The World Keeps Its Own Secrets - Chapter 3
Title: The World Keeps Its Own Secrets
Author: neddiheht
Rating: A possibly racey R in places
Pairing: Snarry (Severus Snape/Harry Potter)
Word count: 2790
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Severus Snape and all other characters, places, etc. from the Harry Potter universe are the property of J.K. Rowling. No claim of ownership is intended by this piece of fan fiction.
Summary: When Harry is sent back in time to avoid the killing curse, he finds himself in a mask of his own creation, faceless, voiceless, friendless, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts for his sole confidante, Albus Dumbledore. But one of the professors is suspicious, and won't let the secrecy of the new Defense professor go.
---
"The students are afraid of him, Albus," said Minerva, her frustration and worry written on her face.
"He is not who he claims to be. I have checked, as thoroughly as I may, given that none of us have seen his face or heard his voice," said Snape, sipping his tea. "Surely there can be no reason for such secrecy."
Albus shook his head. "Minerva, I don't doubt the students are afraid, but that's his job. Jamie is perhaps a bit theatrical to be sure." Dementor's robes. He hadn't expected that. "But can you deny the students are learning? Learning a real respect and fear for the dark arts? Isn't that his job?"
Snape shook his head. "I've been nothing but impressed at the scope and prowess of his teaching," said Severus, a statement that brought a bewildered stare from McGonagall. Snape did not compliment people lightly. "But I fear he asks too much too fast of the students."
"You are the only other teacher as demanding," said Albus simply, meeting Snape's glare.
"He's teaching fourth years a rudimentary Patronus charm," said Snape, setting his tea cup down. "A Patronus, Albus."
"Would you believe he asked me to allow it in the curriculum for third years?" said Albus.
McGonagall's hand went to her mouth.
"They shouldn't be learning it at all!" said Snape. "Maybe in their seventh year! We all know respected wizards who can't cast one. And only Aurors really have need of it."
"Maybe he fears they'll have need of it," said Albus, his brow set with worry. "It is a defensive spell, and has legitimate uses for communication as well."
"He's teaching fifth years to duel, Albus, really duel, not the play of the second years," said Minerva quietly. "And quite ably too!"
"Did you have doubts to his qualifications?" asked Dumbledore quietly. The question was asked to Minerva, but Snape did not doubt who he was really asking.
"I have checked thoroughly," said Snape. "This man does not exist. That itself is more than just suspicious. I would have expected to find a shell, some farce at least to keep suspicion away, but there is nothing at all. I... Albus. Tell us. We can be trusted!"
"Those are his secrets to tell, Severus. I trust you would not wish me to tell him yours."
"By Salazar, Albus. That's what he said!"
Dumbledore smiled. "Really. That's a rather better sign than you think. Perhaps you should get to know him. He speaks to no one outside of classes. He keeps to himself even more than you Severus."
"You wish us to get to know him, Albus?" asked Minerva. "But he's..."
Severus looked seriously at Albus. "May I speak to the headmaster a moment alone, Minerva."
"Albus?" she asked glancing at him.
"It's okay, Minerva."
Minerva nodded at the headmaster and gave a piercing look to Snape as she left.
"You should reconsider this, Albus," said Snape simply. "This man... I fear how he can possibly know so much. He is in your circle, and that is dangerous."
"What do you know."
"That things are not so simple," said the potions master. "I tried to give him Veritaserum on the train."
"That's a serious breach of trust, Severus."
"The vial shattered."
"Wandless magic. I wouldn't have expected."
"Albus! Do not take me for a fool," said Severus. "Though after watching him I have no doubt he could do wandless if he wished. He knew the vial would shatter. Dared me to form the intent to use it on him. Contrary to what Minerva thinks, the man excels at his job. It's like that is all he has ever done... protect himself from the dark arts. Which of us was he, Albus?"
"If you were willing to feed him Veritaserum, then surely you would not balk at Legi..."
"He is very resistant. Far closer to my level than I would wish to admit. I would have had to push to the point of damage."
"Severus, why will you not just trust me?"
"He will not let any of us close enough to get to know him. He is remarkably like..."
