In Vegas, no one can hear you scream
characters: Erik Johnson, TJ Oshie, Ben Bishop, Patrik Berglund (St. Louis Blues)
summary: Erik thinks it's a good idea for the four of them to go on a trip to the Sin City
rating: R
disclaimer: written for entertainment purposes only, ho
a/n: so, totally wrote this then went on panda_check's hockeykinkmeme and realized that I fulfilled someone's wish, albeit quite late without really knowing that I did... According to the miracle that is twitter, Erik Johnson, Patrik Berglund, TJ Oshie, and Ben Bishop are taking a Vegas vacay this weekend. This probablyobviousanon wants to know what kind of drunken shenanigans/debauchery they will be partaking in.
This is all Erik’s fault and TJ tells him so, repeatedly. They’re on their way home from Las Vegas and they reek of alcohol and sunblock and the old people around them keep glaring from behind their bi-focal lenses.
TJ and Patrik are seated behind their two teammates and TJ keeps poking the back of Erik’s seat, which is a task in itself because he’s in the opposite seat from him.
“This is your fucking fault, EJ. All your fault, I just want you to know that. You know, process that blame. Own it.” He whispers his message menacingly as the old man across the aisle eyes TJ with obvious disapproval.
Ben rolls his eyes and shakes his head in the seat next to Erik. Sometimes he feels like he’s the most mature of the four of them. As sad as that is.
(48 hours earlier)
Erik just stared in disbelief at their hotel room. “This has got to be the most amazing place ever. I think I’m in heaven, where are all the virgins?”
Patrik was next in the room and he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, “I think it is gyllene, for serious.”
Laughing, TJ burst in and scoffed. “This room has Bergie so excited he forgot how to speak English.”
Patrik just glares at him, “Håll käften.”
“Ya know, he says that to me so much and I don’t even know what it means.” TJ found the adjoining door to the next room. “Bergie, you and me, we get this room. I think it’s decked out in velvet.”
Everyone literally rolls their eyes in unison.
-
This is all Erik’s fault. He wanted a weekend getaway before the season started. He wanted to do something fun before the rigors of an NHL season was upon them, before it was too late.
And he picked the Sin City, the city that has gamblers and hookers on every street corner. The perfect place for the four of them, Erik, TJ, Patrik and Ben to just hang out, get some sun and maybe some action.
Erik called it an “adventure” when he was pitching the idea to the guys. “Come on, it’s for the weekend. What’s the worst that can happen?”
-
They can’t decide on a club for the evening. They’re sitting around the remnants of a three-figure dinner, arguing about which place to pick up the easiest chicks.
“I want like twenty girls on me at once.” Surprisingly it isn’t TJ who says that, it’s Erik. And he’s grinning wolfishly at the pretty-ish waitress making the rounds across the room. “I don’t even care if they know who I am or not.”
Ben glances at Erik, “I hope they don’t recognize you, for your sake.”
And Patrik laughs, joining in on the conversation. “I can see the lawsuits now. And the baby lawsuits.”
Erik, Ben and TJ just stare at him, the table suddenly silent as they try to figure out what he meant to say. It’s TJ who speaks up first of course, “What the fuck is a ‘baby lawsuit’? I can’t even pretend that I know what you mean like I usually do.”
The waiter decides to make his presence known at that moment. It’s a welcome distraction for Patrik. The waiter hands them the check and suggests the club only a few blocks down. It’s a high-volume turnout and known to attract the prettiest girls in town.
That’s all TJ needs to hear, turning his stunned expression from Patrik. “Okay, here’s an extra tip” and he lays a fifty on the tabletop “and thanks for the information my compadre.”
Patrik looks aghast at the money, “Really TJ? You’re being a little frivolous right now.”
TJ cracks a smile and tilts his head at Patrik, “Look who found the Swedish to English dictionary I bought for Christmas so useful.” Then he shoves at Ben sitting next to him, “Get out of the booth, out out out, we have places to be, man.”
-
As soon as they get into the club, they split up like they planned it. They don’t need to be in constant contact, that’s what cell phones and texting are for.
Ben hits the closest bar, stocking up with two beers at once.
Patrik finds an empty booth and does a quick once-over to make sure that it’s relatively clean.
TJ glides out onto the dance floor, already singing to the song overhead.
And Erik, he finds the blondest girl in the establishment and tilts his head to the side, “Hey, hey girl, what’s up?”
