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[nekokitana]

Well, lj fans, it looks like there's another fork in the road. Only this time, this one is threatening to take away everything. My dearest phoenix, the one for whom I would give up my very life says that he needs some time. What my heart interpreted from that is that it would just be easier for him to give up on me than to be with me. I just don't understand how he can tell me that he will be there for me no matter what and then turn away when the first bad thing comes along. This is all my fault. Just from my personal experience, I don't think that he is going to come back, even though I know in my heart that we are meant to be. I never meant to hurt him. There is no end to my love for him. That is why if he goes away permanently, I know that I will be alone forever, because I can never love anyone else. And I don't even want to try. If my phoenix doesn't return to me, then I will be alone forever. I could never love anyone as much as I love my phoenix. I am making an effort to get my problems resolved, so that maybe there can still be hope for my phoenix and me. I have been praying lately. I just hope that God will hear my prayers. Even though I have turned away. I think that this might have been His way for me to get a wake up call. I have never felt such a sorrow in my whole life. I just hope that my phoenix can forgive me. and that maybe we can start over again. He said that I am the one for him. Can someone's heart so quickly turn away? I will quote him in something from the night that he found out what I did. " What, are you trying to drive me away?, Well, you can't. You are stuck with me. We will get through this together." I know that he is terrified and confused right now, and I know that he will have a hard time trusting me, but I know that he loves me, and I know that he was telling me the truth. We can get through this together. I believe this with my whole heart, and I will do whatever it takes to make things right. It will hurt me but even if it means giving him space, I will do it so that he knows that I love him and would do anything to keep us alive. He says that he feels like a piece of him has died. It hasn't died. He is inadvertently trying to push it away. But it hasn't died. It is waiting for him to come back and retrieve it.
A message to my phoenix: I love you with my whole heart, and I will do anything to make this better, granted, memory will never go away, but we can move on and start fresh from here. You mean the world to me. And I am so very sorry from the depths of my soul. I believe in us and that we can work through this. Please, don't turn away from the one who loves you.