"Yes, Severus. He is a loner, like you. A man built of secrets and pain and loss. A man afraid to allow anyone close. One day you will understand why."
"Why does he wear those robes, Albus?" asked Severus. "Dementors robes. Draining him of heat and love and happiness constantly. And he is in them every moment. Do you realize, Albus, that he casts a Patronus wearing those robes. Fully corporeal, Albus, the most powerful thing I've ever seen. And he's coming up with the thought that makes that Patronus wearing those robes. Why?"
"I cannot tell you," he raised his hand to stifle the man's protest before he could make it. "There are limits, Severus."
"Cannot, or will not?"
"Ask him. Maybe he will choose to tell you."
---
Severus was surprised to learn that the man ate in the kitchens. More surprised to learn that he knew the house elves, and by name. That he treated them with a conscientious kindness. That he treated them like people. His cowl still covered his face, his voice still spoke in a sibilant echo that could not be real. But he was somewhat more free here in the kitchens than Snape had ever seen him. Who was this man?
"Jamie..."
The man turned. "Yes, Severus?"
"I am concerned. You do not socialize. It's not healthy."
"I'm not a student for it to be your concern," said Harry curtly. "And faculty tea parties do not interest me. But... thank you, Severus. It feels good for someone to... besides, I have been socializing. Alimee," he said, looking at the house elf he'd been talking to, "this is Severus Snape, our potions master."
"I am knowing Professor Snape, Professor Evans Po..., sir," he yanked on his ears. "I am knowing him well. I am cleaning the explosions in his class room when the students makes mistakes."
The man's hand moved to the house elf's ears, gently pulling the elf's hands from its ears. "It's okay, Alimee. So, you know him, but I am introducing him to you. Or am I wrong that he has never asked even your name."
Severus looked at Harry quite oddly then. "You socialize with the house elves, Evans?"
"They are my friends, Severus."
"What about Albus?"
"A mentor... not a friend," there was regret in that voice.
"What about me?" asked Snape.
"You tried to feed me Veritaserum on the train, Severus," said Harry his voice low. "Do you honestly want me to believe that you wish to be a friend?"
Alimee gasped at the revelation, but was quietly and meekly backing away.
"I... I was overly concerned about..."
"No," said Harry, reaching out a hand to squeeze Snape's. There was electricity in that touch, and they both knew it. Inwardly Harry cursed as his trousers became suddenly tighter. "Never apologize for that, Severus. You are doing what Albus wanted of you. What he always wants of you. Your concern, behind that veneer you project to the students, is what keeps them safe."
"I will be getting tea for you both," said Alimee.
"Can you bring it to my chambers," asked Severus, glancing at the hooded man. "I would have us continue in more comfort."
Harry looked at him oddly, though of course all Snape saw was an odd tilt of the head. "As you wish."
---
Snape's quarters were comfortable and less severe than Harry expected. The bookshelves dominated the room, everywhere. The colors were Slytherin, green and white and black, but done tastefully. A careful eye could spot deep shades of purple here and there, shades that matched the rich eggplant of Snape's antiquated tie beneath the robes that he had dismissed when they entered.
"Will you not remove them even here?" asked Snape, with a look at the Dementor's cloak Evans always wore. "The room is warded... better, I dare say, than even the headmaster's office."
"You would have me confess."
"Would it be a confession?" asked Severus. "Does it have to be?"
"I think it would be all you needed to know the truth," said Harry, reaching down to pick up his tea and take a sip. "and you having the knowledge is dangerous."
"For whom?" asked Snape.
"Not just for me. What is it you want, Severus?"
Severus rolled up his sleeve, revealing the almost invisible remains of his Dark Mark. "Which of us were you?"
Harry laughed. "You have that little trust of me? I am not a dark wizard, Severus, whatever you may think."
"Then prove it, Evans. Show me."
Harry considered for a moment and then pulled up the long sleeves of his robe revealing his arm. There were marks there, remains of the cuts that Pettigrew had made, carving a likeness of the dark mark into his flesh as he used Harry's blood to restore Voldemort. Snape peered at them, but they were healed well enough that the likeness did not show. Snape ran his fingers along the marks and his face grew pensive.
