[Original] Lead Complex
Title: Lead Complex
Universe: Brother Complex
Author: nekojirou_san
Warnings: Yaoi/BL, Younger seme, Older Uke, Brother Complex, Set in Japan
Summary: READ THE TITLE. There is no incest.
Note: I wrote another one, aha.
Oh, I didn't edit this yet. It's late, I'll correct typoes tomorrow.
-0-
BROTHER COMPLEX: LEAD COMPLEX
-0-
Tonight, the moon is full. I really don't know how I should be feeling right now. There's a strange pain wrenching at my heart. I'm frustrated and hurt. Yet, what is this happiness dwelling within all this anger? I thought I'd be happy, but I'm torn. I wonder what you could call this feeling. It was like acceptance and denial at the same time. No wait, that's not right. It was like I was pained by the fact I accepted this situation. Am I pained? Definitely. I'm frustrated to the point of complete rage. However, I must remain remain calm. This wasn't the right place to get angry. 11PM, alone in an office, with no one around.
I was working overtime and, in my unrest, I remembered something extremely unpleasant.
"Takeru-senpai! Otsukaresama deshita!"
Damn it. Although I told Masaya that I acknowledged his relationship with 'Kei-san', I still can't bring myself to accept it. To think I had to give away my precious little brother to a brat that didn't look a day over twelve! Twenty-seven? You have got to be kidding me. There was no way. He had no wrinkles, no distortion whatsoever on his face. In comparison to me who-
"Ta. Ke. Ru. Senpai! Oi! Are you there?"
"Ah!"
I practically fell off my chair when I finally realized the younger man's presence. How long had he been standing there? I should clear out my thoughts. "Katsushima-kun, what are you still doing here?" I asked him.
Katsushima Hinata was a high school student working part-time in the company. His father was working with the higher ups and, as his son, he got a summer job doing miscellaneous work around the building. He was younger than Masaya by a year and, as far as I knew, attended the same school as him.
Well, it's not like I knew much about him, but Katsushima made a habit of coming to talk to me now and then. It's not like a really minded though. Katsushima often talked about school, so I got hear rumours about Masaya in a roundabout way. Of course, I'm pretty sure Katsushima isn't aware I'm Masaya's older brother.
"Nothing. I fell asleep in the copy room and when I woke up it was already this late. I was on my way out when I saw senpai here."
"Ah, I see. Be careful on your way out then."
Katsushima nodded half-heartedly. I raised a brow in reply. "U-uh, Takeru-senpai!"
"What is it?"
And, without warning, something happened.
Something soft and moist pressed itself against my lips. Thin lips touched mine and they brushed over each other gently. I couldn't breathe and my eyes were wide open. Katsushima had closed his eyes and took my chin in his hands, beckoning me to follow his lead. Despite my stunned state, I complied instinctively. My mouth started opening and something foreign came close to entering it.
It had to stop there.
I pushed Katsushima off me and got up in a shock. "W-w-what do you think you're doing, Katsushima-kun!?"
The boy hung his head low and gave me a sad look for a moment before getting up. He straightened up and he suddenly looked years older. Were all kids like this now? They act childish for a second and the next thing you know, they're adults. Masaya was the same. So spoiled and cute, and yet, when it came down to it, he stood tall and imposing like a man.
Now where did that leave people like me? I wasn't that tall and I didn't have a strong build. I had completely inherited my mother's traits. Although I wanted to be a florist, I ended up in a stupid business company simply because I wanted to wear a suit and seem more masculine. I didn't want to look weak.
And yet! This kid, this brat... he up and just...
"Senpai, I can't apologize for what I just did. Actually, I--"
He just KISSED me!
"Do you think I'm that weak?!" I interrupted, angry. "Do you think you can just kiss me out of the blue because I look weak?! Do I look like I want to be abused by another man?! A younger man, no less? I'm straight dammit!"
"S-senpai..."
"Get out of my sight."
"W-wait. Let me explain, I just..."
"Fine!" I banged my fist on the desk behind me, turning away from the boy's stare. "If you leave, then I will. Don't you dare leave this room until I'm out of the building!"
And without another word, I left the office in a huff.
-0-
Now that I think about it, maybe I was wrong to vent out on Katsushima that way.
When I finally calmed down and got home, I realized how unreasonable I was being. I was thinking about Masaya and getting frustrated about his relationship with that Sakaguchi Keitaro. Because of that, I made a huge mistake in copying data and had to stay to work overtime. Even that wasn't bad enough, Katsushima just had to show up when my frustration reached its peak. Sure, he asked for it when he kissed me.
