[eclecticmuses] it is something that haunts my soul
Guilt is anger directed at ourselves. -Peter McWilliams
When she looks at him it burns him right down to the soul, the way she clings to him now isn't about danger or forbidden loss, it's about loss. The life that lived inside of her is gone. She left Roy, the world of their affair crashed down around them with the loss of the baby she was carrying. Jim's baby, not Roys, his guilt threatens to overwhelm him every moment he's awake - it even haunts him when he's sleeping. It haunts him in a way he's never felt before. It's crazy but it's worse now that he spends nights in her bed instead of the other way around. It's worse now that she's not wearing that ring that he hated and loved because it was her rebellion against his love and he was her rebllion against her un-happiness.
Jim was always sure that he would make Pam the happiest she could ever possibly be. He had dreams where she didn't marry Roy. Dreams where they both took seperate journey's and ended up in the same place they started - loving each other. He had dreams where they went on actual dates and teased each other in the office. He had dreams where he bought the ring about a week after they started dating. And dreams where they had a happy ending.
This was not his happy ending. But he's with her and she clings to him like she needs him to breathe. She clings to him but she can't look at him. It's a long road.
It doesn't help that Roy has promised to kill him. Jim likes being alive and he'd rather not deal with Roy Anderson - her husband. Soon to be ex. Jim's not sure which of them is more eager to get out of the marriage now that everybody knows what had been happening. Angela gives them disgusted looks. Michael thinks it's great but Jim knows if Michael truly got the breadth of what happened he'd be the first one offering sympathies. It's weird because Dwight has been extra careful around Pam lately, he even brings her things to try to make her feel better.
They haven't pranked Dwight in weeks.
Guilt churns in his stomach, guilt and pain.
Muse | Jim Halpert
Fandom | The Office
Word Count | 382
When she looks at him it burns him right down to the soul, the way she clings to him now isn't about danger or forbidden loss, it's about loss. The life that lived inside of her is gone. She left Roy, the world of their affair crashed down around them with the loss of the baby she was carrying. Jim's baby, not Roys, his guilt threatens to overwhelm him every moment he's awake - it even haunts him when he's sleeping. It haunts him in a way he's never felt before. It's crazy but it's worse now that he spends nights in her bed instead of the other way around. It's worse now that she's not wearing that ring that he hated and loved because it was her rebellion against his love and he was her rebllion against her un-happiness.
Jim was always sure that he would make Pam the happiest she could ever possibly be. He had dreams where she didn't marry Roy. Dreams where they both took seperate journey's and ended up in the same place they started - loving each other. He had dreams where they went on actual dates and teased each other in the office. He had dreams where he bought the ring about a week after they started dating. And dreams where they had a happy ending.
This was not his happy ending. But he's with her and she clings to him like she needs him to breathe. She clings to him but she can't look at him. It's a long road.
It doesn't help that Roy has promised to kill him. Jim likes being alive and he'd rather not deal with Roy Anderson - her husband. Soon to be ex. Jim's not sure which of them is more eager to get out of the marriage now that everybody knows what had been happening. Angela gives them disgusted looks. Michael thinks it's great but Jim knows if Michael truly got the breadth of what happened he'd be the first one offering sympathies. It's weird because Dwight has been extra careful around Pam lately, he even brings her things to try to make her feel better.
They haven't pranked Dwight in weeks.
Guilt churns in his stomach, guilt and pain.
Muse | Jim Halpert
Fandom | The Office
Word Count | 382