"Did you try?" his brow furrowed. "Why? You are remarkably competent."
"A compliment? How unlike you, Severus. I did not try to commit suicide," said Harry, gleaning his meaning at once. "I gained my skills and my scars honestly, at school and through battle. I was... held, for a time, by the Dark Lord. I understand you have also had the dubious pleasure, so I know you understand. This was done then, to claim from me my blood."
"You escaped?"
"Obviously." He shook his head. "I like you rather more than I should, you know, given that you're being a total prat." He pulled his wand and unwrapped the magic from his vocal cords. "This at least," he said, his voice no longer concealed by sibilant tones, "this I will grant you, Severus. Should be maddening, I think, to listen to that for any length of time. Must drive my students nuts."
"They listen because you teach them things they never dreamed to know," said Severus softly. "Never dreamed to be allowed to know. Not this fast, not this early," he hesitated. "Not this well."
"Another compliment? I'm surprised at you," said Harry. Then very softly. "I wish I could spare them that."
"You really do," said Snape quietly. "And yet you know with a frightening certainty even Albus doesn't share that you cannot. The vial of Veritaserum shattered, Evans. I have some idea of what that could mean. I do not need to wonder what gives you such certainty."
"Does it surprise you that I hold affection for my students?" asked Harry, his voice catching.
"You still present them only the mask. You are not like old Slughorn who collected his students like prizes, or Minerva whose stern demeanor cannot begin to hide the fact that she loves every student she has ever had."
"And do you show your Slytherins the man behind the mask, Severus?"
"You think there is one?" came the reply, eyebrows raised.
"I think you let yourself be defined by a duty," said Harry hesitantly, his finger running along the edge of his tea cup.
Snape reeled, but he left it hidden behind his mask. The very one they were discussing. "You know too much."
"And it still causes me an enduring sadness. To know I can't ease your burden."
"You would, if you could, wouldn't you. Me... a death eater. Why?" asked Snape.
"Because I've come unexpectedly to like you." His voice dropped to a whisper, "More than I should allow myself to like you. And because you are more than just that, Severus. You could not produce a Patronus if you did not have a happy thought in there somewhere."
"And that matters to you?"
"I too had occasion to be seen as only one thing because of a mark I could not control. I let it destroy my happiness, let it possess my life until everything became about my task as I watched friends and loved ones die around me." Harry hesitated. "I've said more than I should have. I..."
Snape reached for Harry's hand and Harry felt that jolt again. "Jamie... don't go..."
Without the magic overlaying Harry's voice, Severus could hear the choked sob. "I..." Harry stood. "I have to."
"What if I would ease your burden, Jamie," said Severus, just a peek behind the mask.
Harry turned away. "I'm sorry... I can't." He retrieved some floo powder from his pocket and tossed it into the fire, disappearing through the fire into his own chambers. He emerged from the fire and fell to his knees, pulling off his cloak. He'd never realized just how much he cared for that man. That voice that sunk into his body and pulled at him. That severity that Snape exuded. It was having an entirely too powerful effect on him. His entire body was alive in ways he had never experienced. Fumbling with Ginny had never done this to him, what just talking to Severus was doing.
---
"What is this mark he speaks of, Albus?" said Severus, looking seriously at the head master.
"You are treading on dangerous territory old friend," said Albus. "Jamie has good reasons for concealing what he does."
"I... I find him. Compelling."
Albus raised an eyebrow at that. "You must control yourself, Severus. What you suggest could be very dangerous for both of you."
"But why, Albus? I know you of all people are not so provincial to object for the obvious reason."
"Because the world keeps its own secrets," snapped the headmaster.
"He said that too. It's a reference, very old, very obscure," said Snape quietly, meeting the professor's eyes. "From a treatise on magic that influences time. It's a reference to paradox, and the dangers to a wizard who has traveled to his own past."
"So that's what he was doing over the summer," mumbled Albus.
"Who is it?" asked Severus. "And why does he fear paradox so much? We both know the danger is usually minimal."
