A Lost Friend
There are a few things this journal is going to address. One of which is someone I once held dear, that I no longer know. The other is an issue with how my live journal should be treated (for future reference so I don't have poor Chelly's problems).
A long time ago, like junior year, I began a friendship with someone I barely even remembered meeting. Chris was a great guy in my life. He slowly became one of the closest friends I'd ever had. We litterally confinded everything in one another. When I went to Popano we still talked like every night. We went to Mason together. We took a ton of classes together in the spring. It was a good time. We were really close and we made one another stronger.
Then something happened, and for one reason or another, we found ourselves unable to maintain that friendship. We fought hard and long for most of the transition between first and second semester. With our abundance of classes together second semester we still managed to keep contact. I kept calling him outside of class, kept trying to keep up with his life. I just wanted to know how things were going, what was interesting.
I got nothing in return. No calls, no mention of his life, no nothing.
I didn't really understand it at the time. Nor do I really understand it now.
Either way, there is basically no more communication between the two of us anymore. I'll call every now and then and leave a message to see what's up - he never answers his phone for me. He called back once this summer in response to my calls and told me how he hadn't had his phone for the better part of two weeks...I excused him.
Then, a few days ago, I called again. He wrote on LJ and seemed upset. I offered him someone to talk to or confide in if he needed anything. Then....I got the biggest slap in the face ever.
He called Amber up and invited her to come hang out with him and Kari. He'd gotten my message, but just didn't want to call back. Then he called and said 'So.........Amber suggested I call. I think she wants you to come to the movies or something with us.' WTF? So AMBER suggested you call. Can you make it any MORE obvious that you DID NOT want to call me?
Then.......after I got no word from them for the longest time, I find out that they were at Kari's. He calls again. To return my 2 or 3 calls searching for them. 'We're at Kari's. But, we're going to go do something. So....uh.....(turning away from the phone) I've got two beautiful women with me right here, what are we going to do together?' Hello? Could you blow me off any easier while you're ON THE PHONE WITH ME?!
I just felt sooooooooo unwanted it was ridiculous. Like, I'd already had a long and lonely day. I really did not need to have him FINALLY call me to ignore me and do his best to be sure I knew he didn't want me there. I just don't get what his problem is. Why the hell can't he TELL me what I DID?! Why doesn't he just let me know what the hell is going on.
I can't ask him, or call him....he won't call back.
I know that chances are he just wants me the fuck out of his life for good. That just fucking makes me feel like shit though because he always said a million times through all our fighting that he just wanted to stay a part of my life no matter how he was in relation to me. As long as he was still a part of my life. And I wanted him to be, but he was lieing.
And it sucks even more because he's keeping in contact with everyone around me, so it's not like it's just that he doesn't want to hang out with anyone anymore. He still calls up Travis and Amber and God know's who else.
I just felt like it was a huge slap in the face.
And the sad thing is...I know I won't ever get an explination.
I feel so unwanted right now.
Beyond that...after seeing what happened to poor Chelly when she was writing on Lj...I'd like to make a statement of how to react to my journals.
If the mood says 'depressed' 'pissed off' 'sad' 'angery' etc...chances are I'm venting. Just trying to get it all out. The emotional escape is during the writing. Not when I'm checking the boxes on the 'more options' part of this page. So if I don't block it, and it's obvious (as it was with her entry) that I'm venting, don't bother responding unless you agree with me. Otherwise it'll just take longer before I can see if I was wrong or not.
I don't like when people say shit just to make someone feel worse. It's a dick head thing to do to a friend, or to anyone. So don't do it here. Because I'm too fucking lazy to have to lock it everytime I think someone might make an ass hole comment.
A long time ago, like junior year, I began a friendship with someone I barely even remembered meeting. Chris was a great guy in my life. He slowly became one of the closest friends I'd ever had. We litterally confinded everything in one another. When I went to Popano we still talked like every night. We went to Mason together. We took a ton of classes together in the spring. It was a good time. We were really close and we made one another stronger.
Then something happened, and for one reason or another, we found ourselves unable to maintain that friendship. We fought hard and long for most of the transition between first and second semester. With our abundance of classes together second semester we still managed to keep contact. I kept calling him outside of class, kept trying to keep up with his life. I just wanted to know how things were going, what was interesting.
I got nothing in return. No calls, no mention of his life, no nothing.
I didn't really understand it at the time. Nor do I really understand it now.
Either way, there is basically no more communication between the two of us anymore. I'll call every now and then and leave a message to see what's up - he never answers his phone for me. He called back once this summer in response to my calls and told me how he hadn't had his phone for the better part of two weeks...I excused him.
Then, a few days ago, I called again. He wrote on LJ and seemed upset. I offered him someone to talk to or confide in if he needed anything. Then....I got the biggest slap in the face ever.
He called Amber up and invited her to come hang out with him and Kari. He'd gotten my message, but just didn't want to call back. Then he called and said 'So.........Amber suggested I call. I think she wants you to come to the movies or something with us.' WTF? So AMBER suggested you call. Can you make it any MORE obvious that you DID NOT want to call me?
Then.......after I got no word from them for the longest time, I find out that they were at Kari's. He calls again. To return my 2 or 3 calls searching for them. 'We're at Kari's. But, we're going to go do something. So....uh.....(turning away from the phone) I've got two beautiful women with me right here, what are we going to do together?' Hello? Could you blow me off any easier while you're ON THE PHONE WITH ME?!
I just felt sooooooooo unwanted it was ridiculous. Like, I'd already had a long and lonely day. I really did not need to have him FINALLY call me to ignore me and do his best to be sure I knew he didn't want me there. I just don't get what his problem is. Why the hell can't he TELL me what I DID?! Why doesn't he just let me know what the hell is going on.
I can't ask him, or call him....he won't call back.
I know that chances are he just wants me the fuck out of his life for good. That just fucking makes me feel like shit though because he always said a million times through all our fighting that he just wanted to stay a part of my life no matter how he was in relation to me. As long as he was still a part of my life. And I wanted him to be, but he was lieing.
And it sucks even more because he's keeping in contact with everyone around me, so it's not like it's just that he doesn't want to hang out with anyone anymore. He still calls up Travis and Amber and God know's who else.
I just felt like it was a huge slap in the face.
And the sad thing is...I know I won't ever get an explination.
I feel so unwanted right now.
Beyond that...after seeing what happened to poor Chelly when she was writing on Lj...I'd like to make a statement of how to react to my journals.
If the mood says 'depressed' 'pissed off' 'sad' 'angery' etc...chances are I'm venting. Just trying to get it all out. The emotional escape is during the writing. Not when I'm checking the boxes on the 'more options' part of this page. So if I don't block it, and it's obvious (as it was with her entry) that I'm venting, don't bother responding unless you agree with me. Otherwise it'll just take longer before I can see if I was wrong or not.
I don't like when people say shit just to make someone feel worse. It's a dick head thing to do to a friend, or to anyone. So don't do it here. Because I'm too fucking lazy to have to lock it everytime I think someone might make an ass hole comment.