Who am I ?
That's the question, we need to ask once or twice in our lifetime.
To me it feels like I have asked the same thing my whole life.
And I still havent found the right answer.
I registered myself in few dating sites, in hope of finally getting a boyfriend. Well I'm soon 22 and I still havent been in any relationships and frankly, I'm getting bored at this fact. And maybe angry to uncapable me. But even this little try to find eternal love failed miserably, like all my tries.
It all comes down to question above.
"Describe yourself to your possible match" What to tell exactly? That I'm independet,cat and peace loving person with addiction to Jpop idols? I'm well aware the fact I'm freak. My both sisters keep reminding me about that.
"No one is freak enough for you" or "He has that certain freak aura, go talk to him"
I wish it would be that easy for me to go talk to them. I have been shy all my life. If I knew the right words, I would been taken already. My friends say I need to be more spontanius. Just stop thinking and over analyze everything. Even the events that haven't been happened yet.
I know that but that's just who I am.
Or is it? Is it possibly to change the facts about ourself and just go with the wind?
I know myself, better than anyone. Still everyday people judge me, try to change me to fit to their patterns. Am I wrong kind of person? I know what I like and dislike. I know my past, and plan the future. I know how I feel inside and show it to outside. I know I'm a freak of nature. Shy,loving, peaceful, addicted, sometimes negative person,
who know what makes her world go around.
One thing that will never change about me, even if ever find someone, is my love for Japan and it's idols.
They rock my world and I love them. As crazy as it may sound, I'm sure that my undying love for them
is the reason I'm still sane and living my life in this planet.
They make me smile, they make me cry but that's love, and I'n cool with it.
KAT-TUN celebrated they 6th year together not very long ago. Even as 5 person group, they have done their best of what ever they do. And that's what I wanna do too. Because that's called passion. Maybe that's what I' lacking but I make up for it for my hope of something better. Akanishi is doing his best too, in a world that does not tolerate choices, that they call mistakes. Somehow I understand him. I have come to realise that if you are stuck in a stage where you can't proceed, start over. Reboot and try again. Find your way in a impossible labyrinth called life. Make wrong turn, go back and choose again. As many time as you like. But don't you ever stop, keep going. And make yourself proud of what you did, will do and what you are doing right now. You are the one in charge of your own game. No matter who you are, maybe you don't know the answer either, maybe that's the prize at the end of labyrinth.
Who knows, maybe we don't really have to know.
