(no subject)
So I'm sitting her printing out referance pictures for the marathon of tattooing that I'm about to engage in tommorow. That being Tommy's sleeve, for those of you who don't know my friend Tommy is using his truck to move me up to Seattle, so in return I'm sleeving him out. The problem? I have one day to do it. Fun. The good thing about this though, is that he has insanely small arms. His bicepts are around the size of my wrists, literaly, so I figure a couple of good focal point images and the rest will take care of its self. So the plan for tommorow is, tattoo tommy till he cant sit anymor (I wager 4 hours), then go up to Above All and have Eric re-outline my chest and fill in the black work. Then over to Inkspot and have Anthony finish my neck.
So I'm sitting here printing out my pictures, and I look down at my cat. I've had Sammy since I was about 4 years old. Yeah thats right that makes him a 20 year old cat. I look at him and I pick him up and I realize that I may never see him again. THis animal that has been a part of my life since I can remember. THen I thin kabout everything else in my life, my dad, my friends. I still havent told my mom. I think I just might have to go over there. I havent really spoken to my mother in more than a year, its hard to explain. Its one thing to not talk to your mother, when you can go see her anytime, because she lives right up the hill from you in the next city. Its another to move two states. I just don't know how to tell her. I havent seen her in...I don't even remember the last time I saw her, god I think it was october, was it two years ago october. Yeah. God two years.
My dad asked me if he had been a good father to me. I'm going to miss him so much.
Part of me is screaming at myself. Do I want to risk leaving my frineds and family behind? WHat if my dad dies while I'm gone. What if I never see him again. Is she worth that? Am I being selfish in moving up there?
But then again, I need to go somewhere new. And I love Steph, and as hard as it is for me to believe sometmes that anyone loves me like that, she genuinely seems to. Despite my paranioa and insecurity about everything, I have to trust in that.
Deana, I'm going to miss you alot. Saturday night I'm free. Please try to hang out with me before I go. There are people who I'm not close with anymore that I'm going to miss, and part of me wants to say goodbye, but I feel like I don't have the right to stop bye and tell them goodbye. If I never took the time to say hello to them, what right do I have seening them finally just to say goodbye? I feel that way with my mom.
I have dear and true friends here, maybe thats the best thing that having to leave has taught me.
So I'm sitting here printing out my pictures, and I look down at my cat. I've had Sammy since I was about 4 years old. Yeah thats right that makes him a 20 year old cat. I look at him and I pick him up and I realize that I may never see him again. THis animal that has been a part of my life since I can remember. THen I thin kabout everything else in my life, my dad, my friends. I still havent told my mom. I think I just might have to go over there. I havent really spoken to my mother in more than a year, its hard to explain. Its one thing to not talk to your mother, when you can go see her anytime, because she lives right up the hill from you in the next city. Its another to move two states. I just don't know how to tell her. I havent seen her in...I don't even remember the last time I saw her, god I think it was october, was it two years ago october. Yeah. God two years.
My dad asked me if he had been a good father to me. I'm going to miss him so much.
Part of me is screaming at myself. Do I want to risk leaving my frineds and family behind? WHat if my dad dies while I'm gone. What if I never see him again. Is she worth that? Am I being selfish in moving up there?
But then again, I need to go somewhere new. And I love Steph, and as hard as it is for me to believe sometmes that anyone loves me like that, she genuinely seems to. Despite my paranioa and insecurity about everything, I have to trust in that.
Deana, I'm going to miss you alot. Saturday night I'm free. Please try to hang out with me before I go. There are people who I'm not close with anymore that I'm going to miss, and part of me wants to say goodbye, but I feel like I don't have the right to stop bye and tell them goodbye. If I never took the time to say hello to them, what right do I have seening them finally just to say goodbye? I feel that way with my mom.
I have dear and true friends here, maybe thats the best thing that having to leave has taught me.