ready, set, fail
so i've come to the realization (and knowledge is power, yes?) that i've not started much on eagleofmeaux's wedding suit because i'm absolutely terrified.
terrified its not going to come out.
paralyzing perfectionism; just what i need. *sigh*
it reminds me of most of my large projects in school - the desire to do well on them grips me so tightly that actually doing them is somewhat of an epic feat. in the end, i always broke down sobbing and did a crap job of it. why? because somehow it seems better to fail for lack of trying than trying and not meeting some un-spoken standard that i or others have set for myself/me.
so i've been trying to figure out a way past this. first tactic: procrastination. never helps much of anything unless a swift kick in the rear is all i need. had that when i realized that wedding was wednesday night instead of thursday. um, yeah. still not doing anything.
second tactic: imagining the worse possible scenario. if i don't do the jacket, he has to just wear pants and a shirt. no biggie. right? right? either i can completely cut off any feeling, or i'm like OMG BUT IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF HIS LIFE AND I'M FUCKING IT UP. hmm. doesn't seem to be helping. either i'm apathetic or paralyzed by my overwhelming sense of responsibility.
third tactic: (i'm running out of time and options) buckle down and do it this weekend. how? *searches database for possible motivations* ah! i want to read my book. so. work on suit, rewarded with reading book. complications: time management. alarms do not always work to end "breaks". hmmm... yes! do laundry. 45 minutes to wash = sewing time. 45 minutes to dry = break to shift, start second load, and read. 45 minutes to dry second load = sewing time. once everything = dry, then 45 minutes to fold/put away and read.
we're testing this theory after i get some food in me. yes. it took me far too long to get out of bed and come up with these tactics this morning. -_-;;
any further suggestions would be appreciated.
* clarification: please do understand that i do want to do this, no matter how much it seems like i don't. and that i do enjoy sewing, a lot. i just don't do well with deadlines.
[update]: 3:30 - all the fabric has been cut. next either sewing, or cutting lining. haven't decided which. on #1 break, #1 load of laundry.
terrified its not going to come out.
paralyzing perfectionism; just what i need. *sigh*
it reminds me of most of my large projects in school - the desire to do well on them grips me so tightly that actually doing them is somewhat of an epic feat. in the end, i always broke down sobbing and did a crap job of it. why? because somehow it seems better to fail for lack of trying than trying and not meeting some un-spoken standard that i or others have set for myself/me.
so i've been trying to figure out a way past this. first tactic: procrastination. never helps much of anything unless a swift kick in the rear is all i need. had that when i realized that wedding was wednesday night instead of thursday. um, yeah. still not doing anything.
second tactic: imagining the worse possible scenario. if i don't do the jacket, he has to just wear pants and a shirt. no biggie. right? right? either i can completely cut off any feeling, or i'm like OMG BUT IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF HIS LIFE AND I'M FUCKING IT UP. hmm. doesn't seem to be helping. either i'm apathetic or paralyzed by my overwhelming sense of responsibility.
third tactic: (i'm running out of time and options) buckle down and do it this weekend. how? *searches database for possible motivations* ah! i want to read my book. so. work on suit, rewarded with reading book. complications: time management. alarms do not always work to end "breaks". hmmm... yes! do laundry. 45 minutes to wash = sewing time. 45 minutes to dry = break to shift, start second load, and read. 45 minutes to dry second load = sewing time. once everything = dry, then 45 minutes to fold/put away and read.
we're testing this theory after i get some food in me. yes. it took me far too long to get out of bed and come up with these tactics this morning. -_-;;
any further suggestions would be appreciated.
* clarification: please do understand that i do want to do this, no matter how much it seems like i don't. and that i do enjoy sewing, a lot. i just don't do well with deadlines.
[update]: 3:30 - all the fabric has been cut. next either sewing, or cutting lining. haven't decided which. on #1 break, #1 load of laundry.