"The bottle of Veritaserum broke, Severus. That should tell you he has good reason."
"I'm...growing tempted to take that risk," said Severus, turning his head away.
"That bad?" asked Albus looking at his potion master a little sadly.
"He has been more guarded than he was that first time. But we have been having tea. And lately dinner also. I feared he would not risk it, but he does."
"And you like him."
"We talk about strategy, and potions and the dark arts. He has a view point that is refreshing. But he always pulls away. He won't let me get close..."
"You didn't answer the question, Severus."
"Yes, I like him. More than is safe for any of us. He makes me laugh," Severus looked away. "Do you know how long it has been since someone made me laugh? He feels like he had so much life in him once. He shows me, just glimpses. And it's... intoxicating. I don't have Lily to keep me sane through the loss this time," he looked away again with eyes tortured by guilt. "I should focus on that duty. On keeping The-Boy-Who-Lived safe."
Albus smiled. "He is still safely ensconced in the Muggle world for the time being."
"You will not tell me where?"
"No. You would go to see. To remember those eyes."
He probably would. She'd been his best friend. And those eyes had been his best ally, forcing him to look within himself for the truth. "Is it so horrible to have loved a friend so much? They're not related are they? I mean... I checked, of course, because of the name..."
"Perhaps you should try asking Jamie. He might be willing to tell you."
"He... he reminds me of her. The way I feel comfortable with him. I... I want to know him, Albus. To really know him. And all I ever get are his voice and those bloody robes."
"You said he laughed. That you get glimpses. You must know that to show himself would be to confess his identity, otherwise he would long ago have discarded the robes. He is keeping people from getting close, from recognizing just who he is."
"I would recognize him, then?"
"I did. Though it took me a moment."
Severus sighed. "Thank you, Albus. For taking the time to..."
"Nonsense," said Dumbledore, turning away. "And Severus... his portrait password is 'mother' -- in the end I think he'll forgive me."
"You..."
"Kindness and compassion, Severus."
"What about the risk of paradox?"
Albus looked at him. "You must choose whether you wish to take that risk."
Prev Chapter Master Post Next Chapter
Author: neddiheht
Rating: A possibly racey R in places
Pairing: Snarry (Severus Snape/Harry Potter)
Word count: 2790
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Severus Snape and all other characters, places, etc. from the Harry Potter universe are the property of J.K. Rowling. No claim of ownership is intended by this piece of fan fiction.
Summary: When Harry is sent back in time to avoid the killing curse, he finds himself in a mask of his own creation, faceless, voiceless, friendless, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts for his sole confidante, Albus Dumbledore. But one of the professors is suspicious, and won't let the secrecy of the new Defense professor go.
---
"The students are afraid of him, Albus," said Minerva, her frustration and worry written on her face.
"He is not who he claims to be. I have checked, as thoroughly as I may, given that none of us have seen his face or heard his voice," said Snape, sipping his tea. "Surely there can be no reason for such secrecy."
Albus shook his head. "Minerva, I don't doubt the students are afraid, but that's his job. Jamie is perhaps a bit theatrical to be sure." Dementor's robes. He hadn't expected that. "But can you deny the students are learning? Learning a real respect and fear for the dark arts? Isn't that his job?"
Snape shook his head. "I've been nothing but impressed at the scope and prowess of his teaching," said Severus, a statement that brought a bewildered stare from McGonagall. Snape did not compliment people lightly. "But I fear he asks too much too fast of the students."
"You are the only other teacher as demanding," said Albus simply, meeting Snape's glare.
"He's teaching fourth years a rudimentary Patronus charm," said Snape, setting his tea cup down. "A Patronus, Albus."
"Would you believe he asked me to allow it in the curriculum for third years?" said Albus.
McGonagall's hand went to her mouth.
"They shouldn't be learning it at all!" said Snape. "Maybe in their seventh year! We all know respected wizards who can't cast one. And only Aurors really have need of it."
"Maybe he fears they'll have need of it," said Albus, his brow set with worry. "It is a defensive spell, and has legitimate uses for communication as well."