But there must have been a calmer way to deal with that situation.
Wait a sec.
Why did Katsushima kiss me anyway?
I didn't let him explain himself, did? I guess that was awful of me. I should apologize tomorrow.
"Uh, niichan? Are you still there?"
"E-eh? A-ah, yeah. I'm still here. What's up Masaya? Isn't it expensive to call from where you are?"
Masaya shrugged. "I was worried about you."
"You were? I'm happy to hear that." I told him sincerely. "You're spending your time with your precious lover and you still have the time to worry about me! Ah, you make this brother of yours so happy Masaya."
He laughed lightly before returning back on track. "L-look, I just wanted to tell you something."
"Sure. I'll listen to anything you have to say."
"I think you should find a girlfriend, Takeru-nii."
"Eh?"
"W-well, you see. That is, I thought that maybe, if you had a girlfriend you would---"
"Ah, I see."
"Y-you do?"
I sighed. "You think I'm annoying don't you? An older brother obsessing over his little brother, asking for every little detail about his lover, calling him every time he can because he misses him so much... I'm annoying, aren't I?"
"T-that's not it, Takeru-nii. I'm seriously worried about you. You've never gone out with anyone because you've always been taking care of me. I just wanted nii-chan to think of his own happiness for once."
"Don't you know Masaya? Your happiness is my happiness."
I imagined my brother put on a serious face at this moment. "What if I told you my happiness was for you to find love?"
"Foolish!"
"Just think about it alright? I'm running out of time now. Good night, Takeru-nii."
"Good night."
As soon as I put down the phone, I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Takeru-senpai...”
Love? How foolish.
I didn’t need such a thing. Just taking care of Masaya, making sure he was safe and happy, that’s I needed in my life. I didn’t need anyone else. I had a purpose in life, I didn’t have to look for love. I had enough love for Masaya to last me a lifetime. There wasn’t anything else I needed. There wasn’t anything else I wanted.
I never lusted for anyone. As a man, I had my needs, but I never wanted anyone. My brain was full of thoughts for Masaya and taking care of him. That’s it. That’s all there was to my existence.
But...
Masaya’s already and adult isn’t he? I won’t be able to take care of him anymore...
Wait then.
What meaning would be existence have without Masaya?
Heh.
Love.
I didn’t need it.
And yet... why did that boy’s face come to mind?
“Takeru-senpai...”
-0-
The next day, I could barely stand when I got to work. I was tired from thinking about all sorts of things the night before. How pathetic of me. A grown man shouldn’t be having such worries about love.
“Takeru-senpai, good morning!”
“K-katsushima-kun...”
The boy smiled. It was obvious what he was going to ask me, so I didn’t leave him the chance. I sighed and beckoned him to follow me. “Come on. You want to talk to me, right? We’ll have some privacy on the roof.”
-0-
“I’m sorry for shouting at you last night. I was out of it.”
“N-no. I went and did that out of nowhere. You’re reaction was to be expected.” Katsushima answered. “Actually, I’m happy you didn’t punch me or anything.”
“Katsushima, do you love me?”
The boy blinked, as if surprised to hear those words leave my lips. I repeated him and he blushed furiously before nodding slowly. “Yes, I do. I love you, Takeru-senpai.”
“I see.” I replied. “So, you want to go out with me, right?”
“E-eh? W-well yes... I do.”
Poor kid. He looks confused. I bet I must have ruined his flow. He probably wanted to say all of this himself. I should have waited instead of taking the lead. “I’m sorry. We can restart, if you want.”
“What?”
“You wanted to confess, right? Go ahead.”
A small light sparked in Katsushima’s eyes. His previous shakiness wore off and he approached me with the allure of a grown man. I looked up at him, wondering why the hell the new generation was so goddamn tall.
“Takeru-senpai, I love you. Please go out with me.”
But, despite their appearance, they were still children after all. I laughed to myself.
Maybe it wouldn’t be too hard to try. Masaya said he wanted me to experience love. Love was the very thing that took my brother away from me. What was so strong about it? What was it about love that made people change and become better humans?
What was love?
I guess it couldn’t hurt to find out.
“Sure, alright.”
“EH!? Seriously?”
“Yeah, sure. It’s not like I’m seeing anyone and, besides, I don’t hate you.” I answered calmly. “I will, however, let you know that I do not feel the same way you do. I’ve always believed I was straight and I don’t believe I’m homo.”
I expected Katsushima to make a sad face, but instead, he smiled at me and took me in his arms. This reaction to my words surprised me.
“I just have to make you fall in love with me, right?”
I didn’t nod.
I didn’t say anything.
