Once: Video Post: If someone is trying to make me homesick, it's not working

[needs_a_plan]

[The video clicks on, and at first there's only a clattering noise and a blur of color, as if the screen is being jostled around. Then, Tulio's face comes into view, so close to the camera that he's taking up the whole monitor.]

I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS.

[Suddenly, with another violent jostle, the view readjusts to reveal more of Tulio

Comments

[pasodoble]

¡CORTÉS!

[needs_a_plan]

Yeah, and he WON'T GO AWAY.

[needs_a_plan]

Wait--

You know him?

[pasodoble]

Sí, he was my friend! I didn't know you were friends with Cortés too!

[needs_a_plan]

You were friends with this guy!?

[pasodoble]

Sí~ He used to yell at me and say I was in the way but I conquered my first land with him~

[needs_a_plan]

He tried to have me enslaved in a Cuban sugar plantation.

[pasodoble]

Oh. You must have made him very angry.

. . . But Cuba is nice!

[needs_a_plan]

...Oh my god, not you too.

[pasodoble]

You'll be fine as long as you have ice cream~

And don't call him India; it makes him angry.

[needs_a_plan]

...

What?

[pasodoble]

Yes?

[needs_a_plan]

How does that even-- Never mind. Look, if you figure out a way to get rid of him, let me know, okay?

[pasodoble]

I can ask Isabella to tell him to go away if you'd like.

[needs_a_plan]

That's be great, except - wait. They won't talk to us, but can they talk to each other?

[pasodoble]

I don't know, perhaps? We can always try.