I was thinking about beginning a blog
And am still swithering about it. Can I write well? will it make sense?, will it be useful? will it open me up to backlash; being told 'that's not my experience of things, so you're wrong
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In terms of the asexuality, you're right. Until fairly recently, I didn't know asexuality was an orientation; I've spent a pretty long time thinking that there was something wrong with me - that I had a sexual disorder, and that to have a relationship, I had to have sex, I had to 'enjoy' sex, and act like I had a sex drive (though to be fair, that expectation hasn't really changed).
When you're told your lack of sexual attraction is a disorder, it becomes a shameful thing, and just like the autism, I felt like I was under a vast amount of pressure to hide my condition. There were a lot of times I think I actually adopted an almost hypersexual behaviour to try and prove to myself and others that there wasn't something wrong with me.
Don't get me wrong, most of the experiences were enjoyable in some way, but generally sex was either a trade in order to get what I actually wanted (tactile affection and physical comfort), or the real enjoyment came out of the way it made my partner feel, not how it made me feel - there is a fairly powerful emotional kick from seeing someone you love blissed out in that post-coital glow, even if you personally found it all a bit squicky, lol.
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