I just stood in that man’s arms, wondering what was going to happen in the future. This boy loved me. I felt nothing for him. There was no reason for me to accept his confession, but on the other hand, there was no reason for me to reject it either. This boy loved me and was willing to go out without me, knowing well that there was zero to nil chance that I would love him back. Was love really that strong? Was it so strong that something as fundamental as logic didn’t exist anymore?
But this was what you wanted, right Masaya?
-0-
Later...
“Takeru-senpai?”
“Drop the ‘senpai’, Hinata.”
“I-I want to, but it feels awkward.”
“How so, Hinata?”
Katsushima blushed again. Ever since he confessed, we stayed on the building’s rooftop doing nothing. I was sleepy, so I demanded to have Katsushima’s lap as a pillow. He was petting my hair and looking down at me, embarrassed.
“You’re face is red, Hinata.” I pointed out blatantly and he turned redder.
“I-It’s because you keep saying my name!”
“We’re lovers now, aren’t we? Isn’t it obvious that I call you ‘Hinata’? Besides, I always did like your first name.”
“R-really?”
“It’s written with the kanji for ‘facing the sun’, right? It suits you more than Katsushima.” I answered, looking up at the boy’s red face.
“T-take... ru...”
I smiled. “There’s no silence between ‘ke’ and ‘ru’, Hinata.” I whispered his name softly and got up, kissing my younger lover gently. His blush slowly faded to be replaced by white shocked. I laughed, amused by the boy’s reactions. He always does things against my expectations.
When the shock subsided, he returned my amused look with a grin. “I always thought your name was written with the kanji for ‘noble’, now I think it might be with the kanji for ‘fierce’ instead.”
“You were right the first time, Hinata.”
“Was I?”
Playing along with me, Katsushima leaned in again for a deeper kiss. This time, I let his tongue slip in and we stayed intertwined for the rest of the morning.
I wasn’t sure what exactly love felt like.
I knew what kind of love I held towards Masaya and that love will never fade.
But when I thought about how cute Katsushima was, it felt like a small step forward towards something bigger.
-0-
End
Notes: Takeru's personality is very strange. I'm intrigued. I want to draw the cast now. Takeru: cool and fierce. Hinata: Earnest and bright. Masaya: composed and well-intentioned. Kei-san: Cute and bubble. Aah~ I feel the most at home with Japanese characters after all.
Universe: Brother Complex
Author: nekojirou_san
Warnings: Yaoi/BL, Younger seme, Older Uke, Brother Complex, Set in Japan
Summary: READ THE TITLE. There is no incest.
Note: I wrote another one, aha.
Oh, I didn't edit this yet. It's late, I'll correct typoes tomorrow.
-0-
BROTHER COMPLEX: LEAD COMPLEX
-0-
Tonight, the moon is full. I really don't know how I should be feeling right now. There's a strange pain wrenching at my heart. I'm frustrated and hurt. Yet, what is this happiness dwelling within all this anger? I thought I'd be happy, but I'm torn. I wonder what you could call this feeling. It was like acceptance and denial at the same time. No wait, that's not right. It was like I was pained by the fact I accepted this situation. Am I pained? Definitely. I'm frustrated to the point of complete rage. However, I must remain remain calm. This wasn't the right place to get angry. 11PM, alone in an office, with no one around.
I was working overtime and, in my unrest, I remembered something extremely unpleasant.
"Takeru-senpai! Otsukaresama deshita!"
Damn it. Although I told Masaya that I acknowledged his relationship with 'Kei-san', I still can't bring myself to accept it. To think I had to give away my precious little brother to a brat that didn't look a day over twelve! Twenty-seven? You have got to be kidding me. There was no way. He had no wrinkles, no distortion whatsoever on his face. In comparison to me who-
"Ta. Ke. Ru. Senpai! Oi! Are you there?"
"Ah!"
I practically fell off my chair when I finally realized the younger man's presence. How long had he been standing there? I should clear out my thoughts. "Katsushima-kun, what are you still doing here?" I asked him.
Katsushima Hinata was a high school student working part-time in the company. His father was working with the higher ups and, as his son, he got a summer job doing miscellaneous work around the building. He was younger than Masaya by a year and, as far as I knew, attended the same school as him.
Well, it's not like I knew much about him, but Katsushima made a habit of coming to talk to me now and then. It's not like a really minded though. Katsushima often talked about school, so I got hear rumours about Masaya in a roundabout way. Of course, I'm pretty sure Katsushima isn't aware I'm Masaya's older brother.
"Nothing. I fell asleep in the copy room and when I woke up it was already this late. I was on my way out when I saw senpai here."
