(no subject)
Ugh, another job rejection today. I'm sad, and I'm sick of feeling completely worthless because I've made the conscious decision to go into this very competitive field and of course I am getting rejections.
I also had to ask my mom for money today for the first time.... ever. I had $16 in my bank account, no gas in my tank, and no food in my fridge.
At this time when I should be leaping into independence, I just feel like I'm sliding backward. My friends are in town this weekend and I can't summon up any excitement about it. I just feel like it's another thing I have to do. All I really care about anymore is kicking ass on my thesis and surviving until May 20th.
I can't be motivated to find a job anymore. I am going through the motions, but it just feels like a waste of time and effort. And like something that will end with my self-esteem in the gutter, again. It's like, why am I doing this thing that not only takes up a lot of time/energy, but that ends up making me feel like shit? What is the point of that?
(The point of course, is that I'll be on top of the world when I finally get hired somewhere.)
But right now. I'd like to switch places with this guy.
I also had to ask my mom for money today for the first time.... ever. I had $16 in my bank account, no gas in my tank, and no food in my fridge.
At this time when I should be leaping into independence, I just feel like I'm sliding backward. My friends are in town this weekend and I can't summon up any excitement about it. I just feel like it's another thing I have to do. All I really care about anymore is kicking ass on my thesis and surviving until May 20th.
I can't be motivated to find a job anymore. I am going through the motions, but it just feels like a waste of time and effort. And like something that will end with my self-esteem in the gutter, again. It's like, why am I doing this thing that not only takes up a lot of time/energy, but that ends up making me feel like shit? What is the point of that?
(The point of course, is that I'll be on top of the world when I finally get hired somewhere.)
But right now. I'd like to switch places with this guy.