"you can't always get what you want... but sometimes, you can get what you need"
a couple of girls knocked on our door earlier asking for some flour. 2 cups, to be precise. we gladly gave them some of ours. an hour or so later, they came back with a nice little card and a bag of cookies. it was nice, and the cookies were delicious, but the girls honestly looked like they shouldn't be living alone. so young, and yet, so recently i was that age...
regardless, i should never be allowed to be the last one up in the apartment. it always gets me to thinking... and so i thought about my post earlier, which i asked chris about, and he affirmed that i am indeed crazy and unclear (oh so unclear) and that boys will be boys and such is life. but i decided to leave anyway. this is the second weekend in the row that i've not wanted to go, and i didn't feel any better afterward. maybe things would have gotten better once our DM was heading the group vs. one of the more seasoned players (he's running an extended 3-session one shot). maybe it would have gotten worse with that one more guy player added on last week. we'll never really know. but in the end, it wasn't worth the stress for me.
i like to believe that i game to be social, and that is what this initially was. i'm a much more relaxed player, however, than most of the people who were a part of this group (with the exception of blove, who would go about his business even if the world were going to hell in a hand basket around him) and i just don't think i would have lived up to snuff. maybe i'm too hard on myself, or the DM, or the circumstances; i don't know. i just know that i'd much rather hang out with people than be stressed out about things before hanging out with people, and just plain exhausted afterwards.
so the way the cards are dealt shows me having a better time doing crazy things, like going birdwatching with rah_bop. or just spending some time with chris, because lord knows our relationship needs it.
there's just too much else to worry about, money and loans and job finding and roommates and friends and relationships and trying to shorten my To Do list. i love getting away from it all for a bit, loosing myself in some good ol' fantastical fun, but only if it is fun, and in college it was really my friends that made it so. otherwise you wouldn't sit around for an hour doing nothing waiting for something to happen - joking with friends made the time pass much faster.
for now, it is better to shrink my focus - stop adding things to my sewing projects, hope to do well on my interview sometime next week (it will be a superbly sweet job if i get it; $12hr @ 34hr/wk, near home, jewish & national holidays, 9-5 m-th, 9-4 friday. oh please please please, gods of wyrd or destiny or whatever you wish to call it, i really want this job) and watch my TV shows whilst i sew sew or unsew to resew again. after all, it was a song in the background of a TV show that got me writing this all in the first place.
regardless, i should never be allowed to be the last one up in the apartment. it always gets me to thinking... and so i thought about my post earlier, which i asked chris about, and he affirmed that i am indeed crazy and unclear (oh so unclear) and that boys will be boys and such is life. but i decided to leave anyway. this is the second weekend in the row that i've not wanted to go, and i didn't feel any better afterward. maybe things would have gotten better once our DM was heading the group vs. one of the more seasoned players (he's running an extended 3-session one shot). maybe it would have gotten worse with that one more guy player added on last week. we'll never really know. but in the end, it wasn't worth the stress for me.
i like to believe that i game to be social, and that is what this initially was. i'm a much more relaxed player, however, than most of the people who were a part of this group (with the exception of blove, who would go about his business even if the world were going to hell in a hand basket around him) and i just don't think i would have lived up to snuff. maybe i'm too hard on myself, or the DM, or the circumstances; i don't know. i just know that i'd much rather hang out with people than be stressed out about things before hanging out with people, and just plain exhausted afterwards.
so the way the cards are dealt shows me having a better time doing crazy things, like going birdwatching with rah_bop. or just spending some time with chris, because lord knows our relationship needs it.
there's just too much else to worry about, money and loans and job finding and roommates and friends and relationships and trying to shorten my To Do list. i love getting away from it all for a bit, loosing myself in some good ol' fantastical fun, but only if it is fun, and in college it was really my friends that made it so. otherwise you wouldn't sit around for an hour doing nothing waiting for something to happen - joking with friends made the time pass much faster.
for now, it is better to shrink my focus - stop adding things to my sewing projects, hope to do well on my interview sometime next week (it will be a superbly sweet job if i get it; $12hr @ 34hr/wk, near home, jewish & national holidays, 9-5 m-th, 9-4 friday. oh please please please, gods of wyrd or destiny or whatever you wish to call it, i really want this job) and watch my TV shows whilst i sew sew or unsew to resew again. after all, it was a song in the background of a TV show that got me writing this all in the first place.