slipping into old habits
today i decided to pack up my computer and head to the nearest coffee shop, even if it was starbucks (which doesn't have great coffee, or service, and is super expensive, but whatever) and do some job searching. of course, i didn't get going until after 11am, so i decided that stopping and getting some "real food" would probably be a good idea. i'm a huge breakfast person anyway, and i haven't been eating it lately just because there's not been an easy way to get it. so i set off in high hopes, happy to be out and about and that it wasn't as warm as it was yesterday.
of course, getting to the main street, i forgot which direction the starbucks was in (turns out my first instinct was right, but who ever listens to those?) and so i decided to grab some food (like i had been planning) and then go to starbucks. bought sandwich, which didn't tell me which way to go. made the mistake of trying to text jason on my phone, only to be stopped by random crazy person who wanted to use my phone. wtf. no one does this kind of thing to you in portland. but me, being a bit shaken (because i'm the only small skinny white girl that i see anywhere) and also wanting to believe the best in people... i let him use my phone, and he tells me where the starbucks is. wouldn't have been so bad but i'm pretty sure he was hopped up on something, and the people he called called my cell phone back. wtf.
i finally take back my phone and get the heck out of dodge. that's enough for me for one day.
i notice that walking back home has me a lot less confident than i was just this morning. i'm beating up on myself for my naivete, and beating up on myself for letting such a small thing get me down. but the fact of the matter is that i do want to hide.
i forgot how different the san francisco bay area is from portland. i'm starting to remember why i used to wear baggy jeans and big t-shirts. i don't like being made eyes at by tweakers and drunks. i don't want to stop wearing what i do wear though, either. which means i've just got to learn to ignore it, keep my head high, and keep on keeping on. easier said than done.
of course, getting to the main street, i forgot which direction the starbucks was in (turns out my first instinct was right, but who ever listens to those?) and so i decided to grab some food (like i had been planning) and then go to starbucks. bought sandwich, which didn't tell me which way to go. made the mistake of trying to text jason on my phone, only to be stopped by random crazy person who wanted to use my phone. wtf. no one does this kind of thing to you in portland. but me, being a bit shaken (because i'm the only small skinny white girl that i see anywhere) and also wanting to believe the best in people... i let him use my phone, and he tells me where the starbucks is. wouldn't have been so bad but i'm pretty sure he was hopped up on something, and the people he called called my cell phone back. wtf.
i finally take back my phone and get the heck out of dodge. that's enough for me for one day.
i notice that walking back home has me a lot less confident than i was just this morning. i'm beating up on myself for my naivete, and beating up on myself for letting such a small thing get me down. but the fact of the matter is that i do want to hide.
i forgot how different the san francisco bay area is from portland. i'm starting to remember why i used to wear baggy jeans and big t-shirts. i don't like being made eyes at by tweakers and drunks. i don't want to stop wearing what i do wear though, either. which means i've just got to learn to ignore it, keep my head high, and keep on keeping on. easier said than done.