"He's teaching fifth years to duel, Albus, really duel, not the play of the second years," said Minerva quietly. "And quite ably too!"
"Did you have doubts to his qualifications?" asked Dumbledore quietly. The question was asked to Minerva, but Snape did not doubt who he was really asking.
"I have checked thoroughly," said Snape. "This man does not exist. That itself is more than just suspicious. I would have expected to find a shell, some farce at least to keep suspicion away, but there is nothing at all. I... Albus. Tell us. We can be trusted!"
"Those are his secrets to tell, Severus. I trust you would not wish me to tell him yours."
"By Salazar, Albus. That's what he said!"
Dumbledore smiled. "Really. That's a rather better sign than you think. Perhaps you should get to know him. He speaks to no one outside of classes. He keeps to himself even more than you Severus."
"You wish us to get to know him, Albus?" asked Minerva. "But he's..."
Severus looked seriously at Albus. "May I speak to the headmaster a moment alone, Minerva."
"Albus?" she asked glancing at him.
"It's okay, Minerva."
Minerva nodded at the headmaster and gave a piercing look to Snape as she left.
"You should reconsider this, Albus," said Snape simply. "This man... I fear how he can possibly know so much. He is in your circle, and that is dangerous."
"What do you know."
"That things are not so simple," said the potions master. "I tried to give him Veritaserum on the train."
"That's a serious breach of trust, Severus."
"The vial shattered."
"Wandless magic. I wouldn't have expected."
"Albus! Do not take me for a fool," said Severus. "Though after watching him I have no doubt he could do wandless if he wished. He knew the vial would shatter. Dared me to form the intent to use it on him. Contrary to what Minerva thinks, the man excels at his job. It's like that is all he has ever done... protect himself from the dark arts. Which of us was he, Albus?"
"If you were willing to feed him Veritaserum, then surely you would not balk at Legi..."
"He is very resistant. Far closer to my level than I would wish to admit. I would have had to push to the point of damage."
"Severus, why will you not just trust me?"
"He will not let any of us close enough to get to know him. He is remarkably like..."
"Yes, Severus. He is a loner, like you. A man built of secrets and pain and loss. A man afraid to allow anyone close. One day you will understand why."
"Why does he wear those robes, Albus?" asked Severus. "Dementors robes. Draining him of heat and love and happiness constantly. And he is in them every moment. Do you realize, Albus, that he casts a Patronus wearing those robes. Fully corporeal, Albus, the most powerful thing I've ever seen. And he's coming up with the thought that makes that Patronus wearing those robes. Why?"
"I cannot tell you," he raised his hand to stifle the man's protest before he could make it. "There are limits, Severus."
"Cannot, or will not?"
"Ask him. Maybe he will choose to tell you."
---
Severus was surprised to learn that the man ate in the kitchens. More surprised to learn that he knew the house elves, and by name. That he treated them with a conscientious kindness. That he treated them like people. His cowl still covered his face, his voice still spoke in a sibilant echo that could not be real. But he was somewhat more free here in the kitchens than Snape had ever seen him. Who was this man?
"Jamie..."
The man turned. "Yes, Severus?"
"I am concerned. You do not socialize. It's not healthy."
"I'm not a student for it to be your concern," said Harry curtly. "And faculty tea parties do not interest me. But... thank you, Severus. It feels good for someone to... besides, I have been socializing. Alimee," he said, looking at the house elf he'd been talking to, "this is Severus Snape, our potions master."
"I am knowing Professor Snape, Professor Evans Po..., sir," he yanked on his ears. "I am knowing him well. I am cleaning the explosions in his class room when the students makes mistakes."
The man's hand moved to the house elf's ears, gently pulling the elf's hands from its ears. "It's okay, Alimee. So, you know him, but I am introducing him to you. Or am I wrong that he has never asked even your name."
Severus looked at Harry quite oddly then. "You socialize with the house elves, Evans?"
"They are my friends, Severus."
"What about Albus?"
"A mentor... not a friend," there was regret in that voice.
"What about me?" asked Snape.
"You tried to feed me Veritaserum on the train, Severus," said Harry his voice low. "Do you honestly want me to believe that you wish to be a friend?"
