and then it goes to shit
today was going well... I got up after a reasonable sleep, sent in prescription to be filled, took my ADHD meds, and got to work.
Got most of it done, even into the computer. Go to check my mail cause I mailed myself an image for my assignment, I see the spring/summer course package is out. So I take a look, not expecting much.
But there’s the course! the course that was cancelled last fall that I really want to take and pretty much need to graduate! It’s being offered!!! I rush to take down the information to get myself signed up.
But then I look at the dates: June 19th to August 11th... Fridays, 6pm to 9pm onsite...
Not the online hybrid I was expected, or even the summer intensive class. An on-site class, every Friday for three hours, for 7-8 weeks. I live roughly a 3 hour drive out of town. That’ll be more time travelling than in class.
If I drive, that’s about $50 in gas, never mind parking. If I take the bus, I might get lucky with Megabus and get the $1 tickets, but if not, I’m looking at $22 per direction, at least. So $50 to $100 each week, just to get to class.
Unless I get a good scholarship or award, I can’t afford that!
Never mind that my parents have me off to Scotland for two weeks in July! Nonrefundable tickets, all the accommodations booked, car rental made.
I burst into tears.
Maybe it was my meds crashing on an empty stomach, but damnit, it just seemed so cruel. Yeah, it would have helped to known about the course a month ago and I should have checked my email back then, but it doesn’t really change anything. I can’t go. I need the class, and I can’t go, because of when it is, because of how it’s being delivered.
Tears are still streaming down my face.
I went okay, so I can’t take the class, well, what was my grade from summer? Let’s get my tax forms. I sign into the school website.
a hold on my account. nearly $700 due.
We paid $800 last term??? I’m in a two-term class, and ....
I’m exhausted from crying. And now the system is down so I can’t find what all I paid for last term. I’ve been hanging on by cashing in savings bonds and tax returns. I finally paid off my credit card, have been sort of keeping my online spending under control, and then I find out my cat has an infection and that sets me back ~$200, and now this. My brain’s into doom mode, thinking of all the ways things are going to go badly now, and wanting me to just sit, cry, and give up.
The crying, I might indulge because it’s been a long time since I have, and trying to stop it never works. The giving up, I’m gonna fight. I just need to take the time to get my feet back under me.
urg, I just hope this headache I cried myself into goes away.