Why can't I ever do anything right?
This is the worst week I ever remember having, and that includes two weeks straight of constipation.
Thank Goddess for Aurora, who is the only reason I'm able to do something other than sit here and sob right now.
Started out without my having done all my homework for the beginning of the week. Well, this is pretty typical, but 300 pages of reading, plus research, plus 3 pages of writing behind IS unusual. And that's how far behind I was when I got to class Monday morning. Oh yeah, and I hadn't studied for Monday's Japanese test or Tuesday's psychology midterm.
I stayed up most of the night Sunday, trying to read up on psycholinguistics and writing. I gave up doing research or writing, and just threw together half a page of outline. Luckily the Dr. W didn't notice my lack of preparation for either class (he teaches both psycholinguistics and writing on the same day and I'm in both classes with the man).
Stayed up almost all Monday night studying for my psych exam (especially since I missed a class and a half the week before because I was sick and overslept by 5 hours) and doing my physics homework, went to class at 10:30, did a less than stellar job on the psych exam, fell asleep in physics (thankfully during a movie, so Phat didn't notice, but still I may need it on the next exam.... >.<), went back to my room and tried to work on all that homework for my MW classes that I hadn't finished....and read all of 50 pages or so, despite staying up almost all night, AGAIN. No research done, nothing more written.
Wednesday night brought dance class again, and the new part of the dance has around 5 pirouettes to lunges and back up. Now, I have WEAK legs. I know I don't look it, but what with my knees....I'm really really really sore. And that wore me out, so even though I only had to read one chapter for psychology the next day, I was up until 4 trying to read it. Well...sort of. I fell asleep on my textbook at one point and woke up after Aurora had gone to sleep (sorry about that, love....), then decided to sleep for a few hours and finish it in the morning. Managed to press the snooze button for two hours, didn't get to wash my hair like I wanted to, crammed in the rest of the reading and pulled SOMETHING out of it to use for my Reconnaissance Log, and showed up almost on time to class.
After not getting anything done in physics (but its being decided that I have lots and lots and LOTS of researching to do), I went to go meet with my psych professor. We talked about my various topics a bit, and then she decided that since her class wasn't challenging enough for me that she would give me extra work to do to challenge myself. (Now, her class IS too easy, and I'm learning very little from it except for the names and specific experiments that have been done, because I've thought through all these things and come to most of the same conclusions that researchers have about various psychological things, but really. I'm in two classes with Dr. W. I don't sleep at night. Now she's assigning me MORE WORK. :BAKJDNAKLDNAILUNAFENL!!!!!!!)
So basically I'm supposed to do outside research on the psychology of dreams and reincarnation and other possible explanations for my speaking (apparently coherently) in other languages in my sleep. My personal opinion is that my brains are amazing and call forth all these rules and words that I don't remember when awake and put them into my dreams. As for the Gaelic, it was likely song lyrics mixed with the few words that I've been exposed to elsewhere, though I don't know how I would put it together. All I know is that I called somebody a shithead and was talking about fire and mice and dragonflies. The thing is, some of that actually made sense to the surroundings (what with the Cretin at camp and all the dragonflies during capture the flag), but I don't know how I would have actually put anything together, because I doubt that some of those words are used much in songs (shithead? Really.), and I don't know how I would have put things together without any knowledge of the grammar and such. So it would have to be either gibberish/random words in Gaelic strung together, or else memory from a past life or something. While I have Irish heritage, and am quite willing to believe in reincarnation and such, I'm also a skeptic. How would reincarnation be expressed neurologically? How could it be a factor in the creation of my personality and such if it has no physical manifestation (i.e. in the brain)?
Now I have to research all of this, and write up a page or two for each class on it. There's only been one respectable researcher in this area, I think, and even then people tend to scoff at him, and he didn't talk about dreams so much that I know about. WTF.
So then the worst part of my week:
It started out happily enough - Aurora and Miep started an RP, and I decided to try joining - I miss RPing with my friends. The thing is, the other PC characters are interesting, and completely abnormal. Green-haired masochistic pyro, split-personality disorder, that sort of thing. So I had to come up with an interesting character, too, but one that I could still play.