Alimee gasped at the revelation, but was quietly and meekly backing away.
"I... I was overly concerned about..."
"No," said Harry, reaching out a hand to squeeze Snape's. There was electricity in that touch, and they both knew it. Inwardly Harry cursed as his trousers became suddenly tighter. "Never apologize for that, Severus. You are doing what Albus wanted of you. What he always wants of you. Your concern, behind that veneer you project to the students, is what keeps them safe."
"I will be getting tea for you both," said Alimee.
"Can you bring it to my chambers," asked Severus, glancing at the hooded man. "I would have us continue in more comfort."
Harry looked at him oddly, though of course all Snape saw was an odd tilt of the head. "As you wish."
---
Snape's quarters were comfortable and less severe than Harry expected. The bookshelves dominated the room, everywhere. The colors were Slytherin, green and white and black, but done tastefully. A careful eye could spot deep shades of purple here and there, shades that matched the rich eggplant of Snape's antiquated tie beneath the robes that he had dismissed when they entered.
"Will you not remove them even here?" asked Snape, with a look at the Dementor's cloak Evans always wore. "The room is warded... better, I dare say, than even the headmaster's office."
"You would have me confess."
"Would it be a confession?" asked Severus. "Does it have to be?"
"I think it would be all you needed to know the truth," said Harry, reaching down to pick up his tea and take a sip. "and you having the knowledge is dangerous."
"For whom?" asked Snape.
"Not just for me. What is it you want, Severus?"
Severus rolled up his sleeve, revealing the almost invisible remains of his Dark Mark. "Which of us were you?"
Harry laughed. "You have that little trust of me? I am not a dark wizard, Severus, whatever you may think."
"Then prove it, Evans. Show me."
Harry considered for a moment and then pulled up the long sleeves of his robe revealing his arm. There were marks there, remains of the cuts that Pettigrew had made, carving a likeness of the dark mark into his flesh as he used Harry's blood to restore Voldemort. Snape peered at them, but they were healed well enough that the likeness did not show. Snape ran his fingers along the marks and his face grew pensive.
"Did you try?" his brow furrowed. "Why? You are remarkably competent."
"A compliment? How unlike you, Severus. I did not try to commit suicide," said Harry, gleaning his meaning at once. "I gained my skills and my scars honestly, at school and through battle. I was... held, for a time, by the Dark Lord. I understand you have also had the dubious pleasure, so I know you understand. This was done then, to claim from me my blood."
"You escaped?"
"Obviously." He shook his head. "I like you rather more than I should, you know, given that you're being a total prat." He pulled his wand and unwrapped the magic from his vocal cords. "This at least," he said, his voice no longer concealed by sibilant tones, "this I will grant you, Severus. Should be maddening, I think, to listen to that for any length of time. Must drive my students nuts."
"They listen because you teach them things they never dreamed to know," said Severus softly. "Never dreamed to be allowed to know. Not this fast, not this early," he hesitated. "Not this well."
"Another compliment? I'm surprised at you," said Harry. Then very softly. "I wish I could spare them that."
"You really do," said Snape quietly. "And yet you know with a frightening certainty even Albus doesn't share that you cannot. The vial of Veritaserum shattered, Evans. I have some idea of what that could mean. I do not need to wonder what gives you such certainty."
"Does it surprise you that I hold affection for my students?" asked Harry, his voice catching.
"You still present them only the mask. You are not like old Slughorn who collected his students like prizes, or Minerva whose stern demeanor cannot begin to hide the fact that she loves every student she has ever had."
"And do you show your Slytherins the man behind the mask, Severus?"
"You think there is one?" came the reply, eyebrows raised.
"I think you let yourself be defined by a duty," said Harry hesitantly, his finger running along the edge of his tea cup.
Snape reeled, but he left it hidden behind his mask. The very one they were discussing. "You know too much."
"And it still causes me an enduring sadness. To know I can't ease your burden."
"You would, if you could, wouldn't you. Me... a death eater. Why?" asked Snape.
