud. However, once girls got too close, my horns came out and bitch mode started. A few months ago, I tweaked the fuck out because Pedro's ex had been messaging him. On top of it being sketchy, she also said "your girl is pretty LOL" and I was like "Okay, ugly skunt" lmao

[nekowafer]

The kind of crappy thing is that few women stare at Jeff. They should, he's super hot, but cause he has a little belly he's ignored. Good on one hand, bad on the other. However, he stares at EVERY SINGLE ASS that goes by him. Also most boobs. It pisses me off. He can do it all the time that we're not together and I won't know or care, but he has to do it when I'm with him too? Ugh. And the girl he flirted like crazy with online is SO UGLY. I don't consider myself particularly attractive but he even calls her horse face! Not to her horse face, of course, haha, but to me.

As for the parent thing.. I have so much baggage from those assoles, I really wish I could never speak to them again. -_-

And as for Gaia, I used to have those cute nitemare wings but someone hacked my account for them.. and tried to explain it like he really needed the gold, psh. I have a nitemare corset but I like it too much! Otherwise I have like 15 things total.. cute gothy stuff and a cool bear-trap mouth!