Melancholy life right now, with some highlights.
Gee golly it's been a long time. Hardly seems worth posting anymore, since I only know of two or three people who might be reading. This used to be a great way for a solid range of my friends to update each other on what's happening in their lives, but I only get regular posts (if you can call them that) from about 4 people, and can assume a similar readership, I'd imagine. I'd love for this to get out to a good chunk of selected others, but I don't really know how to get that to happen. Jason once told me how to make my livejournal posts also post to Facebook, which seems to have become the only common ground for ever'body, but this exporting has somehow ceased to continue, and I've long since forgotten how. (Jason? or Hsien?)
I can't even remember the last time I wrote anything on here. I've been very pent up lately, having been missing for months the variety of very specific people I can talk to about whatevers and get musings off my chest, solidified, or otherwise dealt with. There are some external factors leading to pent-uppery as well, some of which I am still debating bringing up on a general public forum such as this.
Lately, and more than ever, I've been missing Hamilton and all of the people I left there. I'll be glad to have 2 years of experience behind me after this, but I really want to go home and see people and fucking get involved in music properly again. I mean, the two things I honestly think I'm best at -- music and squash -- have been two of the most neglected aspects of my life since I've come to this country. Amidst anything else that might be going on here (administrative bollocks, economic failure, etc), is it any wonder I've come this far with a less than sunny outlook on England in general?
Interestingly, though also unpleasantly, as a result (at least partially) of living my life in realms in which I don't feel totally practiced and confident (teaching, mainly) and missing out on those in which I do, I've found myself lately feeling very aware of my diminutive physical stature -- particularly in contrast with other dudes, in general. I've also been thinking about sex a lot more lately (which makes it quite a lot now), but not really in an especially positive sense, especially as I continue to feel less than appealing to the ladyfolks. Do I already have a hot girlfriend with whom sex is both fun and available? Yes. Does this change any of the above? Apparently not much. That's a bit of a simplistic take on it right now, but that's all you get, unless you're one of the rare people I've been writing physical letters to (which the vaunted British postal service has been losing, the dicks!), in which case you'll probably hear way more than you're interested in. However, I doubt any of those people read this anymore, if they ever did.
In other news, which is actually more like news:
1. We have a kitty now! I may have already written about this, but she's superwickedawesome and totally deserves lots of acclaim and praise. She's something like 16, but very healthy, very energetic (chases her tail!), and VERY affectionate. I love cats like this even more than other cats (which makes it quite a lot!), and Millie -- for that is her name -- is more like this than all of them. She also seems to be quite bright, as felines go, and I appreciate that as well. Important note: the cat snores, and this is surprisingly adorable. She's doing it right now! Heeee!
2. I've been writing a little bit more on the electric cello with Paul actually accompanying my composition on piano. For all the music I've ever gotten up to in the past, this is actually the first time I've ever gotten someone to work on a piece that was entirely my own to begin with. And good news: he seems to love working on it with me! I'm so excited to have a decent version to send to people for hearings, hopefully something like soon. It is remotely possible that some element of this composition could appear in a friend's film project sometime in the future, which is also exciting.
3. Terrible news! I've been having really rotten luck with leaving things on trains -- only in the past few weeks, mind -- and the latest and by far the worst of these is my little pocket book! This particular edition started sometime in 2009, and contains MANY irretrievable and potentially worthwhile ideas, notions, lists, and so on. This is a travesty for me, and I'm pretty sure at this point that it will never make its way back to me. Just thinking about all the thoughts lost and likely tossed in the garbage is depressing me.
I originally started writing -- before I had this Livejournal account -- as an additional way to be in contact with Rasia (who sadly has, it seems, successfully cut herself off from almost everyone from her life when I knew her). She and for a while later Nina were the only people ever to have been regular readers of my almost innermost thoughts, and I miss having someone to be that open with. This is perhaps why this latest volume has been going on for quite some time, with rather a lot of space left for more ramblings. However, I have been less remiss about contributing to the various lists and idea spaces -- even to the point recently of converting certain lines into staff paper for writing spontaneous musical ideas. I am very sad about the loss of these items most of all.
As a final note, as I think I'm just about done writing about all this stuff for now, I've realised (yet again) that my love of -- and obvious addiction to -- video games is bad for me in almost all respects. When playing them, I neglect everything about the house (including Katelyn), my planning for lessons suffers, and I lose waaaay more sleep than I already would with my insane schedule.