I asked Ichigo for help, since she's constantly RPing and I'm not at all creative. She did help some, but then persisted in calling my character a Mary Sue. And while I KNOW my character still isn't that interesting, or very different from myself, she overdid it a bit. And I overreacted, too, as time went on, so I know I'm not to blame, but by the end of our conversation at dinner on Thursday, she thought I was mad at her. I wasn't, just frustrated, because I don't take criticism very well, especially when I already know what's wrong with something I've done.
Ichigo and I have been friends basically since we got to Soka, because we have mutual friends, and because we have some similar interests. Since that time, we've spent basically ALL of our time together. If we're not in our rooms or in our TTh afternoon class, we're together (yes, all the rest of our classes are together). I have a few clubs that I'm in, but other than that, if people see her and I'm not with her, they ask where she is. (Probably because I'm out and about more than she, and because I'm in more clubs and so people actually see me by myself.)
I don't think that this is very healthy, particularly because we don't actually get along that well. She talks about DN all the time, and I talk about Aurora and Citrus! all the time. Neither of us cares all that much about the others' favorite topics, but everything we talk about seems to turn to one or the other somehow. That and I make her go eat and things like that because she seems like she would forget half the time otherwise.
I don't know how she feels about me (probably the same way), but I'm tired of being around her all the time. I feel horrible for saying it, but I don't actually care much for her company. We have few interests in common, and things just...aren't very healthy.
So I sent her an email last night suggesting that we take a break from each other. Now neither of us really has any friends here that we spend time with whatsoever. I'll be alright, since I do have SOME friends, and almost all of you wonderful online friends are people whom I actually know and love. I'm worried about her, though, since I was her ONLY friend here (that she spent any time with). Her online friends have all sorts of drama in their RP communities and such, and I know those stress her out. I don't know that she'll remember to go to meals all the time, I know she probably won't get a lick of exercise, and I generally feel like a bitch.
Yet I don't know what else I could have done. I tried to help her find other friends, to take the initiative in spending time with them, but she never seemed to care.... I have a conscience that will never leave me alone, but the social skills of a gnat and I'm never actually very nice to people. I wish the two would just reconcile themselves already. I HATE myself for how I act to other people.
EDIT: Thanks Nil, cut accomplished.
Thank Goddess for Aurora, who is the only reason I'm able to do something other than sit here and sob right now.
Started out without my having done all my homework for the beginning of the week. Well, this is pretty typical, but 300 pages of reading, plus research, plus 3 pages of writing behind IS unusual. And that's how far behind I was when I got to class Monday morning. Oh yeah, and I hadn't studied for Monday's Japanese test or Tuesday's psychology midterm.
I stayed up most of the night Sunday, trying to read up on psycholinguistics and writing. I gave up doing research or writing, and just threw together half a page of outline. Luckily the Dr. W didn't notice my lack of preparation for either class (he teaches both psycholinguistics and writing on the same day and I'm in both classes with the man).
Stayed up almost all Monday night studying for my psych exam (especially since I missed a class and a half the week before because I was sick and overslept by 5 hours) and doing my physics homework, went to class at 10:30, did a less than stellar job on the psych exam, fell asleep in physics (thankfully during a movie, so Phat didn't notice, but still I may need it on the next exam.... >.<), went back to my room and tried to work on all that homework for my MW classes that I hadn't finished....and read all of 50 pages or so, despite staying up almost all night, AGAIN. No research done, nothing more written.
Wednesday night brought dance class again, and the new part of the dance has around 5 pirouettes to lunges and back up. Now, I have WEAK legs. I know I don't look it, but what with my knees....I'm really really really sore. And that wore me out, so even though I only had to read one chapter for psychology the next day, I was up until 4 trying to read it. Well...sort of. I fell asleep on my textbook at one point and woke up after Aurora had gone to sleep (sorry about that, love....), then decided to sleep for a few hours and finish it in the morning. Managed to press the snooze button for two hours, didn't get to wash my hair like I wanted to, crammed in the rest of the reading and pulled SOMETHING out of it to use for my Reconnaissance Log, and showed up almost on time to class.
