I AM independent/codependant... wtf!

[nefairyious]

Very difficult, very confusing, how am I ever going to get anyone to stay by my side if I change drastically all the time! OK so alot of arguments and problems start because I am a very "Ill do it myself!, go away!, don't touch me!, Leave me alone, I'll deal with it," sort of person, not to be confused with bitchiness i hope. UNTIL! I AM alone, lets say for more then 8 hours and then things get loopy like and I start freaking out. Like panic, they arent ever coming back, oh god, how long will it be like this... noises from outside get louder and it's like a bad acid trip or something. This whole thing started when I lived with my dad, and he would leave me home for DAYs... This isnt a pity post, I am verbally diagnosing myself. Yeah so , florida..no friends yet.. no tv, no phone, no internet, NO CONNECTION TO ANYONE EVER! days like this.. the only movies we had was this kevin bacon movie where he's in jaill and he is extremely mistreated and the excorist. Both of which I watched countless times. I started going crazy then, after like the 3rd day I would start freaking out. Obviously.... So, this sort of thing hasnt happened really since florida because I'm never alone long enough so I forgot about it until yesterday..YESTERDAY...yesterday sucked. I was alone from 8 in the morning until 7 at night. I can't really imagine anyone getting crazy from this, infact it should have been nice, and it was for the first 6 or 7 hours. I can't explain what happens I just hate it... anyway my whole point to explaining this is...
I'm fucked up.
the end
<3very much
Zuravinblaine***