Monday - Wednesday
So far, this week has been a knock-down, drag-out affair.
I've been feeling really depressed and isolated, plus my classes still have their difficulties. That's an overview of the constants.
Monday
Returning to school was a surreal experience. I promptly failed a number of things in my classes and lost what little health and happiness I had regained over the weekend. I was sick and feverish by third block, and during fourth I decided to rest in the Drama Office prior to my departure on foot. I ended up waking to the conversation of a couple male characters over relationships. Hannah entered the room, as I began to fulfill my role as Male Role Model. I gave an hour-long lecture on dating, relationships, society and morality to a group peaking at twelve people, and did a lot of good. Unfortunately, I think in doing the right thing I touched something inside of Hannah, for she seemed highly uncomfortable, and I decided to break off the discussion.
I returned home and promptly started to freak out over being alone and possibly hurting people emotionally.
Tuesday
Tuesday had lower highs and lows. I woke with a panic attack and suffered through a waking nightmare... but I did pass a quiz early in the day. Essentially I dealt with Monday's aftermath and came back to a number of rants from LJ to dA that either attacked or offended me. Depressed, I replied, but I probably did more harm than good. I did talk to June, so that was a plus.
Wednesday
My depression continued to deepen today, almost overcoming me at several times. Diana and I talked, Nici considered quitting M_Life because he doesn't enjoy his character, June and I chatted... Elizabeth and I discussed some things. Programming was terrible, as my chief programmer began working on his own game and insulting the rest of the team. I dodged a quiz bullet that I still am not ready for, as I missed a whole damn week.
Essentially I waited far too long for somebody who obviously doesn't want to talk with me. I don't care whose fault it is, or whether it's better if we don't converse; the worst thing you can do to me is cut me off at the knees. I'm sure you don't have more work than I do, so that's not a vaild excuse. That leaves me with two basic reasons... one perfectly normal, and the other intensely depressing.
Summary
The overall situation is intolerable. I shouldn't feel like dying or disappearing, ever. Plus I'm putting a lot of effort in, and I'm left hanging. I've done some good things, but they don't make me feel better... they never do. Oh, and I'm not Superman- no matter how much I take upon myself.
Should I send Gloria a letter?
I've been feeling really depressed and isolated, plus my classes still have their difficulties. That's an overview of the constants.
Monday
Returning to school was a surreal experience. I promptly failed a number of things in my classes and lost what little health and happiness I had regained over the weekend. I was sick and feverish by third block, and during fourth I decided to rest in the Drama Office prior to my departure on foot. I ended up waking to the conversation of a couple male characters over relationships. Hannah entered the room, as I began to fulfill my role as Male Role Model. I gave an hour-long lecture on dating, relationships, society and morality to a group peaking at twelve people, and did a lot of good. Unfortunately, I think in doing the right thing I touched something inside of Hannah, for she seemed highly uncomfortable, and I decided to break off the discussion.
I returned home and promptly started to freak out over being alone and possibly hurting people emotionally.
Tuesday
Tuesday had lower highs and lows. I woke with a panic attack and suffered through a waking nightmare... but I did pass a quiz early in the day. Essentially I dealt with Monday's aftermath and came back to a number of rants from LJ to dA that either attacked or offended me. Depressed, I replied, but I probably did more harm than good. I did talk to June, so that was a plus.
Wednesday
My depression continued to deepen today, almost overcoming me at several times. Diana and I talked, Nici considered quitting M_Life because he doesn't enjoy his character, June and I chatted... Elizabeth and I discussed some things. Programming was terrible, as my chief programmer began working on his own game and insulting the rest of the team. I dodged a quiz bullet that I still am not ready for, as I missed a whole damn week.
Essentially I waited far too long for somebody who obviously doesn't want to talk with me. I don't care whose fault it is, or whether it's better if we don't converse; the worst thing you can do to me is cut me off at the knees. I'm sure you don't have more work than I do, so that's not a vaild excuse. That leaves me with two basic reasons... one perfectly normal, and the other intensely depressing.
Summary
The overall situation is intolerable. I shouldn't feel like dying or disappearing, ever. Plus I'm putting a lot of effort in, and I'm left hanging. I've done some good things, but they don't make me feel better... they never do. Oh, and I'm not Superman- no matter how much I take upon myself.
Should I send Gloria a letter?