Second Hand Lion
I'm unhappy.
It's starting to eat away at the confidence I have left, the motivation that's trying to grow, the life I'm trying to live. It's like a festering disease that's attached itself to my psyche and I cannot seem to shake it.
I feel like I've been put out to pasture way too early. The young lions have chased me off to fend for myself and now I sit under a tree in the savanna watching the pride leave me. I feel too old and fat to really think I'm going to make it but I keep that foolish hope alive because it's all I really seem to have. And all I can do is keep on pushing myself, pushing till my body gives out, till my mind can't think straight anymore.
I'd like to think a different job would solve my problems. Something that paid more so I could get out of this house that seems to be suffocating me. Then I realize that I'd be suffocated there all alone in an empty room staring off into a void.
My life is feeling rather empty to say the least. I try filling it but it all drains out of the holes left behind by failures past.
I cannot even be depressed about my current life. I'm so used to the feeling now I just kind of trudge through it. My pride will not even let me get out the tears built up inside. I haven't cried in over four years, even when the hurt was fresh and real. I'm too closed to sharing real emotion with anyone. I only use the word love with my parents now, any other time I must be drunk because I seem to loathe that emotion most when I'm sober.
So with my failings still intact and my mind drenched in chaos I guess I'll just deal. This old lion is going to realize all his fears at the rate he's going, so I'll have to find a reason to try....or just become another second hand lion.
It's starting to eat away at the confidence I have left, the motivation that's trying to grow, the life I'm trying to live. It's like a festering disease that's attached itself to my psyche and I cannot seem to shake it.
I feel like I've been put out to pasture way too early. The young lions have chased me off to fend for myself and now I sit under a tree in the savanna watching the pride leave me. I feel too old and fat to really think I'm going to make it but I keep that foolish hope alive because it's all I really seem to have. And all I can do is keep on pushing myself, pushing till my body gives out, till my mind can't think straight anymore.
I'd like to think a different job would solve my problems. Something that paid more so I could get out of this house that seems to be suffocating me. Then I realize that I'd be suffocated there all alone in an empty room staring off into a void.
My life is feeling rather empty to say the least. I try filling it but it all drains out of the holes left behind by failures past.
I cannot even be depressed about my current life. I'm so used to the feeling now I just kind of trudge through it. My pride will not even let me get out the tears built up inside. I haven't cried in over four years, even when the hurt was fresh and real. I'm too closed to sharing real emotion with anyone. I only use the word love with my parents now, any other time I must be drunk because I seem to loathe that emotion most when I'm sober.
So with my failings still intact and my mind drenched in chaos I guess I'll just deal. This old lion is going to realize all his fears at the rate he's going, so I'll have to find a reason to try....or just become another second hand lion.