This is one of those times when you feel like shit....
I really need to start writing in this more, cuz it would really relieve some of the stress that I been feeling....I'm so damn overcomitted and my parents are so far up my ass that I can't live my own damn life. I know I'm not grown...but I'm old enough to get myself outta bad situations and make my own decisions. I don't have bad judgement and I'm not a bad kid.....I mean sure I do the normal dumb teenage things, but that's to be expected. I don't know. I'm just so ready to get out of here it's not funny. But the more I think about it, the more I am coming to realize that I will probably end up here in Cincinnati. I don't really want to, but I'm not motivated to apply anywhere else, and I'm terrified of rejection....sooo....U.C it will probably be. It hurts me to admitt it, but it's about time I come to terms with it.
I'm falling in like...reeeaaalllll hard too. Damn. I said that this wouldn't happen, but it inevitably is. I like Josh sooooo much, and he's all I talk about, and really all I want to talk about. I never felt this way with Terrance. It's easier for me to like him too because my parents like him, and why wouldn't they, he's a likeable person. It's just that I'm going to college....I'm not gonna be here forever....but I just can't help it. He's funny, cute, tall haha, smart, so talented at what he does (basketball and football), and he's very driven. When he's holding me in his arms, it's like everything is okay. He's so big, so he just engulfs me and even if I'm really sad, it just makes me feel better. We can sit and watch tv....we can even lay on the floor and watch tv without having to be all over each other and havin sex or whatever. We both just enjoy each others company. I trust him. But even more than that, I really respect him. And I know that he respects me. The way he kisses me....oh Lord....haha. It's perfect. The way he always breathes all heavy, and how he's always singing a song even tho he can't sing for shit! As much as it gets on my nerves, I've gotten used to the way he flips the channels both on tv and the radio because he hates comercials. He always gets the Number 6 at Wendy's and the number 2 at burger king with two hersey sundae pies....he rarely drinks pop, always hawaian punch or lemonade. I could go on. I'm not in love, but the fact that I could start to scares me. He tells me all the time that he likes me a lot...but yesterday he told me that he thinks he's gonna start to love me. Which comin from Joshua Chichester, is a big deal. He told me when we first started goin out that for whatever reasons, he doesn't love.....he was with this girl for what seemed like forever and he said he didn't love her. And one time he said that he was doing something only cuz he loves me.....it's weird. I've liked him for so long, and it's like wow......sometimes being patient pays off, because when he approached me I was so shocked, that at first I thought he was just fuckin with me, but he was dead serious. And now the groupies don't even bother me, because I see the way he reacts to them, he doesn't care about all those little girls that only like him because he's Josh Chichester, the reallllllyyy tall ( 6'8"), cute black guy, who's the best wide receiver the school has, and also a beast at basketball. That's why sometimes it seems really weird that we're goin out. He's wanted by so many people, and outta all them......he chose me. And it could just be that I'm biased towards myself, but I can seperate myself from the groupies, because I like Josh because of his personality and charm and his ability to make me smile under just about any circumstances, NOT because he's always in the paper. We do the stupidest things together and I always have the time of my life when I'm with him. One time we were in the car and he stopped pushing the gas and we rocked back and forth to gain momentum to get to his house....it was so stupid but we laughed the entire time. We have wedgie wars! haha We have so many inside jokes and we alwyays finish each other sentences. I used to be so afraid that I liked him more than he liked me.....but now I'm certain that we're even. He just makes me so happy, and proud really. I go to all the basketball games that I can and I'm proud to say that #4 is mine, and all mine. His ex tried to get to him and start talkin to his boy, Brent....but it did just the opposite. He told me the truth....that it did bother him a little bit, which did make me upset, but now we are closer than we were before. I know I'm rambling....I'm just sooooooooooooo in like. He sings me the lyrics to Mario's "Let me Love you"....we both know it's corny....but the fact that he means it makes it all better. My mom adores him, it's cute how she likes him so much. My dad tries to be all maucho...but even he can't hide that he really likes Josh either. My sister likes him, Aunt Tina likes him. All my friends do....right now he's the one thing in my life that is great. And to tell you the truth....I need that right now. I really do.
You know who else I'm so apprecaitive for? Number one: my sister, I love her so much. Even tho she's older and a lot of the times she agrees with my parents I still respect her. SHe makes me soooo mad because in my irrational, angry times I think she's just picking sides to be mean.....but I know that she's just giving her true, honest, older and wiser opinion. She's there for me when i need someone and don't have anyone else. She's the reason why i'm half as goofy as I am. And being goofy is the trait that I love most about myself. She's cool and real. She can relate to what growin up under the restrictions of my parents are like....I just love her...and Number 2: my boy Shomari...damn. That boy has helped me through so much shit, it's unbelieveable. I wish he would get a better girlfriend because she is not good enough for him....everybody says we're too close not to get married in the end...but that's just my boy. I love that boy to death. He's so simple and real. I can thank plenty of me and Josh's success to Shomari. I'mma find him a good girl.....one that will fully appreciate what he does and who he is....