"Because I've come unexpectedly to like you." His voice dropped to a whisper, "More than I should allow myself to like you. And because you are more than just that, Severus. You could not produce a Patronus if you did not have a happy thought in there somewhere."
"And that matters to you?"
"I too had occasion to be seen as only one thing because of a mark I could not control. I let it destroy my happiness, let it possess my life until everything became about my task as I watched friends and loved ones die around me." Harry hesitated. "I've said more than I should have. I..."
Snape reached for Harry's hand and Harry felt that jolt again. "Jamie... don't go..."
Without the magic overlaying Harry's voice, Severus could hear the choked sob. "I..." Harry stood. "I have to."
"What if I would ease your burden, Jamie," said Severus, just a peek behind the mask.
Harry turned away. "I'm sorry... I can't." He retrieved some floo powder from his pocket and tossed it into the fire, disappearing through the fire into his own chambers. He emerged from the fire and fell to his knees, pulling off his cloak. He'd never realized just how much he cared for that man. That voice that sunk into his body and pulled at him. That severity that Snape exuded. It was having an entirely too powerful effect on him. His entire body was alive in ways he had never experienced. Fumbling with Ginny had never done this to him, what just talking to Severus was doing.
---
"What is this mark he speaks of, Albus?" said Severus, looking seriously at the head master.
"You are treading on dangerous territory old friend," said Albus. "Jamie has good reasons for concealing what he does."
"I... I find him. Compelling."
Albus raised an eyebrow at that. "You must control yourself, Severus. What you suggest could be very dangerous for both of you."
"But why, Albus? I know you of all people are not so provincial to object for the obvious reason."
"Because the world keeps its own secrets," snapped the headmaster.
"He said that too. It's a reference, very old, very obscure," said Snape quietly, meeting the professor's eyes. "From a treatise on magic that influences time. It's a reference to paradox, and the dangers to a wizard who has traveled to his own past."
"So that's what he was doing over the summer," mumbled Albus.
"Who is it?" asked Severus. "And why does he fear paradox so much? We both know the danger is usually minimal."
"The bottle of Veritaserum broke, Severus. That should tell you he has good reason."
"I'm...growing tempted to take that risk," said Severus, turning his head away.
"That bad?" asked Albus looking at his potion master a little sadly.
"He has been more guarded than he was that first time. But we have been having tea. And lately dinner also. I feared he would not risk it, but he does."
"And you like him."
"We talk about strategy, and potions and the dark arts. He has a view point that is refreshing. But he always pulls away. He won't let me get close..."
"You didn't answer the question, Severus."
"Yes, I like him. More than is safe for any of us. He makes me laugh," Severus looked away. "Do you know how long it has been since someone made me laugh? He feels like he had so much life in him once. He shows me, just glimpses. And it's... intoxicating. I don't have Lily to keep me sane through the loss this time," he looked away again with eyes tortured by guilt. "I should focus on that duty. On keeping The-Boy-Who-Lived safe."
Albus smiled. "He is still safely ensconced in the Muggle world for the time being."
"You will not tell me where?"
"No. You would go to see. To remember those eyes."
He probably would. She'd been his best friend. And those eyes had been his best ally, forcing him to look within himself for the truth. "Is it so horrible to have loved a friend so much? They're not related are they? I mean... I checked, of course, because of the name..."
"Perhaps you should try asking Jamie. He might be willing to tell you."
"He... he reminds me of her. The way I feel comfortable with him. I... I want to know him, Albus. To really know him. And all I ever get are his voice and those bloody robes."
"You said he laughed. That you get glimpses. You must know that to show himself would be to confess his identity, otherwise he would long ago have discarded the robes. He is keeping people from getting close, from recognizing just who he is."
"I would recognize him, then?"
"I did. Though it took me a moment."
Severus sighed. "Thank you, Albus. For taking the time to..."
"Nonsense," said Dumbledore, turning away. "And Severus... his portrait password is 'mother' -- in the end I think he'll forgive me."
"You..."
"Kindness and compassion, Severus."
"What about the risk of paradox?"
Albus looked at him. "You must choose whether you wish to take that risk."
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