The Apartment is Dead (Most Likely)
So my mom had emailed me saying that she didn't want to see any places without Dad, that he wouldn't be around to move me until July anyways. In other words, let's put the entire thing on hold till Dad gets home so my parents can find a place for me to live that's close to their house. It has totally not past me by that all the places that they want me to live are in the west end, very close to work, but in two-plus bus routes for me to get anywhere, especially anywhere that my parents aren't involved. Their solution to this is for me to GET RIDES WITH THEM.
UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I emailed back saying that I was worried that if we wait, all the good apartments will be gone. And that I had done research and already sorted, checked out bus routes, the neighbourhoods, etc. All that's needed is to look inside. I also mentioned that while last year I wasn't ready to move (and didn't really want to hear anymore of her guilt tripping, cause she was trying), I was really ready NOW, especially with housemates that drink too much and pass out in the front entrance (this would be the newest housemate, D).
TODAY I got an email from Mom saying that she's not signing a lease unless Dad's there, that they really do not have the money for this, that I'm bullying them for money, that the car needs fixing/is unfixable and apparently it's all my fault. Everyone is feeling sick, and apparently, it's all my fault. Well, not all of it, just most of it.
And of course, this is on top of my Mom's medical issues (she hurt her knee, and the doctors have NO CLUE what's wrong, so she's on codeine, and on top of her OTHER medical issues, all the doctors are telling her to take medical leave and shit) so Mom Just Can't Cope.
So she's pulling the plug, because she won't pay money for me to "party". "If it's so bad where you are", she says, "then take more shifts at work."
Right. On ODSP, where they clawback 50% of your earnings. While going to school. While AUTISTIC, in a workplace that can and has been medically hazardous to me. That for every shift, I immediately fall apart and SLEEP for a spell, unable to take care of myself. But yes, let's forget all of this and take more shifts, just to get an apartment. Let's totally throw away all my happiness, free time, social life, ability to self care, nevermind everything I've ever worked for in autism rights, etc, just for that apartment.
Fuck that shit.
My mother clearly has NO understanding of how delicate a system my self care is; that just LIVING WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE COUNTS AS SOCIAL INTERACTION. Thus, the late bedtimes. Every time B knocks on my door, it disrupts my recharge, and as it is, I AM CONSTANTLY IN A STATE OF RECHARGE because I'm constantly in contact with people. Every time I hear some one, even if I'm in my room. Every time I hear H in her room, D in his, and B outside, coughing while getting a smoke. Usually the drain is slight, but it effects the recharge time.
Thus, there are days where NO PEOPLE ALLOWED. I wear my headphones, and GO AWAY EVERYONE!!!
It really doesn't help that B has a hard time following my privacy instructions outside my door. I've talked to him several times, I've talked to our case worker about it. Our case worker has offered to sit in and help talk with him about it. I could also try making a new sign outside my door with colours.... and maybe the social interaction badge system...
But really, I'm tired of feeling responsible for things in the house. For house fund, for cleaning up around the house, for sorting the recycling, for printing out signs, recycling schedules, for everyone and this house in general. I'm tired of other people's messes, of dishes that aren't always washed right, for my dishes that get put away with the general dishes, of sharing half a fridge and only having a cupboard. I'm tired of SHARING, of only having my own room to call mine, of constantly dealing with other people whom I didn't even choice to live with. Yeah, finally they aren't too bad, but it's not like when I was living with my friends, when we chipped in together and sharing food and taking care of each other.... and joked about our neighbours across the street getting arrested.
One of the solutions is to stop doing so much. Stop printing things, stop sorting things. Problem is, sometimes the recycling people won't pick up an entire box of stuff if there's one misplaced item on top (never mind it could have been some jerk walking past), and with the room that we have, we just can't do that. And if I let our case worker print out and bring over things... well... then we have to wait until she has time to come over, and if she forgets..... then H messes up her schedule and we're back to the above.
I could let some one else do house fund. I've offered it up at house meetings. But no one seems to want to do it. So I'm stuck with it. Apparently, I'm the most responsible person in the house. Other than H, the rest of the people are boys who want to sit in their rooms, drinking, eating, watching TV and playing video games. T will be moving out and into a bachelors in June. I don't even want to know whether I'm ready for new housemate drama. That's another thing I'm tired about. Worrying about new housemates and how they're going to fit in, and all the drama that happens.
Sigh. Gotta do something.
Since waking up, getting this news, and trying to type this, I've been poking around my room, taking out the recycling, staring into space and weeping. I do think the time of year is playing a part in this. April 1st deciding to hit a few days later and using this as a trigger. So I've been letting myself have a good cry. And I ran out to get printer ink ($109!!!!!) since payday and gst came through. Thinking of running out to go grab more comics.
