End of the weekend...I've been here a lot..
I went through three days in a row being the extra wheel.....the second and third time I couldn't even leave. It's like being in a room full of people and you're still absolutely alone. I had this brief shot of motivation the last couple of weeks....it's dead now. I had this thought I could be better...life has a way to ruin these things for me. I'm attracted to the wrong people I guess....or I don't know what attraction is.
Today I went out to Michelle's baby shower/bbq thing and that was fine. Then I got a call to go out and ride around the water with this girl I know. Yeah, I should have just said no but people would prefer for me to be positive...I really do not know why. But I digress, I went and found out I was really just needed for a ride so she could hang out with this other guy on the boat. So instead of having fun I spent 4 hours in self reflection drowning what little bit of life I had at that moment with beer.
It's left me feeling very empty. At least it's not like last year and all happening on my birthday, I don't think I could handle that again. I've had sleep the last three nights, I've been wide awake for all of this. I think the only thing that was keeping these thoughts down was the fact I was so tired before...and then before that smoking pot. You take away my negatives and all I get is negatives...I'm not winning any battles here and I'm surely losing the war.
This teddy bear has lost all his stuffing....and along the way his hope fell out some where with it. Funny how things change in just a few short days. I'm going to bed early I think....nothing can really hurt you when you're sleeping.
Lost in translation...
Jacob
Today I went out to Michelle's baby shower/bbq thing and that was fine. Then I got a call to go out and ride around the water with this girl I know. Yeah, I should have just said no but people would prefer for me to be positive...I really do not know why. But I digress, I went and found out I was really just needed for a ride so she could hang out with this other guy on the boat. So instead of having fun I spent 4 hours in self reflection drowning what little bit of life I had at that moment with beer.
It's left me feeling very empty. At least it's not like last year and all happening on my birthday, I don't think I could handle that again. I've had sleep the last three nights, I've been wide awake for all of this. I think the only thing that was keeping these thoughts down was the fact I was so tired before...and then before that smoking pot. You take away my negatives and all I get is negatives...I'm not winning any battles here and I'm surely losing the war.
This teddy bear has lost all his stuffing....and along the way his hope fell out some where with it. Funny how things change in just a few short days. I'm going to bed early I think....nothing can really hurt you when you're sleeping.
Lost in translation...
Jacob