Damn it has been a very very long time.....
Well I think it is time to start up again, lol. I think I was better off when I would keep my thoughts and feeling writen down instead of just floating in my head.... Well since the last time I worte so many things have happened... Well I ended getting a love and then breaking up with him that happened in '05. After that I became a little slut cuz I couldn't make the feelings of hurt and sadness go away... In '06 I left to Denver, Co to seek a better life than what was in El Paso. I ended up getting a job and having a blast! I got a car and was happy! But then it began, lol. I got a new love and he helped me discover what I liked and how to be myself... But then I found out he was going through the court system cuz of charges of molesting a child. I was devastated! We were already making plans to move in together and all that shit. Well I finally got over him and met this Great guy! He made me feel safe and truely loved... I could have seen myself with him 4ever, but then it began again...I got my car impounded by the fucken pigs, so I was left again without a car.... My older sister where I was staying decied to kick me out on the street, so I had to go live my boss and his wife. I thank Gid everyday that they were there 4 me. Well we couldn't really be together cuz off all the things that began to happen... My boss being tired of the job decied to move to Clovis, NM and I decied togo with them cuz I really didn't like Denver that much and wanted to get out of there. So I had to tell him goodbye, which was hard for both of us. And he didn't want to move either and I didn't want to stay so we departed ways.... Again heartbroken....... I ended up moving to Clovis but hated it there cuz it was too small and just too stressed out. So I went back home, a different person well so I thought..... I started again with my whorish ways calling my booty calls again and just getting used for just that. It made me feel special I guess. Then my X came back into my life.... That month was Awesome he was there for me, but at the same time he had changed... He was not the same guy I had fallen in love with a yr ago... So I started to wonder off again, I mean we weren't a official couple again cuz he was going into the army. He left and again I felt my heart break in 2. So I packed up and left to Midland, TX. I came to live here with my best friend. Everything was going great we had peace and quiet and we could do whatever the fuck we wanted. I got a job right away and everything was going great and then it began again...... His mother was and is driving me crazy always complaiming that the apt. was a mess and blah blah blah, but it would get on my nerves that it was OUR apt. not hers! Then 4 Thanksgiving his little bro came to stay a week and his mother decied to keep him here cuz she said his father was not taking good care of him... Well then he came but instead of him staying with her she decied to make him stay with us. I was cool at frist but now it has taken a toll on me. I can't have the ppl I want over cuz they start to complain about them. I can't throw parties like before cuz I have to keep in mind that he is here and has to go to school. His mom is over more than ever cuz of that and complains sooooo much. I'm just so tired. I was about to leave once, but decied to hack it. And now things are getting more complicated. I quit my job and got a new one. Hopefully it will be better.... Well while I started working @ my first job there this guy that caught my eye. He would buff the floors and was the 1st to smile at me from all the crew at that stupid place.... Well I liked him and lately I found him on myspace and got to know him better and found out that we have a lot of things in common. But before I got to know him there was a new guy that started work there too that caught my eye and he started flriting with me and we even kissed and all that shit.... Now I feel guilty that I did all that shit with that other guy when I like this other guy plus still have some kind of feelings for my ex. I am so confused... I really do like him very much..... I am just confused..... I am also confused because this guy told me he liked me and I do believe him but he is not the type to be affectionate, or be all over me.... And I am used to guys that are always playing with me, kissing me, hugging me, or holding my hand... I don't know if he is scared to do those things or what..... But what goes through my mind is that he doesn't want to touch me cuz he is not attracted to me, well not in that way..... He says that he likes me but just cuz we have the same interest, not that physical connection. I have gone through that before and it won't work out so I don't know if I should go with it or just tell him never mind. IDK what to do!! Please Help ME!!!