Who knows? Maybe next week there'll be an opening in one of the subsidized housing spots and I'm at the top of the list (ha!)
Now, I have a huge stack of comics that needs reading and it's been a rainy day. To curl up with comics, or go play Rift?
UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I emailed back saying that I was worried that if we wait, all the good apartments will be gone. And that I had done research and already sorted, checked out bus routes, the neighbourhoods, etc. All that's needed is to look inside. I also mentioned that while last year I wasn't ready to move (and didn't really want to hear anymore of her guilt tripping, cause she was trying), I was really ready NOW, especially with housemates that drink too much and pass out in the front entrance (this would be the newest housemate, D).
TODAY I got an email from Mom saying that she's not signing a lease unless Dad's there, that they really do not have the money for this, that I'm bullying them for money, that the car needs fixing/is unfixable and apparently it's all my fault. Everyone is feeling sick, and apparently, it's all my fault. Well, not all of it, just most of it.
And of course, this is on top of my Mom's medical issues (she hurt her knee, and the doctors have NO CLUE what's wrong, so she's on codeine, and on top of her OTHER medical issues, all the doctors are telling her to take medical leave and shit) so Mom Just Can't Cope.
So she's pulling the plug, because she won't pay money for me to "party". "If it's so bad where you are", she says, "then take more shifts at work."
Right. On ODSP, where they clawback 50% of your earnings. While going to school. While AUTISTIC, in a workplace that can and has been medically hazardous to me. That for every shift, I immediately fall apart and SLEEP for a spell, unable to take care of myself. But yes, let's forget all of this and take more shifts, just to get an apartment. Let's totally throw away all my happiness, free time, social life, ability to self care, nevermind everything I've ever worked for in autism rights, etc, just for that apartment.
Fuck that shit.
My mother clearly has NO understanding of how delicate a system my self care is; that just LIVING WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE COUNTS AS SOCIAL INTERACTION. Thus, the late bedtimes. Every time B knocks on my door, it disrupts my recharge, and as it is, I AM CONSTANTLY IN A STATE OF RECHARGE because I'm constantly in contact with people. Every time I hear some one, even if I'm in my room. Every time I hear H in her room, D in his, and B outside, coughing while getting a smoke. Usually the drain is slight, but it effects the recharge time.
Thus, there are days where NO PEOPLE ALLOWED. I wear my headphones, and GO AWAY EVERYONE!!!
It really doesn't help that B has a hard time following my privacy instructions outside my door. I've talked to him several times, I've talked to our case worker about it. Our case worker has offered to sit in and help talk with him about it. I could also try making a new sign outside my door with colours.... and maybe the social interaction badge system...
But really, I'm tired of feeling responsible for things in the house. For house fund, for cleaning up around the house, for sorting the recycling, for printing out signs, recycling schedules, for everyone and this house in general. I'm tired of other people's messes, of dishes that aren't always washed right, for my dishes that get put away with the general dishes, of sharing half a fridge and only having a cupboard. I'm tired of SHARING, of only having my own room to call mine, of constantly dealing with other people whom I didn't even choice to live with. Yeah, finally they aren't too bad, but it's not like when I was living with my friends, when we chipped in together and sharing food and taking care of each other.... and joked about our neighbours across the street getting arrested.
One of the solutions is to stop doing so much. Stop printing things, stop sorting things. Problem is, sometimes the recycling people won't pick up an entire box of stuff if there's one misplaced item on top (never mind it could have been some jerk walking past), and with the room that we have, we just can't do that. And if I let our case worker print out and bring over things... well... then we have to wait until she has time to come over, and if she forgets..... then H messes up her schedule and we're back to the above.
I could let some one else do house fund. I've offered it up at house meetings. But no one seems to want to do it. So I'm stuck with it. Apparently, I'm the most responsible person in the house. Other than H, the rest of the people are boys who want to sit in their rooms, drinking, eating, watching TV and playing video games. T will be moving out and into a bachelors in June. I don't even want to know whether I'm ready for new housemate drama. That's another thing I'm tired about. Worrying about new housemates and how they're going to fit in, and all the drama that happens.
Sigh. Gotta do something.
Since waking up, getting this news, and trying to type this, I've been poking around my room, taking out the recycling, staring into space and weeping. I do think the time of year is playing a part in this. April 1st deciding to hit a few days later and using this as a trigger. So I've been letting myself have a good cry. And I ran out to get printer ink ($109!!!!!) since payday and gst came through. Thinking of running out to go grab more comics.
Who knows? Maybe next week there'll be an opening in one of the subsidized housing spots and I'm at the top of the list (ha!)
Now, I have a huge stack of comics that needs reading and it's been a rainy day. To curl up with comics, or go play Rift?