... don't you get your hopes up...
So Father's day is here, and that in the minds of the service industry means it is a day from hell, and for me, it is the same on a personal level. People celebrating their love from their father, but for me it is not so sweet. The melancholy feeling of growing up without a father is something that is very hard to explain, and the impact it has left on me growing up is even more difficult to put into words.
You see, my father was thrown out of my house when I was in 10th grade, after a lifetime of abuse for me. This is how my life was, and for my mom to gather the strength to finally get him out of our lives was probably even more difficult than the pain she had experience.
Now I live with the problems that this has created for me. I am forever plagued with the goal of being nothing like him. I strive every day to live my life with no memories of what my life was like. I work hard and try to make something of my self. I have pride in everything that I do. I have pride in work and life. Everything he didn't have. I am nothing like him, and I am grateful for that. I am a loving boyfriend, a loyal friend, and a great son and brother. At least I am told this by them.
The one problem that I do encounter is that I am too protective, too cautious, and too inhibited. I am introverted beyond recognition, and my reservations outweigh my outwardness. This causes problems almost everyday, but in all honesty, I live with it, and deal with it, and am becoming a better person because of it.
Many people in my life, past and present, have asked why I don't go to counselling for my problems, and I reply simply, "I feel more accomplishment dealing with my problems on my own. If I deal with them incorrectly then I will fall on my face, but I will learn. I just hope I don't hurt anyone in the process." It is a bit stubborn and selfish, but in all honestly, I don't believe in therapy. I like to figure things out for myself, and talk about things on my own terms. Its how I feel, and well, thats what I do.
So I guess as I am serving apparently happy families their dinners tomorrow, I will put out of my mind that my life was never like that, and I don't care because I think I turned out better because of a few hardships I faced back in the past.
You see, my father was thrown out of my house when I was in 10th grade, after a lifetime of abuse for me. This is how my life was, and for my mom to gather the strength to finally get him out of our lives was probably even more difficult than the pain she had experience.
Now I live with the problems that this has created for me. I am forever plagued with the goal of being nothing like him. I strive every day to live my life with no memories of what my life was like. I work hard and try to make something of my self. I have pride in everything that I do. I have pride in work and life. Everything he didn't have. I am nothing like him, and I am grateful for that. I am a loving boyfriend, a loyal friend, and a great son and brother. At least I am told this by them.
The one problem that I do encounter is that I am too protective, too cautious, and too inhibited. I am introverted beyond recognition, and my reservations outweigh my outwardness. This causes problems almost everyday, but in all honesty, I live with it, and deal with it, and am becoming a better person because of it.
Many people in my life, past and present, have asked why I don't go to counselling for my problems, and I reply simply, "I feel more accomplishment dealing with my problems on my own. If I deal with them incorrectly then I will fall on my face, but I will learn. I just hope I don't hurt anyone in the process." It is a bit stubborn and selfish, but in all honestly, I don't believe in therapy. I like to figure things out for myself, and talk about things on my own terms. Its how I feel, and well, thats what I do.
So I guess as I am serving apparently happy families their dinners tomorrow, I will put out of my mind that my life was never like that, and I don't care because I think I turned out better because of a few hardships I faced back in the past.