At 2 am, when the club gets shut down, they convene outside the front door. Ben is making out with a girl and in between sloppy kisses, getting her number for the next night to hang out, maybe.
Patrik and TJ are blatantly staring, the two of them blitzed beyond repair. It’s TJ who speaks, “Of all fucking people, it’s Bishop who gets a girl.” And he shakes his head to emphasize the point.
“Figures.” And Patrik shakes his head too in agreement.
The walk to the hotel is interesting to say the least. TJ and Erik have their arms around each other, belting out a Whitney Houston ballad, “I wanna DANCE with somebody!”
It’s so bad that Patrik almost sobers up and by almost it means just a little bit. He and Ben are trailing at least seven steps behind, pretending that they do not associate with two “gaywads” like that. “I wanna feel the HEAT with somebody!”
Back at the hotel, they separate into their designated rooms, Ben and Erik in one and TJ and Patrik in the adjoining room. “So then I was like, ‘WTF, bitch?’ and she was all, ‘I don’t really -” Ben shoves Erik into their room, not so subtly crushing a hand to his mouth to stop the endless chatter to TJ.
As soon as the door is open, Patrik crashes onto the nearest bed. TJ follows suit, lying next to his best friend. “You smell like a taco.”
Patrik's response is muffled by the pillow but it sounds an awful lot like, "Håll käften.”
(24 Hours earlier)
The next morning is brutal.
The sun is so bright that Patrik is on the verge of tears as he grapples with the shades. “Teej, Teej, seriously get up and help me.” TJ just groans from the bed and doesn’t make a move.
Erik knocks on the adjoining door, “I’ve got good news, assholes. Get up.”
Their hotel gifts them their own cabana right by the pool, stocked with everything four twenty-two year old guys could ever want. They bring their towels and sunblock to the cabana and prepare for a day of sun, swimming and nursing a hangover.
The cabana is decorated like it belongs in the jungles of Sears, with mosquito netting everywhere and painted Styrofoam tribal masks adorning the walls. The fan above them cools the cabana considerably but it’s still just bearable.
Ben and Patrik take up the far corner of the cabana, out of the sun and prying eyes. The sun is still too bright even with sunglasses on and both feel the need to be as close to the bathroom as possible.
There are two options for why only Ben and Patrik are so hungover: either they drank too much/got roofied or they just don’t have the liver capacity to process alcohol like their two college-educated teammates.
TJ and Erik sit in the sun, sunglasses on and mixed drinks in hand. They’re feeling fine and checking out the host of bikini-clad girls circling the pool, their eyes like vultures zeroing in on the prey.
“That one, with the yellow suit and that ass that you could bounce a quarter off of.”
“Nah, no way. The one in the green one, her tits are just fucking wow.”
“I fucking love this place.”
“I fucking love these girls. I want every single one of them, everyday ‘til the day that I die.”
“That’s too much pussy for one man.”
“I would take one for the team, for sure.”
But that’s when their day goes from the usual happenings to downright awesome.
Ben perks up from the back of the cabana, “Fuck, dude, isn’t that the guy from ‘Jerry Maguire’?” Patrik sits up and looks across the pool, at the cabana that mirrors their own.
TJ hears them and looks too, “Yeah! That’s what’s-his-name, oh from that movie that had the sled dogs in it.” When he’s met with blank stares, “Shit you know what I mean, we’ve all seen it.”
“Paul Walker?” Patrik’s accent is unmistakable from the back of the cabana as the other three slowly turn their heads to stare at him. His cheeks turn bright red, “Maybe?”
TJ blinks repeatedly, trying to understand where his best friend came from. “Paul Walker is white. And how the fuck do you even know who that is? You don’t even know who George Clooney is.”
Ben’s eyebrows shoot up and he looks at Patrik then at TJ, “He doesn’t know who Clooney is? Jesus.”
Shaking his head, TJ focuses on Ben as he turns in the lounge chair. “Yeah, I know. And I have to live with this.”
The unknown actor has an entourage with him and they’re walking around the outer edge of the pool as they talk. And that’s when Erik sees him, finally. “It’s Cuba Gooding Jr. you fucktards. Jesus, you would think that none of you have ever seen a movie before.”
Ben rolls his eyes, “Oh, sorry Mr. Johnson. I forgot that you’ve seen like every fucking movie ever made.” And Patrik smiles at him, thinking that it’s funny when Ben gets pissy. Erik doesn’t hear it or just chooses to ignore the comment.
