(no subject)
I've been having incredibly intense and real-feeling dreams that leave me gasping alone in my bed in the middle of the night. Every night. I'm not one to have problems during sleep, I usually fall asleep within five minutes of my head hitting the pillow, it's usually that I'm an insomniac and just don't go to sleep, but that was last year's dillemma, i've been sleeping so well this semester until recently. I swear I live at least three more terrifying days, or years, or fucking lives during the night and it's beginning to tire me out.
In my dreams I'm anxious. I'm in dark houses in dark rooms waking up and going back to sleep all within the dream. There are people who exploit me, who are out to expose me. There are people taking advantage of me, people expecting me to do things that I'm not ready to do. There are other men in my bed and I DO NOT WANT THEM THERE. There are an uncontrollable amount of sheets and blankets that I can't escape from. There are dark trees and dead animals and too many black cats. There are people leaving me behind, leaving me to fend for myself in an unfamiliar crowd. I feel embarassed and altogether out of control. I never know when I actually wake up because every waking is so real, yet most of them happen in the dream. Needless to say, I never want to close my eyes again after I actually wake up immensely alone and wide-eyed in the dark. Everytime I close my eyes, some sort of twisted sub-reality keeps forcing itself to surface on the insides of my eyelids, and I really need it to stop.
I want to dream of being an island child with the big blue sea to explore, to embrace. Not this.
In my dreams I'm anxious. I'm in dark houses in dark rooms waking up and going back to sleep all within the dream. There are people who exploit me, who are out to expose me. There are people taking advantage of me, people expecting me to do things that I'm not ready to do. There are other men in my bed and I DO NOT WANT THEM THERE. There are an uncontrollable amount of sheets and blankets that I can't escape from. There are dark trees and dead animals and too many black cats. There are people leaving me behind, leaving me to fend for myself in an unfamiliar crowd. I feel embarassed and altogether out of control. I never know when I actually wake up because every waking is so real, yet most of them happen in the dream. Needless to say, I never want to close my eyes again after I actually wake up immensely alone and wide-eyed in the dark. Everytime I close my eyes, some sort of twisted sub-reality keeps forcing itself to surface on the insides of my eyelids, and I really need it to stop.
I want to dream of being an island child with the big blue sea to explore, to embrace. Not this.