an open letter from my brain...
I think it’s true that most people struggle with identity their whole life. I’d like to write another mindless paper praising kindness, compassion, selflessness, and other positive traits, the world isn’t like this. Throughout my life, I’ve had trouble wording some of my thoughts. Perhaps it’s because they are innate and no word can describe my “thoughts.” I can’t quite seem to take any side of an argument. Life has a balance. The indicator of this is the quintessential balance; life and death. A negative and a positive to cancel each other out- Which of those is negative and which is positive is a question for another day. Society needs its zealots, as it needs staunch conservatives to swing the pendulum back. I however, cannot seem decide which side of the fence I’m on. Every argument, I hear both sides. However, life seems to have a sense of humor- there is hardly ever a “right” choice. In fact, many scenarios all bad choices, and we are forced to choose the “best of the worst.” For instance, abortion; Perhaps the most controversial ethical debate of today. A seventeen year old girl is pregnant out of wedlock. To have the child would almost certainly destroy her, and the child’s life. To abort the fetus would mean the child doesn’t even get the chance to try. Is there a right answer? Probably not. Do humans have the authority to make that decision? No. Does God know the answer? Probably not. The culmination of this makes for a pessimistic output of the world. Are we doomed from birth? Are we doomed preconception? If the human mind is as sentient as we think, then it has done a remarkable job of ignoring inherent moral dilemmas, as well as creating convenient excuses to ignore them. I would love to say that I am a good person. Firstly, what does that even mean, “Good person?” We’ve defined what makes someone good and bad, and have come to a general consensus of it. If everyone agrees that something is “wrong,” than we must have an innate programming or instinct about us that we have little to no control over; Which is also a concept for another time. However, I would contend that the majority of our decisions are made by our perception of others and their judgment. I will admit to opening my car door and leaving my finished soda bottle on the floor of a parking lot while no one was near, instead of dropping it off in the trash can when I went home. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t know. I do know that chances are I wouldn’t have done that if someone was with me. I don’t however, feel bad for leaving that soda there, but I do feel bad that I don’t feel bad about it. Does that make sense? I think so. Aha! That’s it then- maybe. Maybe humans are conditioned by this intangible entity called society. Maybe no one repents for the crime; They all repent because they do not lament over it. This also may correlate with the desire to be normal. I may be programmed to know that if I litter, then I am a bad person, and not normal. I am thus upset that lack the remorse I am supposed to feel, and I am not normal. Many people claim to be high and moral, and I ask them, are you moral, or do you like to be known as moral? That is naked immorality. The worst kind. An open letter to the republican senator who appears and wants to appear to hold his morals so high: Please do explain your support of the gay marriage ban, and your support of touching young male interns. It intrigues me. Perhaps humans want to believe that they are better than animals. By setting ourselves apart with our rules, we appear to have a higher society, but is it really much better? I’ve seen love and hate from the same person. The same person can be a sinner and a saint. That balances out, right? He killed a man, but also saved a drowning one, that’s okay, right? Oh, he has to go to jail for the first, what of the second? Oh!, a nice article in the newspaper, well, of course that’s fine. Oh wait, how silly of me, I forgot he will be rewarded in heaven- ha. Maybe though, that’s what separates us from animals. We want to make the distinction. Notice I said separates, not makes us better. I suppose we can question. We can question choices and choice seems to be a recurring theme of evidence in humanity. We are supposed to have a choice in the matters we do. As I learn more and more, I wonder, how much choice does somebody really have in the matter. As an extreme example, someone may choose to kill themselves, but if prescribed the right medicine, they will choose not to. Who made the choice, the person or the medicine? I suppose the person might have made the choice to go on the medicine. That’s a possibility. Did I really choose to go to York College, or have a number of factors in m life predetermined my “choice” long before it happened. Perhaps choice is an illusion we use to make us feel like we’re in control, and deep down no one really believes it. Or maybe not. I haven’t chosen which to believe yet. Haha. But with medicine to control our brains, how we think and function, we seems to be losing control over our choices every second. Maybe though, it’s that we don’t want to be blamed for our choices we perceive as negative. We can blame our bad choices on a chemical imbalance and use medicine as a crutch. Maybe we do, maybe not. See, there’s me, walking the line again. Not really ready to commit to either side, maybe it’s because there are compelling arguments for both, or maybe it’s because I don’t want to choose one. I would like to believe it’s a blend. A gray matter. Part our choice, part the brain. Life part morals, part choices. I would like to say I’m a good person. But I think I take more pride that I can say I’m doing the best job that I can. Of course, one may say I have overlooked the epitome of moral and self debates, religion. I was raised Christian and I lost my faith before I knew I was supposed to have it. I just realized how much longer this would be if I went on about religion, so I’m going to stop. I think I’m an atheist. But that’s bleak. Agnosticism would be nice, but think I would be lying to myself. I’ll say I’m an optimistic atheist. Regardless, whatever this is, it’s over. I think the best thing I got out of this were the lines “I would like to say I’m a good person. But I think I take more pride that I can say I’m doing the best job that I can.”