(no subject)
i feel. used? i know that's not the right word for the situation, but it's the only way i can describe it
i just have this bad taste in my mouth for everything "religious".
me and god are doing just fine. but i'm i completely frustrated with all the "religious systems" in my life.
is seems like all first baptist does is play with my emotions, and all crossroads does is teach me rules i'll never live up to.
i don't know if i'm frustated becuase i can't keep up, don't want to keep up, or won't keep up.
i'm not sure. either way, i've decided not to think about it too much. it's so easy to use things like this as an excuse to be a rebel though.
we'll see how that one turns out. i'm pretty sure i won't do anything dumb, but it's always risky for me to cut out of my life the things which hold me accountable.
1 month till graduation.
all i can think about is getting out of here.
had a nice chat with brandon anderson today. it's funny the people you end up keeping in touch with after high school. for me, the majority are people i didn't start hanging out with until after i left for college. wonder who it'll be next time...
i'm not scared yet. wonder when/if it'll hit me. technically this'll be the first time i really live home. i should probably feel something besides good riddance, right? i'm trying to imagine what i'll miss. it's hard to think of something. probably just the team, the instant family, friends, training partners, source of entertainment with one phone call, support system. i think that last part is the only thing i'm worried about. i have probably 25 people who would notice/take action if i started messing up/going off the deep end. it'll be strange to be independent by situation, not by choice.