Comments | nekare: Gen fic: Hold Your Last Breath

nekare

Gen fic: Hold Your Last Breath

Dec 29, 2005 23:38

Title: Hold Your Last Breath
Raiting: R-ish. (for gore?)
Word Count: 1985
Summary: Voldemort has won the war, and he held the Trio captive, tortured, poisoned, broken.
Warnings: Dark, angst, blood.
Author Notes: Written for darkones's challenge: Unhappy Endings, Beta-ed ultra fast by the lovely why_me_why_not, and crossposted to omniocular.

( There’s a leak somewhere on the ceiling, and a drop of oily water with rainbows of forgotten happiness splashes on the hard floor exactly four and a half inches from where Harry’s head rests (he’s counted)... )

dark, gen, hr/r, fic, angst, hp

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moonix December 30 2005, 12:31:11 UTC

*whimpers quietly* I have to breathe first... uhnn... hell... I wanted to cry... It's darkbeautifulACHINGlysadHOPELESSlyevocativesosoincrediblyincredibleandmorepainfulthanpainitselfisohwoah.

Your first line is like a slap across the face.

The words you chose are rhythmic and poetic and dark and absolutely crushing. The pictures. The non-pictures, because everything is dipped in darkness, the feelings.

Those little sequences are heart-wrenching.

Hermione screaming when Ron dies, the baby she'll never see again, Harry's goodbye.

So heavy. Rip you away like a fire storm. And yet so quiet, so intense.

Really, I am deeply impressed by this - yes, revolted and moved, but that comes naturally and was probably the intention. I say Damn Good Job and I mean it.

nekare December 30 2005, 19:45:47 UTC

*blushes* Oh, lord I just adore your comments :)

You won't believe the amount of first lines I tried, and then that one just clicked, and it just hurt my very sould, as it's the first time I've ever killed a character. *smooches Ron*

And yes, revoltion, just what I was aiming for. Actually, your entire comment sums up just what I wanted this to be, so I'm so, so very pleased it came up that way.

And now I'm off to read your latest story, since I didn't have time yesterday!

moonix December 31 2005, 09:32:42 UTC

Ah, I know what you mean with the first-line-that-clicked. That's a wonderful experience, isn't it? When you finally feel as though you've got it.

(Ron is sulking, by the way. He's been hiding behind my back for ages and won't come out until he gets a kiss from - what was that, dear? Harry or Hermione? Oh, right, Hermione, of course, yeah, sorry, how could I even think that... haha... *pats*)

nekare December 31 2005, 18:04:03 UTC

Oh, Ron you poor thing. Go on dear, you won't be mauled anymore, I promise. A kiss, you say? Oh, I can arrange that, R/Hr fluff is just what my muse needs this moment, anyway. *pats too*

moonix December 31 2005, 18:12:41 UTC

Ron: Aaaaalriiiight... *slowly crawls out* But only if it's a good kiss. From Hermione. *still afraid that he might get one from harry*

nekare December 31 2005, 18:31:59 UTC

Oh, but Harry/Ron is so hot!

but yeah, Ron/Hermione=OTP

moonix December 31 2005, 18:36:11 UTC

Ron: EEK! (<-- He's in denial. I agree with you, though.)

moonix December 31 2005, 18:36:46 UTC

Maybe we can really go for a threesome... That way, everyone gets what they (secretly) want... And there's no splitting up the trio.

nekare January 1 2006, 01:27:13 UTC

Oh, the idea sounds interesting...

and I admit it. I'm guily of reading some threesome porn some time ago (Harry/Hermione squicks me, though.), and well, it was hot.

moonix January 1 2006, 14:23:44 UTC

*GRINS BROADLY*

See. Gotcha.

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