The Insanity That Is Breaking Dawn
I have to say though, that this has been the most fun weekend at home I've had for as long as I can remember. Just cooped up in my room with my newly-installed reading lights, breezing through Breaking Dawn's three predecessors, accompanied by my BlackBerry for real-time mass spazz sessions at 3 AM with nenekguru and totoro79 without having to be glued in front of my computer. (And I am truly, TRULY sorry for shoving the image of ADE RAI into your heads BWAHAHA >=D)
There's been quite a lot of criticism regarding Stephenie Meyer's writing abilities (in which I agree to a certain level), but I can't deny that I really had fun reading the Twilight saga, so I don't really care anymore if she writes like a bad fanfiction author, or if she writes a lot of cliches. That's how much I adore Twilight up to the 3rd book. But Breaking Dawn is just simply... insane. That's really the only word I could think of. I'm only halfway through right now, and even though that first half got me rolling in fits of laughter at almost every single page, I have to sadly say that Breaking Dawn feels exactly like Batman & Robin (the movie). A 4th installment that had spun wildly out of control, and yet despite it's so insanely ridiculous, you keep watching (or in this case, reading) anyway because you're already such a huge fan of the franchise (in this case, I'm just already so emotionally attached to Edward, Bella & Jacob)
I don't know what happened to Stephenie Meyer's frame of mind while writing this 4th installment. While humor was also present in the three preceding books, but it's nothing compared to the level of humor in Breaking Dawn. I think almost every page has at least 1 funny line inserted somewhere, and of course there's Jacob's section where you can just go pages and pages and laugh like hell all the way. It's truly crazy.
I still can't get over the telepathic connection between the werewolves, though. It's an interesting concept, yes, but it's just the way Stephenie Meyer put it into words makes a werewolf sound like... well, a more reliable substitute to a cellphone, really. Apparently instant communication can remain crystal clear (and with NO LAG whatsoever) even from across a 300-mile distance. And apparently the werewolves have tested just exactly HOW FAR they can go and still be able to hear one another. And that's not even the telepathic chatter yet. Reading through the "mind conversation" in a pack of werewolves really looked like a BlackBerry Chat window! IT CRACKED ME UP! And doesn't help any better than most of the wolves are young boys who seemingly have an aspiration to be the next Chandler Bing! My favorite werewolf next to Jacob is Seth Clearwater. The boy is just adorable.
The most WTF part is that more than half the book pretty much revolves on Bella's WTF pregnancy! First of all, this is just downright illogical WRONG and I'm disappointed that Stephenie Meyer's otherwise nearly-perfect portrayal of my favorite dark mythical creatures have been completely destroyed to ashes thanks to this one MAJORLY FATAL FLAW that allows them to procreate. From the pregnancy thereon, everyone's character seemed to have been reduced to nothing but an empty shell. The magic is gone. Bella is suddenly this manic girl who had lost all grasp on logic and common sense that she would DIE to protect her evil monster/creature spawn baby-whatever that is. Edward became this helpless lifeless thing with no particular function but to hold Bella's hand and be the most understanding husband in the world. Rosalie suddenly advanced from a no-role character into this psychotic bodyguard who won't let anyone (not even Carlisle) near Bella for fear they might hurt that evil monster/creature spawn baby-whatever it is. Alice suddenly disappeared into the attic and BARELY made any appearances. Jacob did virtually nothing but run round and around the Cullens' residence like a lapdog, and tossing sarcastic blonde jokes at Rosalie, while being yet again, Bella's space heater... FOR TWO HUNDRED OR SO PAGES. Worst than anything, the whole freak pregnancy turned the whole genre around from romance/drama into some freak show horror/gore/sci-fi! I just can't picture the baby inside Bella as anything remotely cute and cuddly, let alone in a normal baby FORM! In my head the thing has red eyes, pointy ears, shark teeth and Freddy Krueger claws!!!!! I mean, for crying out loud, what do you expect from a baby who, in the womb, is sucking the mother's life force and can only be appeased by HUMAN BLOOD? Seriously.
And even worse than that worst thing I just mentioned above was the fact that:
JACOB FREAKIN' IMPRINTED ON THIS FREAKY EVIL MONSTER SPAWN!!!
I tell you, it was TOO MUCH to take at 3 AM in the morning. I went to sleep restless and uneasy, thanks to the insanely gory details of Bella's labor (ironically, there really is a chapter in Jacob's section titled: "TOO-MUCH-INFORMATION ALERT"), and as if it wasn't already horrible enough, Jacob had to IMPRINT on a newborn evil baby too! (And I was already going WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF when Quil imprinted on a 2 yr old little girl in the previous book) But Jacob's case is just disturbing BEYOND the levels of pedophilia I don't know what to call it. And to think that he is practically going out with Bella? Eugh. Isn't that kinda almost technically incestuous?
...just Jacob's luck I guess. He falls in love with a girl who is in love with his most mortal enemy, the vampire, and now of all the FEMALES in the world he could've IMPRINTED upon, he imprints upon this baby who is half the species of the creature he's supposed to DESTROY. How does that work??? And wouldn't that make Edward his future uh... FATHER-IN-LAW? Oh God, this is all beyond WTF. I don't know if I should really see this whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee Cullen (the baby girl's name) as romantic or deeply disturbing. I was never a big fan of the whole "imprint" concept in the first place.
Maybe I need to finish the book and see how the second half turns out. I heard that the Volturi are coming. This should be interesting.
Despite all the WTF, it's still one of the best laughs I've had in weeks though. I also have A LOT of thoughts about the rest of the books but I just had to get this WTF crap out of my system first XD
P.S.
