blah blah school things blah anxiety blah, but with a smiley face on the end
This morning I had a meeting with the professor who is currently teaching me about C. S. Lewis and the Oxford Christians. He said nice things, like that I had the kind of mind that would be able to complete this ridiculous mission. Commonly called "being a philosophy major." I'm not totally giving up on science, but there are only so many chemicals I can memorize before my brain tries to collapse in on itself, and then after that it's not like I can debate anything anyone tells me. I just got so bored. So instead of marine biology, I'll get a dual degree in philosophy instead. I wish I could give up the micro, but I've only got like six more classes in that, so it would be silly. Sigh.
On the up side (and really all of the sides are up and YAY), this does mean that I get to make new friends who never have to take organic chemistry or the organic chemistry lab and have no idea what it's like to be constantly surrounded by people who all want to go to medical school! A whole new crop of strangers with relatively undamaged psyches! YES.
The anxiety thing's been getting worse--I'm kind of falling back into my old habits of pretending like ignoring it is going to make it go away and watching too many things on Netflix, but I'm at least attempting to multitask while I do it, and on school things instead of drawing pictures or whatever.
I feel a lot better about the next two years now. I was interested in learning about science, but I don't feel so much like I have to just survive the rest of college so I can do what I really want to do afterwards, so. It just sucks about the anxiety, because even though logically I know (or, in one case that I don't want to bring up here, have reason to suspect) things are going really well, I still feel like I'm about to wreck everything half the time. I'm going to start getting more exercise. I talked to Doctor Uncle and he said that would help. He also said "Xanax" a lot, but...this is a bit weak, but the thought of being on such an addictive medication makes me panic about as much as actually having an anxiety attack does, so I'm trying everything else I can think of before that happens.
Spring break is in eight days, and I think it's going to go really well. Basically the plan is to hang out with julydixon and then study around the edges. We're going to the beach!
Things are good.
I really need to wash my hair. But that's why whoever made hats made hats. Tra la la.
On the up side (and really all of the sides are up and YAY), this does mean that I get to make new friends who never have to take organic chemistry or the organic chemistry lab and have no idea what it's like to be constantly surrounded by people who all want to go to medical school! A whole new crop of strangers with relatively undamaged psyches! YES.
The anxiety thing's been getting worse--I'm kind of falling back into my old habits of pretending like ignoring it is going to make it go away and watching too many things on Netflix, but I'm at least attempting to multitask while I do it, and on school things instead of drawing pictures or whatever.
I feel a lot better about the next two years now. I was interested in learning about science, but I don't feel so much like I have to just survive the rest of college so I can do what I really want to do afterwards, so. It just sucks about the anxiety, because even though logically I know (or, in one case that I don't want to bring up here, have reason to suspect) things are going really well, I still feel like I'm about to wreck everything half the time. I'm going to start getting more exercise. I talked to Doctor Uncle and he said that would help. He also said "Xanax" a lot, but...this is a bit weak, but the thought of being on such an addictive medication makes me panic about as much as actually having an anxiety attack does, so I'm trying everything else I can think of before that happens.
Spring break is in eight days, and I think it's going to go really well. Basically the plan is to hang out with julydixon and then study around the edges. We're going to the beach!
Things are good.
I really need to wash my hair. But that's why whoever made hats made hats. Tra la la.