(no subject)
Wow. I have not even thought about my livejournal in almost a year. I figured i would update it because i can. Even though no one ever checks it anymore, ill still have the memory. As i was deleting all of my old entries, i started to feel all ... emotional. Not in the im going to cry sense but in the wow, i was such an emo kid. haha. But of course i was reliving everything in my head. From my crush on tully to sophomore year homecoming.
But that got me thinking, about the last boy i kinda of sort of maybe dated. we were together for almost a month, so about 3 and a half weeks. Im so angry that i called it off becuase he was the only boy who never made me feel uncomfortable or try anything to make it weird. I wish i would have stayed with him becuase i dont think i will ever find another boy like him. Im dumb.
But im ok with that. you live and you learn. Going over my past entries has made me realize i am a lot more calm than i used to be. Mainly with my words and how i act in public. I hardly ever curse. Ive been very conscious of that. I think it sounds so bad when someone is talking and every other word is a curse word. I dont want to give that impression. Ive also been a lot more mature around people. well until they get to know me then i go back to acting like a twelve year old. haha.
i dont like how everyone has 'grown up'. How they go out and drink to have fun. What happened to the good old days when movies and dinner were all you needed. I still do that but all everyone seems to do is party. Im not into that and i dont think i will ever be into that.
This summer has been very uneventful. I havent even talked to hardly anyone. It sucks but i knew it was going to happen eventually. I miss my best friend matt. he always calls me and it has been a very boring summer without him. He just broke up with his girlfiend and i feel so bad for him. He really loved her. But he'll get through it and find the perfect girl. Because he is a wonderful guy. I have actually been hanging out with cameron and zak lately. OK like three times, but its been fun. They dont make me feel weird and i can act like them, which is immature, but it is so much fun. I hope we can hang out more before zak goes to basic training and me and cameron go off to college.
The only person stessing over my college is my dad. I really cant stand to be around him but im not going to make a big deal out of it. I hope i dont fall under the radar like at faith. I hope i can find good friends and go out more. I miss seeing everyone like it has been like for the last seven years. My biggest fear is to become invincible again.
I have also grown closer to god. sappy but a good note to end on.
i dont know if ill ever update this again. maybe to vent. or maybe just to keep my thoughts around. who knows.
But that got me thinking, about the last boy i kinda of sort of maybe dated. we were together for almost a month, so about 3 and a half weeks. Im so angry that i called it off becuase he was the only boy who never made me feel uncomfortable or try anything to make it weird. I wish i would have stayed with him becuase i dont think i will ever find another boy like him. Im dumb.
But im ok with that. you live and you learn. Going over my past entries has made me realize i am a lot more calm than i used to be. Mainly with my words and how i act in public. I hardly ever curse. Ive been very conscious of that. I think it sounds so bad when someone is talking and every other word is a curse word. I dont want to give that impression. Ive also been a lot more mature around people. well until they get to know me then i go back to acting like a twelve year old. haha.
i dont like how everyone has 'grown up'. How they go out and drink to have fun. What happened to the good old days when movies and dinner were all you needed. I still do that but all everyone seems to do is party. Im not into that and i dont think i will ever be into that.
This summer has been very uneventful. I havent even talked to hardly anyone. It sucks but i knew it was going to happen eventually. I miss my best friend matt. he always calls me and it has been a very boring summer without him. He just broke up with his girlfiend and i feel so bad for him. He really loved her. But he'll get through it and find the perfect girl. Because he is a wonderful guy. I have actually been hanging out with cameron and zak lately. OK like three times, but its been fun. They dont make me feel weird and i can act like them, which is immature, but it is so much fun. I hope we can hang out more before zak goes to basic training and me and cameron go off to college.
The only person stessing over my college is my dad. I really cant stand to be around him but im not going to make a big deal out of it. I hope i dont fall under the radar like at faith. I hope i can find good friends and go out more. I miss seeing everyone like it has been like for the last seven years. My biggest fear is to become invincible again.
I have also grown closer to god. sappy but a good note to end on.
i dont know if ill ever update this again. maybe to vent. or maybe just to keep my thoughts around. who knows.