...Robert Pattinson is really starting to grow on me. He has imprinted himself in my mind as Edward Cullen. No one else can be Edward Cullen now. Thud.
There's been quite a lot of criticism regarding Stephenie Meyer's writing abilities (in which I agree to a certain level), but I can't deny that I really had fun reading the Twilight saga, so I don't really care anymore if she writes like a bad fanfiction author, or if she writes a lot of cliches. That's how much I adore Twilight up to the 3rd book. But Breaking Dawn is just simply... insane. That's really the only word I could think of. I'm only halfway through right now, and even though that first half got me rolling in fits of laughter at almost every single page, I have to sadly say that Breaking Dawn feels exactly like Batman & Robin (the movie). A 4th installment that had spun wildly out of control, and yet despite it's so insanely ridiculous, you keep watching (or in this case, reading) anyway because you're already such a huge fan of the franchise (in this case, I'm just already so emotionally attached to Edward, Bella & Jacob)
I don't know what happened to Stephenie Meyer's frame of mind while writing this 4th installment. While humor was also present in the three preceding books, but it's nothing compared to the level of humor in Breaking Dawn. I think almost every page has at least 1 funny line inserted somewhere, and of course there's Jacob's section where you can just go pages and pages and laugh like hell all the way. It's truly crazy.
I still can't get over the telepathic connection between the werewolves, though. It's an interesting concept, yes, but it's just the way Stephenie Meyer put it into words makes a werewolf sound like... well, a more reliable substitute to a cellphone, really. Apparently instant communication can remain crystal clear (and with NO LAG whatsoever) even from across a 300-mile distance. And apparently the werewolves have tested just exactly HOW FAR they can go and still be able to hear one another. And that's not even the telepathic chatter yet. Reading through the "mind conversation" in a pack of werewolves really looked like a BlackBerry Chat window! IT CRACKED ME UP! And doesn't help any better than most of the wolves are young boys who seemingly have an aspiration to be the next Chandler Bing! My favorite werewolf next to Jacob is Seth Clearwater. The boy is just adorable.
The most WTF part is that more than half the book pretty much revolves on Bella's WTF pregnancy! First of all, this is just downright illogical WRONG and I'm disappointed that Stephenie Meyer's otherwise nearly-perfect portrayal of my favorite dark mythical creatures have been completely destroyed to ashes thanks to this one MAJORLY FATAL FLAW that allows them to procreate. From the pregnancy thereon, everyone's character seemed to have been reduced to nothing but an empty shell. The magic is gone. Bella is suddenly this manic girl who had lost all grasp on logic and common sense that she would DIE to protect her evil monster/creature spawn baby-whatever that is. Edward became this helpless lifeless thing with no particular function but to hold Bella's hand and be the most understanding husband in the world. Rosalie suddenly advanced from a no-role character into this psychotic bodyguard who won't let anyone (not even Carlisle) near Bella for fear they might hurt that evil monster/creature spawn baby-whatever it is. Alice suddenly disappeared into the attic and BARELY made any appearances. Jacob did virtually nothing but run round and around the Cullens' residence like a lapdog, and tossing sarcastic blonde jokes at Rosalie, while being yet again, Bella's space heater... FOR TWO HUNDRED OR SO PAGES. Worst than anything, the whole freak pregnancy turned the whole genre around from romance/drama into some freak show horror/gore/sci-fi! I just can't picture the baby inside Bella as anything remotely cute and cuddly, let alone in a normal baby FORM! In my head the thing has red eyes, pointy ears, shark teeth and Freddy Krueger claws!!!!! I mean, for crying out loud, what do you expect from a baby who, in the womb, is sucking the mother's life force and can only be appeased by HUMAN BLOOD? Seriously.
And even worse than that worst thing I just mentioned above was the fact that:
JACOB FREAKIN' IMPRINTED ON THIS FREAKY EVIL MONSTER SPAWN!!!
I tell you, it was TOO MUCH to take at 3 AM in the morning. I went to sleep restless and uneasy, thanks to the insanely gory details of Bella's labor (ironically, there really is a chapter in Jacob's section titled: "TOO-MUCH-INFORMATION ALERT"), and as if it wasn't already horrible enough, Jacob had to IMPRINT on a newborn evil baby too! (And I was already going WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF when Quil imprinted on a 2 yr old little girl in the previous book) But Jacob's case is just disturbing BEYOND the levels of pedophilia I don't know what to call it. And to think that he is practically going out with Bella? Eugh. Isn't that kinda almost technically incestuous?
...just Jacob's luck I guess. He falls in love with a girl who is in love with his most mortal enemy, the vampire, and now of all the FEMALES in the world he could've IMPRINTED upon, he imprints upon this baby who is half the species of the creature he's supposed to DESTROY. How does that work??? And wouldn't that make Edward his future uh... FATHER-IN-LAW? Oh God, this is all beyond WTF. I don't know if I should really see this whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee Cullen (the baby girl's name) as romantic or deeply disturbing. I was never a big fan of the whole "imprint" concept in the first place.
Maybe I need to finish the book and see how the second half turns out. I heard that the Volturi are coming. This should be interesting.
Despite all the WTF, it's still one of the best laughs I've had in weeks though. I also have A LOT of thoughts about the rest of the books but I just had to get this WTF crap out of my system first XD
P.S.
...Robert Pattinson is really starting to grow on me. He has imprinted himself in my mind as Edward Cullen. No one else can be Edward Cullen now. Thud.