After not getting anything done in physics (but its being decided that I have lots and lots and LOTS of researching to do), I went to go meet with my psych professor. We talked about my various topics a bit, and then she decided that since her class wasn't challenging enough for me that she would give me extra work to do to challenge myself. (Now, her class IS too easy, and I'm learning very little from it except for the names and specific experiments that have been done, because I've thought through all these things and come to most of the same conclusions that researchers have about various psychological things, but really. I'm in two classes with Dr. W. I don't sleep at night. Now she's assigning me MORE WORK. :BAKJDNAKLDNAILUNAFENL!!!!!!!)
So basically I'm supposed to do outside research on the psychology of dreams and reincarnation and other possible explanations for my speaking (apparently coherently) in other languages in my sleep. My personal opinion is that my brains are amazing and call forth all these rules and words that I don't remember when awake and put them into my dreams. As for the Gaelic, it was likely song lyrics mixed with the few words that I've been exposed to elsewhere, though I don't know how I would put it together. All I know is that I called somebody a shithead and was talking about fire and mice and dragonflies. The thing is, some of that actually made sense to the surroundings (what with the Cretin at camp and all the dragonflies during capture the flag), but I don't know how I would have actually put anything together, because I doubt that some of those words are used much in songs (shithead? Really.), and I don't know how I would have put things together without any knowledge of the grammar and such. So it would have to be either gibberish/random words in Gaelic strung together, or else memory from a past life or something. While I have Irish heritage, and am quite willing to believe in reincarnation and such, I'm also a skeptic. How would reincarnation be expressed neurologically? How could it be a factor in the creation of my personality and such if it has no physical manifestation (i.e. in the brain)?
Now I have to research all of this, and write up a page or two for each class on it. There's only been one respectable researcher in this area, I think, and even then people tend to scoff at him, and he didn't talk about dreams so much that I know about. WTF.
So then the worst part of my week:
It started out happily enough - Aurora and Miep started an RP, and I decided to try joining - I miss RPing with my friends. The thing is, the other PC characters are interesting, and completely abnormal. Green-haired masochistic pyro, split-personality disorder, that sort of thing. So I had to come up with an interesting character, too, but one that I could still play.
I asked Ichigo for help, since she's constantly RPing and I'm not at all creative. She did help some, but then persisted in calling my character a Mary Sue. And while I KNOW my character still isn't that interesting, or very different from myself, she overdid it a bit. And I overreacted, too, as time went on, so I know I'm not to blame, but by the end of our conversation at dinner on Thursday, she thought I was mad at her. I wasn't, just frustrated, because I don't take criticism very well, especially when I already know what's wrong with something I've done.
Ichigo and I have been friends basically since we got to Soka, because we have mutual friends, and because we have some similar interests. Since that time, we've spent basically ALL of our time together. If we're not in our rooms or in our TTh afternoon class, we're together (yes, all the rest of our classes are together). I have a few clubs that I'm in, but other than that, if people see her and I'm not with her, they ask where she is. (Probably because I'm out and about more than she, and because I'm in more clubs and so people actually see me by myself.)
I don't think that this is very healthy, particularly because we don't actually get along that well. She talks about DN all the time, and I talk about Aurora and Citrus! all the time. Neither of us cares all that much about the others' favorite topics, but everything we talk about seems to turn to one or the other somehow. That and I make her go eat and things like that because she seems like she would forget half the time otherwise.
I don't know how she feels about me (probably the same way), but I'm tired of being around her all the time. I feel horrible for saying it, but I don't actually care much for her company. We have few interests in common, and things just...aren't very healthy.
So I sent her an email last night suggesting that we take a break from each other. Now neither of us really has any friends here that we spend time with whatsoever. I'll be alright, since I do have SOME friends, and almost all of you wonderful online friends are people whom I actually know and love. I'm worried about her, though, since I was her ONLY friend here (that she spent any time with). Her online friends have all sorts of drama in their RP communities and such, and I know those stress her out. I don't know that she'll remember to go to meals all the time, I know she probably won't get a lick of exercise, and I generally feel like a bitch.
Yet I don't know what else I could have done. I tried to help her find other friends, to take the initiative in spending time with them, but she never seemed to care.... I have a conscience that will never leave me alone, but the social skills of a gnat and I'm never actually very nice to people. I wish the two would just reconcile themselves already. I HATE myself for how I act to other people.
EDIT: Thanks Nil, cut accomplished.