I came on to complain about all my problems, haha but I got to writin about my baby and I didn't even get to all that....that's a good thing. Happy New Year's everyone. I'll post resolutions later.
I'm falling in like...reeeaaalllll hard too. Damn. I said that this wouldn't happen, but it inevitably is. I like Josh sooooo much, and he's all I talk about, and really all I want to talk about. I never felt this way with Terrance. It's easier for me to like him too because my parents like him, and why wouldn't they, he's a likeable person. It's just that I'm going to college....I'm not gonna be here forever....but I just can't help it. He's funny, cute, tall haha, smart, so talented at what he does (basketball and football), and he's very driven. When he's holding me in his arms, it's like everything is okay. He's so big, so he just engulfs me and even if I'm really sad, it just makes me feel better. We can sit and watch tv....we can even lay on the floor and watch tv without having to be all over each other and havin sex or whatever. We both just enjoy each others company. I trust him. But even more than that, I really respect him. And I know that he respects me. The way he kisses me....oh Lord....haha. It's perfect. The way he always breathes all heavy, and how he's always singing a song even tho he can't sing for shit! As much as it gets on my nerves, I've gotten used to the way he flips the channels both on tv and the radio because he hates comercials. He always gets the Number 6 at Wendy's and the number 2 at burger king with two hersey sundae pies....he rarely drinks pop, always hawaian punch or lemonade. I could go on. I'm not in love, but the fact that I could start to scares me. He tells me all the time that he likes me a lot...but yesterday he told me that he thinks he's gonna start to love me. Which comin from Joshua Chichester, is a big deal. He told me when we first started goin out that for whatever reasons, he doesn't love.....he was with this girl for what seemed like forever and he said he didn't love her. And one time he said that he was doing something only cuz he loves me.....it's weird. I've liked him for so long, and it's like wow......sometimes being patient pays off, because when he approached me I was so shocked, that at first I thought he was just fuckin with me, but he was dead serious. And now the groupies don't even bother me, because I see the way he reacts to them, he doesn't care about all those little girls that only like him because he's Josh Chichester, the reallllllyyy tall ( 6'8"), cute black guy, who's the best wide receiver the school has, and also a beast at basketball. That's why sometimes it seems really weird that we're goin out. He's wanted by so many people, and outta all them......he chose me. And it could just be that I'm biased towards myself, but I can seperate myself from the groupies, because I like Josh because of his personality and charm and his ability to make me smile under just about any circumstances, NOT because he's always in the paper. We do the stupidest things together and I always have the time of my life when I'm with him. One time we were in the car and he stopped pushing the gas and we rocked back and forth to gain momentum to get to his house....it was so stupid but we laughed the entire time. We have wedgie wars! haha We have so many inside jokes and we alwyays finish each other sentences. I used to be so afraid that I liked him more than he liked me.....but now I'm certain that we're even. He just makes me so happy, and proud really. I go to all the basketball games that I can and I'm proud to say that #4 is mine, and all mine. His ex tried to get to him and start talkin to his boy, Brent....but it did just the opposite. He told me the truth....that it did bother him a little bit, which did make me upset, but now we are closer than we were before. I know I'm rambling....I'm just sooooooooooooo in like. He sings me the lyrics to Mario's "Let me Love you"....we both know it's corny....but the fact that he means it makes it all better. My mom adores him, it's cute how she likes him so much. My dad tries to be all maucho...but even he can't hide that he really likes Josh either. My sister likes him, Aunt Tina likes him. All my friends do....right now he's the one thing in my life that is great. And to tell you the truth....I need that right now. I really do.
You know who else I'm so apprecaitive for? Number one: my sister, I love her so much. Even tho she's older and a lot of the times she agrees with my parents I still respect her. SHe makes me soooo mad because in my irrational, angry times I think she's just picking sides to be mean.....but I know that she's just giving her true, honest, older and wiser opinion. She's there for me when i need someone and don't have anyone else. She's the reason why i'm half as goofy as I am. And being goofy is the trait that I love most about myself. She's cool and real. She can relate to what growin up under the restrictions of my parents are like....I just love her...and Number 2: my boy Shomari...damn. That boy has helped me through so much shit, it's unbelieveable. I wish he would get a better girlfriend because she is not good enough for him....everybody says we're too close not to get married in the end...but that's just my boy. I love that boy to death. He's so simple and real. I can thank plenty of me and Josh's success to Shomari. I'mma find him a good girl.....one that will fully appreciate what he does and who he is....
I came on to complain about all my problems, haha but I got to writin about my baby and I didn't even get to all that....that's a good thing. Happy New Year's everyone. I'll post resolutions later.