to be...or not to be
i got accepted into Stanford Summer college program in march, and my life has been hell since then. Here i am 5 days before takeoff and i have just finished crying. My math teacher lives in san Francisco and volunteerd his sister to take me to Stanford. She accepted. I was happy TO BE so lucky I hate writing e-mails to strangers and was once again forced to do so. I hate writing emails to people because i know i'm being judged by them. so i have to try NOT TO Be rude. This is a one way road to disaster! I accidentaly wrote her that i would be arriving there at 12:25 am, instead of pm. A third of her reply was dedicated to my fumble with the english language. I then wrote her back, after about two weeks, and basically told her what to expect. I hope she doesn't feel the need to correct me again, i'll die!
I've tried to tell people about my fears about Stanford, and everytime i do, I'm reminded of how much it costs or of how stupid i am. I was actually dumb enough TO BE so sure i could confide in my mother's friend. I told her that the creative writing class was full, and that i was really upset. I told her, admitedly one of my greatest mistakes, that if they hadn't offered creative writng that i wouldn't have applied. Her reply, silence, a hard stare, a puff on her smouldering cigarette, a question "How dare you?" she stood and said it again waving her cigaretter at me as if it were some kind of pointer "How dare you?"
I can't explain how i dare TO BE however i was being, probably just myself, i can tell that no one understands. I try to explain that it's like having a mouth full of crumeling teeth and going to an optician, but that doesn't make any sense either.
My mother went on a rant the other day...she say's i've changed, she doesn't know who i am anymore. why? because i puked in a cab on the way home from prom, and appear to have no remorse. Fuck them all.
My mom insisted that i send the woman a picture, but i have none available. To BE so stupid She took a picture of me, while my dad yelled at me and threatened to throw things at me if i didn't face the camera. We can guess how that picture came out...
My mom then sent me the picture and advised my to send it to her. I kindly refused TO BE humiliated. She was kind enough to remind me that i shouldn't be angry when the woman doesn't come to pick me up at the airport.
To be...or not to be
Or to scream untill it passes
I've tried to tell people about my fears about Stanford, and everytime i do, I'm reminded of how much it costs or of how stupid i am. I was actually dumb enough TO BE so sure i could confide in my mother's friend. I told her that the creative writing class was full, and that i was really upset. I told her, admitedly one of my greatest mistakes, that if they hadn't offered creative writng that i wouldn't have applied. Her reply, silence, a hard stare, a puff on her smouldering cigarette, a question "How dare you?" she stood and said it again waving her cigaretter at me as if it were some kind of pointer "How dare you?"
I can't explain how i dare TO BE however i was being, probably just myself, i can tell that no one understands. I try to explain that it's like having a mouth full of crumeling teeth and going to an optician, but that doesn't make any sense either.
My mother went on a rant the other day...she say's i've changed, she doesn't know who i am anymore. why? because i puked in a cab on the way home from prom, and appear to have no remorse. Fuck them all.
My mom insisted that i send the woman a picture, but i have none available. To BE so stupid She took a picture of me, while my dad yelled at me and threatened to throw things at me if i didn't face the camera. We can guess how that picture came out...
My mom then sent me the picture and advised my to send it to her. I kindly refused TO BE humiliated. She was kind enough to remind me that i shouldn't be angry when the woman doesn't come to pick me up at the airport.
To be...or not to be
Or to scream untill it passes