"Ah, I see. Be careful on your way out then."
Katsushima nodded half-heartedly. I raised a brow in reply. "U-uh, Takeru-senpai!"
"What is it?"
And, without warning, something happened.
Something soft and moist pressed itself against my lips. Thin lips touched mine and they brushed over each other gently. I couldn't breathe and my eyes were wide open. Katsushima had closed his eyes and took my chin in his hands, beckoning me to follow his lead. Despite my stunned state, I complied instinctively. My mouth started opening and something foreign came close to entering it.
It had to stop there.
I pushed Katsushima off me and got up in a shock. "W-w-what do you think you're doing, Katsushima-kun!?"
The boy hung his head low and gave me a sad look for a moment before getting up. He straightened up and he suddenly looked years older. Were all kids like this now? They act childish for a second and the next thing you know, they're adults. Masaya was the same. So spoiled and cute, and yet, when it came down to it, he stood tall and imposing like a man.
Now where did that leave people like me? I wasn't that tall and I didn't have a strong build. I had completely inherited my mother's traits. Although I wanted to be a florist, I ended up in a stupid business company simply because I wanted to wear a suit and seem more masculine. I didn't want to look weak.
And yet! This kid, this brat... he up and just...
"Senpai, I can't apologize for what I just did. Actually, I--"
He just KISSED me!
"Do you think I'm that weak?!" I interrupted, angry. "Do you think you can just kiss me out of the blue because I look weak?! Do I look like I want to be abused by another man?! A younger man, no less? I'm straight dammit!"
"S-senpai..."
"Get out of my sight."
"W-wait. Let me explain, I just..."
"Fine!" I banged my fist on the desk behind me, turning away from the boy's stare. "If you leave, then I will. Don't you dare leave this room until I'm out of the building!"
And without another word, I left the office in a huff.
-0-
Now that I think about it, maybe I was wrong to vent out on Katsushima that way.
When I finally calmed down and got home, I realized how unreasonable I was being. I was thinking about Masaya and getting frustrated about his relationship with that Sakaguchi Keitaro. Because of that, I made a huge mistake in copying data and had to stay to work overtime. Even that wasn't bad enough, Katsushima just had to show up when my frustration reached its peak. Sure, he asked for it when he kissed me.
But there must have been a calmer way to deal with that situation.
Wait a sec.
Why did Katsushima kiss me anyway?
I didn't let him explain himself, did? I guess that was awful of me. I should apologize tomorrow.
"Uh, niichan? Are you still there?"
"E-eh? A-ah, yeah. I'm still here. What's up Masaya? Isn't it expensive to call from where you are?"
Masaya shrugged. "I was worried about you."
"You were? I'm happy to hear that." I told him sincerely. "You're spending your time with your precious lover and you still have the time to worry about me! Ah, you make this brother of yours so happy Masaya."
He laughed lightly before returning back on track. "L-look, I just wanted to tell you something."
"Sure. I'll listen to anything you have to say."
"I think you should find a girlfriend, Takeru-nii."
"Eh?"
"W-well, you see. That is, I thought that maybe, if you had a girlfriend you would---"
"Ah, I see."
"Y-you do?"
I sighed. "You think I'm annoying don't you? An older brother obsessing over his little brother, asking for every little detail about his lover, calling him every time he can because he misses him so much... I'm annoying, aren't I?"
"T-that's not it, Takeru-nii. I'm seriously worried about you. You've never gone out with anyone because you've always been taking care of me. I just wanted nii-chan to think of his own happiness for once."
"Don't you know Masaya? Your happiness is my happiness."
I imagined my brother put on a serious face at this moment. "What if I told you my happiness was for you to find love?"
"Foolish!"
"Just think about it alright? I'm running out of time now. Good night, Takeru-nii."
"Good night."
As soon as I put down the phone, I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Takeru-senpai...”
Love? How foolish.
I didn’t need such a thing. Just taking care of Masaya, making sure he was safe and happy, that’s I needed in my life. I didn’t need anyone else. I had a purpose in life, I didn’t have to look for love. I had enough love for Masaya to last me a lifetime. There wasn’t anything else I needed. There wasn’t anything else I wanted.
I never lusted for anyone. As a man, I had my needs, but I never wanted anyone. My brain was full of thoughts for Masaya and taking care of him. That’s it. That’s all there was to my existence.
But...
Masaya’s already and adult isn’t he? I won’t be able to take care of him anymore...
Wait then.
What meaning would be existence have without Masaya?
Heh.
Love.
I didn’t need it.
And yet... why did that boy’s face come to mind?
“Takeru-senpai...”
