Pepper
I got into what nearly became a physical confrontation with a very inconsiderate bitch in a fucking Wal-mart today. I guess she took me for being a passive aggressive because she assumed I said something snide about her lack of consideration behind her back but she had merely turned her back on me when I was expressing my displeasure. When she chased me down to the other side of the store to ask what exactly I had said I was sure to get close enough to her face that she would hear and clearly read my lips. She backed down as gracefully as she could but I felt cowardly for not just throwing her through a kiosk of canned fruit. Why cowardly though??? I said it to her face as I intended to begin with, I obviously ultimately won the confrontation but for not physically harming her I felt like my word meant nothing. Then I stood directly behind her at the check out, despite the length of the line and dared her to turn around. Once in the car my brother stared at me for a decent length of time before asking me if I had been possessed. Possessed. It was humorous and lightened the mood.
Maybe its Christmas but I am just not well at mind. I have totally lost it. Every little outlet I attempt to pursue manages to slam the door in my face and its so fucking distressing. I keep trying to prove that I work hard and think hard and that the bulk of my time is utilized militantly and I know it is. I have to be focused if its closing a sale or straightening my hair, it must be accomplished with stealth and accuracy. Knowing is not enough though if you are the only. I am running my little heart out like a greyhound that’s just not hitting first place. And heres the bleeding hearts, like animal activist, saying I am malnourished and kept in spaces too small but I hate pity and I don’t care really as long as I fucking make the grade! I can only run so many more times before they take me out back and put me out of my misery and that thought alone is discouraging enough. Recycling negativity, an ever turning wheel of self destruction. If I could just sleep it off like I sleep off bruised puffy eyes and a hoarse voice I’d be in business, fuck the wheel. I hate...I hate...I hate.....and it cost and it hurts.
There, there. I am okay. This cruel, cruel mind of mine.
Maybe its Christmas but I am just not well at mind. I have totally lost it. Every little outlet I attempt to pursue manages to slam the door in my face and its so fucking distressing. I keep trying to prove that I work hard and think hard and that the bulk of my time is utilized militantly and I know it is. I have to be focused if its closing a sale or straightening my hair, it must be accomplished with stealth and accuracy. Knowing is not enough though if you are the only. I am running my little heart out like a greyhound that’s just not hitting first place. And heres the bleeding hearts, like animal activist, saying I am malnourished and kept in spaces too small but I hate pity and I don’t care really as long as I fucking make the grade! I can only run so many more times before they take me out back and put me out of my misery and that thought alone is discouraging enough. Recycling negativity, an ever turning wheel of self destruction. If I could just sleep it off like I sleep off bruised puffy eyes and a hoarse voice I’d be in business, fuck the wheel. I hate...I hate...I hate.....and it cost and it hurts.
There, there. I am okay. This cruel, cruel mind of mine.