There will be an answer...
I went to church this morning. Have been going intermittently for a while, once every month or so, but not with my heart in it. I'd been looking forward to going all week though, and getting there today was top of my priority list. I felt a strong calling to be there, and it brought me peace, happiness and focus to sit and listen and pray. I'm so grateful that God is here for me now, even though I turned my back on him before. With God's help, maybe I CAN get myself out of this rut I'm in and do something good with my life.
The speaker was Ian Barnes, a lecturer in ethics and technology at Murdoch uni, and he talked about the global economic and environmental crisis and how we can find hope in what seems like an insurmountable problem. I was glad to be there because he talks intelligently, emotionally and passionately, whilst still managing to come across as gentle and mild. His words about 'soft power' in particular really meant a lot to me, as I've been feeling like my idealistic dreams for the world were being crushed by cynicism, and it was good to hear that someone else shares the hope I have that people can work together and support one another for a better future. For the first time in years, I've felt a real calling to do good in the world, whatever that might mean. It occurred to me that it might be the right thing to go overseas and do aid work somewhere, but the thought scares me shitless, I won't pretend otherwise! I've only been overseas once and it was cushy and easy. I feel like I've never really done hard work in my life and it would be frightening and depressing and exhausting. But I can also imagine that it would be life-affirming and encouraging to see that good work is being done and that I can be a part of it. Hopefully I'll be able to find an organisation I could work with or something. I don't have any skills though, nor any money, so it could be hard.
David sounded keen too! I wonder if it would be possible for both of us to go overseas and work somewhere doing something meaningful. Maybe it could be the answer I've been searching for?
Oh, and I've started on my anti-depressants again. David and I are both making a huge effort to get our lives back on track and be happy. I think the meds are starting to work already. This morning I actually started to feel relaxed and genuinely happy, and it crossed my mind that I could stop trying to be perfect and just enjoy being the joyful, energetic, bouncy person that I should be and have been in the past. I was letting darkness take over and I didn't even realise it. Now that I can see it, I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm going to do all the bright, cheerful things that make me feel good - make music with friendly people, tend to the garden, cook meals and tasty snacks for friends, play with the cat, read books to kids!
It'll be good for David too I think, if I can be happy again. He's SO sensitive to my emotions it's incredible, and I know it makes him happy to see me smile - he says my smile makes everyone happy! If I can bring a bit of lightness back to him, and to the rest of the world, I'll feel like I've done something good.
The speaker was Ian Barnes, a lecturer in ethics and technology at Murdoch uni, and he talked about the global economic and environmental crisis and how we can find hope in what seems like an insurmountable problem. I was glad to be there because he talks intelligently, emotionally and passionately, whilst still managing to come across as gentle and mild. His words about 'soft power' in particular really meant a lot to me, as I've been feeling like my idealistic dreams for the world were being crushed by cynicism, and it was good to hear that someone else shares the hope I have that people can work together and support one another for a better future. For the first time in years, I've felt a real calling to do good in the world, whatever that might mean. It occurred to me that it might be the right thing to go overseas and do aid work somewhere, but the thought scares me shitless, I won't pretend otherwise! I've only been overseas once and it was cushy and easy. I feel like I've never really done hard work in my life and it would be frightening and depressing and exhausting. But I can also imagine that it would be life-affirming and encouraging to see that good work is being done and that I can be a part of it. Hopefully I'll be able to find an organisation I could work with or something. I don't have any skills though, nor any money, so it could be hard.
David sounded keen too! I wonder if it would be possible for both of us to go overseas and work somewhere doing something meaningful. Maybe it could be the answer I've been searching for?
Oh, and I've started on my anti-depressants again. David and I are both making a huge effort to get our lives back on track and be happy. I think the meds are starting to work already. This morning I actually started to feel relaxed and genuinely happy, and it crossed my mind that I could stop trying to be perfect and just enjoy being the joyful, energetic, bouncy person that I should be and have been in the past. I was letting darkness take over and I didn't even realise it. Now that I can see it, I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm going to do all the bright, cheerful things that make me feel good - make music with friendly people, tend to the garden, cook meals and tasty snacks for friends, play with the cat, read books to kids!
It'll be good for David too I think, if I can be happy again. He's SO sensitive to my emotions it's incredible, and I know it makes him happy to see me smile - he says my smile makes everyone happy! If I can bring a bit of lightness back to him, and to the rest of the world, I'll feel like I've done something good.