SGA Drabble: Rodney's VD Rant (G)
Title: Rodney's VD Rant
Rating: G
Length: 611
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, not for profit, blah blah blah copywrite cakes.
Summary: Who would be so cruel as to send Rodney an anonymous Valentine?
Author's Note: Was walking through the store and passed all the VD crap (yeah, this fugly single gal hates that day with a passion) and suddenly Rodney's voice was ranting in my head....
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“Roses are red, violets are, are, are….” Rodney’s voice trailed off into a splutter and he nearly crushed the bright pink Valentine he was holding. The heart shaped sucker attached to it fell off and plunked onto last few crumbs of his cheesy Spam bake. “They are so not blue!” he finally managed to get out. “Violets are purple. Or lavender. Or pink. Or, or, or white with purple edges. Not blue!”
“Gee, for an astrophysicist, you know an awful lot about flowers,” John said out of the corner of his mouth.
“Nana had them all over her house,” Rodney snapped back. “And that’s not the point. From a scientific standpoint this is completely inaccurate. Now, if they did it for the sake of the rhyme, I can understand because absolutely nothing rhymes with purple. Well, not real words, anyway, and in that case they simply could have reversed it - ‘Violets are purple, roses are red…’.”
“You’re completely crazy and sick in the head,” John muttered. He glanced over at Teyla and had to bite the inside of his cheek - the amused twinkle in her eyes about made him crack.
Rodney just slumped and flashed his crooked scowl. “Oh, har har.” He held up the card and waved it threateningly in John’s direction. “Did you do this?”
“Why would I give you a….” John squinted at the card. “…My Little Pony Valentine? Please - Top Gun or Princess Bride would be more my style. If I did things like that.” He picked up his coffee to hide his smirk as he took a sip.
Rodney thought about it for a moment then nodded spastically. “Yeah, yeah, that’s fitting.” He looked at Teyla. “Do you know anything about this?”
Teyla shook her head. “No, Rodney, I do not. But I think it’s sweet someone sent you a Valentine.”
“An anonymous coward did,” Rodney muttered. Then his gaze rested on Ronon.
Ronon pointed to the sucker. “You gonna eat that?”
“Of course I’m going to eat that!” And to prove it, Rodney picked it up, snapped the wrapper off, and popped it in his mouth. Then he stood and shook his finger at the team. “I will find out who sent this, and when I do, they will pay for this joke. Mark my words. Pay.” He picked up his tray and stomped away.
Now that his back was to his friend, John allowed a huge grin to split his face. “Oh, man - if I’d known it would get this much of a reaction, I’d have done this years ago.”
“You are bad,” Teyla intoned solemnly, but then she smiled as well. “However, I am in fear for your health if he finds out.”
“I’d be more afraid for your hair,” Ronon said through a shit eating grin.
“Yeah, well, I’ll be ionized for a week, so what. Been there, done that, got the hell zapped out of me every time I touched something metal.” John shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“Where did you get it, if I may ask?” Teyla said.
“Keller had them in the infirmary for the Athosian kids - asked if I could have one for the sucker. So glad they weren’t Transformer or Batman ones - the reaction just wouldn’t have been the same.” He picked up his coffee again and grinned into it. Then as he sat his cup back down he ran his free hand over his hair - this was probably the tamest it was going to be for awhile.
Carson joined them at that moment, and as he sat he had the most bewildered expression on his face. “I just ran into Rodney in the hall. Why is he ranting about flowers?”
John barked out a laugh. “Oh, yeah - I’m toast.”