(no subject)
howdy ya'll; i'm so sorry to hear that everyone felt like the new year was crappy. see, normally i hate new yea'rs eve, it's my least favorite holiday ever. i never get drunk and always end up taking care of drunk people. besdies, it's only symbolic, nothing real when it comes to a fresh start
but, i realized earlier this week that anythign can be a fresh start; you just have to make it that way.
so, i didn't sleep at all the night of my previous entry because i was so angry at everyone for trying to 'protect' me fro mmyself when really they knew nothing. but i realized i nthe morning that their intentions were in the right spot, and decided not to cut off all contact with all my old friends, the 'chicas', as part of my new start.
skiing with catlien and stephen was manic, and then parinoid (about a fuckign powder-coated easy black run that my brain turned into certain death) but totalled up as fun. picked up a hitchhiker on the way up, which i've always wanted to do. he smelled bad and said 'off the hook' regularly.
then went and brought eli some frozen mice for spot, and brought him into boulder to go to old chicago with 'everybody' (ie the chicas). finally that ended, although talking with jb was very nice sicne i lvoe her and i have not seen nearly enough of her latly! and i got to go meet val and go to kathrine's. nice long wlak to the lake with all the people i wish i knew better and truly aprriciate as human beings; the smart, creative, quirky group known collectivly as 'the lunitic fringe.' no offense meant to all my beloved chicas, but the lunitic fringe aprriciates life in a way i can much better relate to.
but even there i felt too rambunctious and, well, normal in a bad way/too weird in a bad way. so we went to nick's and made marzipan pigs. i drank half of eli's beer, then, at midnight, we brought the drumset outside and i had a glass of champagne. alyssa and cailtin tried to convince me to come back to boulder, and honestally i had many ride options, but gettign drunk with the chicas sounded horridly repeditive/like every other terrible new year's eve of my life. but when alyssa called to say nate was in the hospital i reckoned my true palce was taking care of my friends and talked nick into talking jason into driving us all into boulder, where we ended up jsut picking up shore and gonz before returning to nick's. of course, everyone was jsut beign over-dramatic. i was sad when shore came, because i had enjoyed beign the only girl, but she was a good addition. i am begining to remember wh ywe used to be such good friends! she really does have the desiere to be there for me, as i suppose everyone else does, but she really really acts upon it now. i htink she feels really bad about eli. but anyhow, combined with my meds the little alchohol i'd had made me very drunk, and when eli pulled me aside to ask if anythign was wrong, i ended up yelling at him about everythign hes' ever done wrong for 3 hours, and refused to let him walk away from it. when he at one point screamed, i don't lvoe you at all anymore, fuck off! i ran upstairs in a dramatic swoop of tears, and shore came up to tuck me in, which eli ended up finishing doing when he came to apologize. i think we decided then t oget back together and communicate better in the future, cuz when i awoke in the night, and again at noon, he was holding me. but, of course, he doesn't relaly remember htat, so we spent the afternoon discussing it. anyhow, woke up one th floor with nick, gonz, jason, and eli with peter and shore above us in the big bed , then met stephen at dot's for 'breakfast' around oneish. i felt like i really belonged in the group, and it felt wonderful. no parinoia, no nothing. but i'm still gald i'm gettign out of here, especially hopefully before i come to my senses and realize that i will never be 'one of the guys' as much as i felt i was last night/ today.
anyhow, it was the best fucking new years ever, and i cannot wait to tackle thsi new year with my newfound optomisim for fresh starts
but, i realized earlier this week that anythign can be a fresh start; you just have to make it that way.
so, i didn't sleep at all the night of my previous entry because i was so angry at everyone for trying to 'protect' me fro mmyself when really they knew nothing. but i realized i nthe morning that their intentions were in the right spot, and decided not to cut off all contact with all my old friends, the 'chicas', as part of my new start.
skiing with catlien and stephen was manic, and then parinoid (about a fuckign powder-coated easy black run that my brain turned into certain death) but totalled up as fun. picked up a hitchhiker on the way up, which i've always wanted to do. he smelled bad and said 'off the hook' regularly.
then went and brought eli some frozen mice for spot, and brought him into boulder to go to old chicago with 'everybody' (ie the chicas). finally that ended, although talking with jb was very nice sicne i lvoe her and i have not seen nearly enough of her latly! and i got to go meet val and go to kathrine's. nice long wlak to the lake with all the people i wish i knew better and truly aprriciate as human beings; the smart, creative, quirky group known collectivly as 'the lunitic fringe.' no offense meant to all my beloved chicas, but the lunitic fringe aprriciates life in a way i can much better relate to.
but even there i felt too rambunctious and, well, normal in a bad way/too weird in a bad way. so we went to nick's and made marzipan pigs. i drank half of eli's beer, then, at midnight, we brought the drumset outside and i had a glass of champagne. alyssa and cailtin tried to convince me to come back to boulder, and honestally i had many ride options, but gettign drunk with the chicas sounded horridly repeditive/like every other terrible new year's eve of my life. but when alyssa called to say nate was in the hospital i reckoned my true palce was taking care of my friends and talked nick into talking jason into driving us all into boulder, where we ended up jsut picking up shore and gonz before returning to nick's. of course, everyone was jsut beign over-dramatic. i was sad when shore came, because i had enjoyed beign the only girl, but she was a good addition. i am begining to remember wh ywe used to be such good friends! she really does have the desiere to be there for me, as i suppose everyone else does, but she really really acts upon it now. i htink she feels really bad about eli. but anyhow, combined with my meds the little alchohol i'd had made me very drunk, and when eli pulled me aside to ask if anythign was wrong, i ended up yelling at him about everythign hes' ever done wrong for 3 hours, and refused to let him walk away from it. when he at one point screamed, i don't lvoe you at all anymore, fuck off! i ran upstairs in a dramatic swoop of tears, and shore came up to tuck me in, which eli ended up finishing doing when he came to apologize. i think we decided then t oget back together and communicate better in the future, cuz when i awoke in the night, and again at noon, he was holding me. but, of course, he doesn't relaly remember htat, so we spent the afternoon discussing it. anyhow, woke up one th floor with nick, gonz, jason, and eli with peter and shore above us in the big bed , then met stephen at dot's for 'breakfast' around oneish. i felt like i really belonged in the group, and it felt wonderful. no parinoia, no nothing. but i'm still gald i'm gettign out of here, especially hopefully before i come to my senses and realize that i will never be 'one of the guys' as much as i felt i was last night/ today.
anyhow, it was the best fucking new years ever, and i cannot wait to tackle thsi new year with my newfound optomisim for fresh starts