I really, really miss Hammytown and my friends there or nearby (as well as a few not so nearby), and I would just like to go home right now. I want some heartfelt midnight conversations back in my life.
I can't even remember the last time I wrote anything on here. I've been very pent up lately, having been missing for months the variety of very specific people I can talk to about whatevers and get musings off my chest, solidified, or otherwise dealt with. There are some external factors leading to pent-uppery as well, some of which I am still debating bringing up on a general public forum such as this.
Lately, and more than ever, I've been missing Hamilton and all of the people I left there. I'll be glad to have 2 years of experience behind me after this, but I really want to go home and see people and fucking get involved in music properly again. I mean, the two things I honestly think I'm best at -- music and squash -- have been two of the most neglected aspects of my life since I've come to this country. Amidst anything else that might be going on here (administrative bollocks, economic failure, etc), is it any wonder I've come this far with a less than sunny outlook on England in general?
Interestingly, though also unpleasantly, as a result (at least partially) of living my life in realms in which I don't feel totally practiced and confident (teaching, mainly) and missing out on those in which I do, I've found myself lately feeling very aware of my diminutive physical stature -- particularly in contrast with other dudes, in general. I've also been thinking about sex a lot more lately (which makes it quite a lot now), but not really in an especially positive sense, especially as I continue to feel less than appealing to the ladyfolks. Do I already have a hot girlfriend with whom sex is both fun and available? Yes. Does this change any of the above? Apparently not much. That's a bit of a simplistic take on it right now, but that's all you get, unless you're one of the rare people I've been writing physical letters to (which the vaunted British postal service has been losing, the dicks!), in which case you'll probably hear way more than you're interested in. However, I doubt any of those people read this anymore, if they ever did.
In other news, which is actually more like news:
1. We have a kitty now! I may have already written about this, but she's superwickedawesome and totally deserves lots of acclaim and praise. She's something like 16, but very healthy, very energetic (chases her tail!), and VERY affectionate. I love cats like this even more than other cats (which makes it quite a lot!), and Millie -- for that is her name -- is more like this than all of them. She also seems to be quite bright, as felines go, and I appreciate that as well. Important note: the cat snores, and this is surprisingly adorable. She's doing it right now! Heeee!
2. I've been writing a little bit more on the electric cello with Paul actually accompanying my composition on piano. For all the music I've ever gotten up to in the past, this is actually the first time I've ever gotten someone to work on a piece that was entirely my own to begin with. And good news: he seems to love working on it with me! I'm so excited to have a decent version to send to people for hearings, hopefully something like soon. It is remotely possible that some element of this composition could appear in a friend's film project sometime in the future, which is also exciting.
3. Terrible news! I've been having really rotten luck with leaving things on trains -- only in the past few weeks, mind -- and the latest and by far the worst of these is my little pocket book! This particular edition started sometime in 2009, and contains MANY irretrievable and potentially worthwhile ideas, notions, lists, and so on. This is a travesty for me, and I'm pretty sure at this point that it will never make its way back to me. Just thinking about all the thoughts lost and likely tossed in the garbage is depressing me.
I originally started writing -- before I had this Livejournal account -- as an additional way to be in contact with Rasia (who sadly has, it seems, successfully cut herself off from almost everyone from her life when I knew her). She and for a while later Nina were the only people ever to have been regular readers of my almost innermost thoughts, and I miss having someone to be that open with. This is perhaps why this latest volume has been going on for quite some time, with rather a lot of space left for more ramblings. However, I have been less remiss about contributing to the various lists and idea spaces -- even to the point recently of converting certain lines into staff paper for writing spontaneous musical ideas. I am very sad about the loss of these items most of all.
As a final note, as I think I'm just about done writing about all this stuff for now, I've realised (yet again) that my love of -- and obvious addiction to -- video games is bad for me in almost all respects. When playing them, I neglect everything about the house (including Katelyn), my planning for lessons suffers, and I lose waaaay more sleep than I already would with my insane schedule.
I really, really miss Hammytown and my friends there or nearby (as well as a few not so nearby), and I would just like to go home right now. I want some heartfelt midnight conversations back in my life.