The entourage is getting close when Erik suddenly perks up with an idea. “TJ, take my picture with him! His eyes are wild with the idea, “I have to have evidence of this, show the other guys.”
Somehow Erik and TJ get Cuba to stop and take a picture and it’s the funniest fucking thing they’ve ever done up to that point. Well to everyone but Ben, he just doesn’t see the humor in it all.
-
“Casino time, ladies. Let’s get our lucky shirts on and win some mon-ay!” Erik is rounding up the troops, getting the other three guys to listen to him.
Patrik is modeling his blue-green paisley blouse in the mirror, grinning at the reflection. “I make this look good.” It’s his lucky shirt.
Ben comes up behind him, grimacing in the mirror. “Uh, Berg, not really. Honestly, you kinda look like a child molester in that shirt.”
And Patrik turns around, tackling his teammate to the floor. “I’m going to hurt you!” It isn’t serious though and they both quit trying to hurt each other in a few minutes, breathless and smiling.
Nothing’s stopping their good moods. They’re hell-bent on winning some good money in the casino.
“TJ, I swear that if you’re wearing those underwear that haven’t been washed because they’re lucky I will murder you in your sleep tonight.”
TJ just shrugs at Ben and rushes ahead in the hallway, away from Ben as he says, “So what if I am?”
Downstairs in the lobby, they separate again.
TJ heads for the craps table.
Ben gets on the slot machines, rubbing his hands together expectantly.
Patrik sidles up to some pretty ladies at the blackjack table.
And Erik, well, he just disappears.
It isn’t until three hours later that the rest of the group finds out just what he was up to. When the casino security guards show up with Erik in tow, dragging him towards the exit.
Ben stares open-mouthed as Erik is hauled past him. Then he hurriedly texts Patrik and forwards it to TJ, “Holy fuck, EJ just got arrested or something. Meet outside the casino.”
All three of them leave what they were doing, the bets left and their seats vacated when the texts reach their phones.
They burst through the doors of the casino and see the guards tossing Erik to the marble floor. “If we catch you in this casino again, we will press charges.” Then they turn on their heels and leave all four boys outside in the lobby.
TJ is slightly hammered as he leans over Erik, hands on knees, “What the fuck did you do?”
“You would never believe it.” Erik smells like Tequila and sex as he just grins up at all of them. Then he stands up and that’s when they notice that his pants are unzipped and his shirt is buttoned up all wrong.
Ben starts cracking up, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” And Patrik joins in but TJ stays silent, glaring at his teammate.
“Really? You get us kicked out, you make me leave ‘cause you were stupid enough to get caught getting your freak on with some crazy hooker?” TJ is in Erik’s face, anger making his cheeks bright red.
Erik just shrugs, that stupid grin on his face. And TJ tackles him, yelling obscenities and causing even more of a scene than before. The two of them are wrestling on the ground, hitting and pulling hair.
“I probably lost STOP IT a lot of money in there.”
“It’s not my fault she was really looooooudOW!”
Patrik looks at Ben, eyebrows raised in question if they should do something to stop this nonsense or not. But they both intervene, each grabbing the collar of a teammate and dragging him away.
By the time they make it to the hotel rooms, Erik and TJ are calmed down but they’re not speaking to each other. The mood sobered up considerably, the boys splitting up in twos.
-
TJ and Patrik are huddled together in the airport, quiet and tired. Hotel management woke them up at six in the morning to kick them out. And it was just another reason for TJ to glare occasionally at Erik, he really wasn’t a morning person.
Ben wants to play the part of the peacemaker but he finds the whole situation kind of funny. When they’re on the plane and it’s setting down in St. Louis, he turns to Erik and says, “I actually had a fucking awesome time this weekend.”
Erik beams and nods his head, “It was a good idea.” Then he turns around to look at TJ and Patrik, “Did you have fun, ladies?”
Looking at TJ first, Patrik shrugs a little bit. “I did, I guess.” And TJ looks at both of them and finally nods in agreement.
Smiling, Erik cuffs at TJ’s head, “Ooooh so cute. So glad you don’t hate me.” And TJ smacks Erik’s hand away with a slight smile on his face.
Standing up and grabbing at his bag, Erik feels like this was a successful trip. Now it was back to real life.