-0-
The next day, I could barely stand when I got to work. I was tired from thinking about all sorts of things the night before. How pathetic of me. A grown man shouldn’t be having such worries about love.
“Takeru-senpai, good morning!”
“K-katsushima-kun...”
The boy smiled. It was obvious what he was going to ask me, so I didn’t leave him the chance. I sighed and beckoned him to follow me. “Come on. You want to talk to me, right? We’ll have some privacy on the roof.”
-0-
“I’m sorry for shouting at you last night. I was out of it.”
“N-no. I went and did that out of nowhere. You’re reaction was to be expected.” Katsushima answered. “Actually, I’m happy you didn’t punch me or anything.”
“Katsushima, do you love me?”
The boy blinked, as if surprised to hear those words leave my lips. I repeated him and he blushed furiously before nodding slowly. “Yes, I do. I love you, Takeru-senpai.”
“I see.” I replied. “So, you want to go out with me, right?”
“E-eh? W-well yes... I do.”
Poor kid. He looks confused. I bet I must have ruined his flow. He probably wanted to say all of this himself. I should have waited instead of taking the lead. “I’m sorry. We can restart, if you want.”
“What?”
“You wanted to confess, right? Go ahead.”
A small light sparked in Katsushima’s eyes. His previous shakiness wore off and he approached me with the allure of a grown man. I looked up at him, wondering why the hell the new generation was so goddamn tall.
“Takeru-senpai, I love you. Please go out with me.”
But, despite their appearance, they were still children after all. I laughed to myself.
Maybe it wouldn’t be too hard to try. Masaya said he wanted me to experience love. Love was the very thing that took my brother away from me. What was so strong about it? What was it about love that made people change and become better humans?
What was love?
I guess it couldn’t hurt to find out.
“Sure, alright.”
“EH!? Seriously?”
“Yeah, sure. It’s not like I’m seeing anyone and, besides, I don’t hate you.” I answered calmly. “I will, however, let you know that I do not feel the same way you do. I’ve always believed I was straight and I don’t believe I’m homo.”
I expected Katsushima to make a sad face, but instead, he smiled at me and took me in his arms. This reaction to my words surprised me.
“I just have to make you fall in love with me, right?”
I didn’t nod.
I didn’t say anything.
I just stood in that man’s arms, wondering what was going to happen in the future. This boy loved me. I felt nothing for him. There was no reason for me to accept his confession, but on the other hand, there was no reason for me to reject it either. This boy loved me and was willing to go out without me, knowing well that there was zero to nil chance that I would love him back. Was love really that strong? Was it so strong that something as fundamental as logic didn’t exist anymore?
But this was what you wanted, right Masaya?
-0-
Later...
“Takeru-senpai?”
“Drop the ‘senpai’, Hinata.”
“I-I want to, but it feels awkward.”
“How so, Hinata?”
Katsushima blushed again. Ever since he confessed, we stayed on the building’s rooftop doing nothing. I was sleepy, so I demanded to have Katsushima’s lap as a pillow. He was petting my hair and looking down at me, embarrassed.
“You’re face is red, Hinata.” I pointed out blatantly and he turned redder.
“I-It’s because you keep saying my name!”
“We’re lovers now, aren’t we? Isn’t it obvious that I call you ‘Hinata’? Besides, I always did like your first name.”
“R-really?”
“It’s written with the kanji for ‘facing the sun’, right? It suits you more than Katsushima.” I answered, looking up at the boy’s red face.
“T-take... ru...”
I smiled. “There’s no silence between ‘ke’ and ‘ru’, Hinata.” I whispered his name softly and got up, kissing my younger lover gently. His blush slowly faded to be replaced by white shocked. I laughed, amused by the boy’s reactions. He always does things against my expectations.
When the shock subsided, he returned my amused look with a grin. “I always thought your name was written with the kanji for ‘noble’, now I think it might be with the kanji for ‘fierce’ instead.”
“You were right the first time, Hinata.”
“Was I?”
Playing along with me, Katsushima leaned in again for a deeper kiss. This time, I let his tongue slip in and we stayed intertwined for the rest of the morning.
I wasn’t sure what exactly love felt like.
I knew what kind of love I held towards Masaya and that love will never fade.
But when I thought about how cute Katsushima was, it felt like a small step forward towards something bigger.
-0-
End
Notes: Takeru's personality is very strange. I'm intrigued. I want to draw the cast now. Takeru: cool and fierce. Hinata: Earnest and bright. Masaya: composed and well-intentioned. Kei-san: Cute and bubble. Aah~ I feel the most at home with Japanese characters after all.